Tough Decision

Kobe Bryant has decided not to opt-out of his contract with the Lakers and will pick up his 23 million dollar option for the 2009-2010 NBA season.  I can't think of joke here so I will just say something very serious...

I wish I was Kobe Bryant.  

And now that Michael Jackson is out of the way, I am on the way to doing it, folks.  I am going to use the latest in scientific technology to reverse his skin grafts, thus becoming  the first white comedian to become a black basketball player.  Then, years later, after my premature, prescription-drug-induced death, my father can announce that he is doing a new concert with my songs, even before I am buried.

(Yes, that didn't technically make sense, because as a basketball player wouldn't be singing.  But, you know, if Shaq can rap, I can sing the blues.)

More tomorrow...

Ben And Dave: The Next Generation

Since I love keeping you abreast of things, the new episode of Six Pack was posted over the weekend. I'm sure you were listening to it while at the pool, BBQ, gym, parade, orgy or whatever else it is you did this weekend, but just in case, click away.

The new episode is actually a compilation of some of our So What, Who Cares? episodes combined with a couple new things thrown in. We wanted to give all the new listeners a chance to catch up on the stuff that they missed before the infamous name change went down.

My birthday weekend was really just perfect, between dinner with friends on Friday, dinner with the family on Saturday, and then brunch and the big parade yesterday. My folks got me a bike for my 33rd, which is the first one I've had since I was about 14. Carlos and I took a ride down the West Side Highway today which was tons of fun, even more fun than usual since I no longer have to hold a rope while wearing roller-skates as he bikes in front of me.

Actually, come to think of it, anyone need a used "drag someone behind you on a bike" rope? I'll let it go for free, you just have to pay shipping and handling, and wait 6-8 weeks for delivery...

33 Is The New 32

I have to say that for all the joking everyone makes about how stupid these social networks are, it is really nice to wake up to literally 44 e-mails wishing me a happy birthday.  Sure, I don't know most of the people, and none were from my family, but still it's a pretty nice feeling.*  

Huge thanks for go to our awesome graphics guy, Andy Diehl, who created the above pic with everyone's favorite Decepticon, Soundwave, and a few people's favorite comedian, me.  Best birthday pic ever!

*My sister actually texted me at midnight, my brother IM'ed me first this this morning, and my sister-in-law did the same just a moment ago.  My parents, you ask?  Well, they just aren't that computer literate, apparently...

Media Madness

From FoxNews anchor, Shepard Smith, a moment ago...

"Michael Jackson, one of the greatest performers of all time, maybe the most famous man on the planet Earth, died today at the age of 50."

Oddly enough, Elzan Gorak, maybe the most famous man on the planet Saturn, also died today.

This does not bode well for Shaki Wiliwar of Neptune...

(Technically, that's not a Michael Jackson joke, it's another news coverage joke.)

One Last Thrill(er)

According to several websites, Michael Jackson has done his last moonwalk.  I will pass on the jokes today (even though there will be hundreds told at comedy clubs around the country tonight) and instead say two things about Michael...

1.  I actually had a knock-off of his red Thriller jacket in 4th or 5th grade.

2.  I also had his video-game for the Sega Genesis, Michael Jackson's Moonwalker.  Sure, the whole game was about him "saving" children from the bad guys, but I said I wouldn't make any jokes today, and I won't.

Okay, I better Beat It  before the jokes start coming...

(Note:  The joke I made on Twitter was more about news coverage than Michael Jackson.  And miraculously I got that in right before Twitter crashed because of this news.)

A Top Six Pack

Yes, my zooming in and cut and paste skills could use some work, but let's focus on the positive here.

After a massive jump in subscriptions yesterday, Ben and Dave's Six Pack is now the number six audio podcast in all of iTunes Comedy. That also places us as the leading LGBT comedy show, and has Ben and I plotting all kinds of exciting future plans. Maybe we'll even get those fancy chairs than lean all the way back for when we're recording.

Anyway, as this all comes together, I just wanna thank all my loyal readers, and especially those of you who consistently comment here for keeping me going through all these years. The best is yet to come, but I can sense that something big is right on the horizon.

Wow, top six. I think I'm gonna spring on a large Jamba Juice today...

If You See Something, (Don't) Say Something

I told you we were going to see The Proposal yesterday. Well, here's what happened during the movie. Totally true...

Lord only knows lunacy will happen at the premiere of Transformers 2 tonight...

Indecent Proposal

Carlos just convinced me to see The Proposal using the old "Betty White is in it" line.  He also claims that half the movie takes place in St. Olaf, but somehow I really doubt that.

