Monday, July 31, 2006


My phone died today. Along with it went all my contacts and pictures of me drunk. If you think I should have your number please e-mail it to me. Same goes if you have pictures of me drunk.

Thanks, in advance.

Friday, July 28, 2006


It's been all Bush or animals with me lately. I could insert some cat comment here and then make this about Bush and Pussy, but I'll take the high road.

You'll notice that I've moved the news crawler from the Rubinville front page, over here to The Daily Dave. The text in it is old but it will be updated shortly. With all the breaking news going on in the world I can no longer leave it up to FoxNews and CNN to bring you the truth.

I just watched the latest GWB/Tony Blair press conference from the White House. I pretty much agreed with everything they said, though coming from Blair it all sounds a lot prettier. Bush even tapped the microphone and said, "Is this thing on?", in a reference to their privately public chat two weeks ago. Yea, he stole that bit from me, but I'll let it go in the name of Democracy.

My sister is turning 21 this weekend which means I'm gonna have to party accordingly. Does anyone know if I start drinking water now will it help with Sunday