Sure, we could go see the new Woody Allen/Larry David flick, Whatever Works, or the new Sam Rockwell movie about the origins of humanity, Moon, but I do have to admit there is something oddly hot about seeing Betty White grab Sandra Bullock's boobs.

Plus, tomorrow at midnight is Tranformers 2 in IMAX at midnight, anyway.  Carlos says that Rue McClanahan makes a cameo in it, but I won't believe it 'til I see it.  And what a waste of a Golden Girl in a movie for him, as if I wasn't gonna see TF.

Six Pack #4 has been up for a few days, but since I know some of you like a direct link (lazy, lazy), just click here.

Okay, I think that's it for now, perhaps more later, depending on how much Betty inspires me...

Now That's What I Call A View

Finally got my MacBook back from the good people at Apple.  Had a nice discussion about the Trailblazers of the early 90's with the "genius."  He had pretty extensive knowledge of the team, though I think we both left knowing who the true genius is when it comes to Portland basketball info from 1990-1995.  Terry Porter was better than Clyde Drexler?  C'mon now.

Thanks go out once again to our fantastic graphics guy, Andy Diehl for the dreamy picture above.  It's just one in a series, so keep your eye out for more, though as far as I know this is the only of us as women.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.

(Note:  I did not request to be Joy, it just worked out that way.)

The new Six Pack should be up later today.  Those of you who've got either the new iPhone, or downloaded the new 3.0 software update, may have noticed that you can now directly send the link to a friend as you are listening.  I highly recommend you all do this, though you don't have to send it to me, as I'm already a faithful subscriber.

Time to take the walk for a dog.  Wait, strike that, reverse it.

For a little Rubinville cred, what movie is that phrase from?  And no Googling, people.  I'll know it, if you do it...

Comparing Apples and Lemons

So, what I thought was the impossible, unfeasible, unimaginable, inconceivable, unthinkable, and preposterous (thank you Thesaurus.com) has happened.  My MacBook died yesterday.  

(I know you all need a moment.  Take it.  Breathe.  Slowly.  Deep, full breathes.)

I had a feeling something was up because it had been acting a little slow lately, but I really thought that the cool, hip, guy in the blue t-shirt in the commercials had assured me that crashing could never happen to a Mac.  Sure, it could happen to the nerdy guy with glasses who tucks in his plaid button-down, but not to a hip, cool guy in a well-fitting blue t-shirt!

Alas, it did, and after calling Ben to help me trouble-shoot, I realized this problem was beyond even my on-air cohort's abilities.  I made an appointment at Apple Store on 14th Street, put on my best blue t-shirt and headed downtown.

After waiting about twenty minutes, which was fine because I also have an iPhone so that I don't even have to waste one moment by actually just sitting and thinking, I was called to the "Genius Bar."  The guy was very friendly, and though he didn't strike me as a genius, was able to diagnosis the problem rather quickly.  My hard-drive was dead. Fortunately, this was in stark contrast to my sex-drive which he said was quite healthy.

Long story short, my machine is now getting a new hard-drive and a new case because there were some cracks that he said were manufacturer flaws.  I should be able to pick it up in about an hour from now.

But Dave, you ask, how could you possibly be posting to Rubinville if you don't have your computer?  Isn't there something special about your computer specifically that allows your posts to be so humorous, irreverent and insightful?

Good question, dear reader.  But some things, I must keep to myself...

One Thing I Can Do Is Finger Roll

Despite the loss in big the championship game, I thought I would still post a picture of me in action.  Note the American flag in the background, proof that basketball isn't just for Canadians.

(Yea, I know I could've done more with that.  I've, only have had half my iced-coffee though, which must be why.)

For those of you who missed the Twitter update (subscribe here) about it, I actually got pooped on by a pigeon about an hour after yesterday's pigeon-post.  I know there is some profound meaning to that, and I suppose it is proof that as Barry said in the comments section, "no good deed goes unpunished."

The worst part of getting crapped on was that it happened right outside the Apple Store on 5th Avenue, basically the coolest store in the world.  And there I am, wiping pigeon crap off myself using hot-dog napkins and a bottle of water. If it only could've happened at a less cool store, like Comp USA.*

In entertainment news, Ben and I, being the big stars we are, are going to a special premiere of Bruno tonight.  I'm sure it is going to be absolutely brilliant, and don't worry, I won't reveal anything for you guys, though might snap a pic if Sascha Baron Cohen decides to show up.

Alright, gotta go get my jeans patched, the crotch blew out again...

*Comp USA is actually now out of business, but was the perfect reference there, thus making up for my rather weak Canadian reference up top.

A Man Of The Pigeons

Picture it, yesterday, a kitchen.  A young man, with white skin and brown hair is mixing his protein shake before he plays in the NYC Gay Basketball League Championship game.  He hears the sound of a wounded pigeon coming from outside the window.  After living in NYC for many years he knows this sound well, much like knowing the the sound of gun-fire at 3 in the morning.  He looks outside, and there, on a dirty metal ledge, are two pigeons and a bunch of nasty stuff that can only be found in-between NYC apartment buildings.

One of the pigeons looks fine, and is walking back and forth bobbing it's head as pigeons do.  The other pigeon though, is motionless, with a wing slightly bent in the wrong direction.  The young man, with no regard that his game is in only an hour, goes to the cabinet and grabs a piece of bread.  Fortunately, there were three pieces left because he knew that he would want a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich later.  He takes the piece of bread, flings it onto the dirty metal ledge and watches as the wounded bird slowly hobbles over to eat.  The man feels satisfied knowing he has helped one of God's creatures.  He drinks his shake and heads off to the game.

That pigeon is the one pictured above, and that man was me.

(Oh, and then I went on to lose the championship game by 5 points.  Maybe if I had gotten there early for extra shooting practice my team would've would've won, but nooooooo,  I've gotta save a pigeon.  There's a lesson to be learned here, people.  I'm just not sure what it is...)

A Six Pack For The Weekend

Episode three of the Six Pack is now up.  Amongst our usual hijinks and hilarity, we interview Kelli O'Donnell, the founder of "R Family Cruise", who also happens to be Rosie's wife.

I know you're already a subscriber but it for some reason you would rather click from here, well, then click here.

Digital Shmigital

The transition to Digital Television finally goes into affect today, in about 30 minutes from now. While most of people already have digital TV, this is good for everyone because it signals the end of those commercials with confused old-people being told "not to be left behind the digital television transition."

As if falling and not being able to get up isn't bad enough.

Frankly, the future ain't TV anyway, it's podcasting, people!  And speaking of which, the new Six Pack will be up shortly...

Proof Of Wings (And Breasts)

"Wait, they don't have Sprite Zero here?"

In case you didn't believe that I was actually at Hooters last night, here is the evidence.  I ate more wings than I'd like to admit and knocked back a couple beers, too.  The waitress even flirted with me throughout the meal.  Sure, my buddy Jon said that they all flirt with you to get good tips, but I sensed a little something extra.

More importantly, yes, that is a Decepticon t-shirt, which is particularly cool for the next two weeks leading up to TF2, at which time it will become dorky again.

(Not that being dorky will stop me from wearing it...)

Rubin's Believe It Or Not

I am on a train headed to a Hooters in New Jersey...

Ben and Dave Get Head(s)

Yes, yes, I know the title of the post was a bit risque, but I hear that's the type of thing people need on a Tuesday.  

Well, that, and three 5 Hour Energy Shots, two Red Bulls, and one Venti Caramel Macchiato.

Speaking of drinking, it was just reported that the CBS Evening News just had it's lowest ratings since Nielsen records have been kept.  Somebody better get Katie Couric a vodka-Prozac on the double.

We finally saw Star Trek over the weekend.  Pretty fun flick, as I had expected.  I mean yea, it could've used a Sith Lord or at least a Wookie, but I guess they are saving the really good stuff for the sequel.

Alright, gotta get to the store, I'm low on peanut-butter...

Homer's Favorite Day

In case you didn't know, today (the first Friday of every June) is National Doughnut Day.  So get out there to your local doughnut shop and let your inner-Homer run wild.  I think I'll go with a Boston Cream and a Powder.  Then I think I'll wash them down with a chocolate shake at Krusty Burger.

The new episode of "Six Pack" should be up this afternoon.  As a little tease, I'll tell you that we interviewed YouTube sensation Davey Wavey.  You can check out his videos here.

I'm sure you all watched the Lakers maul the Magic in game one of The NBA Finals last night.  After sitting through the entire 25 point blowout, I have a new policy regarding basketball games for now on.  When the lead goes over 20 points I'm automatically turning to a DVR'd Home Improvement.*

Here's a utterly brilliant headline from this morning on FoxNews.com.  "S.C Mom Charged with Concealing 555 Pound Son."  

Do I even have to add more to that?

*No, I don't actually have Home Improvement DVR'd but for some reason that seemed like the right sitcom to choose.

Good Stuff

I have to say (knock on virtual wood) that things are going quite well these days.  We're getting an incredible response about "Six Pack", Carlos and I finished the re-do of the apartment, the summer has officially arrived, and the NBA Finals start tomorrow.  June seems to be my month, even though I turn 33 on the June 26th, which means I will be officially old by NBA-standards.  Most comedians don't peak til their late 30's though, so I guess I picked the right profession, after all.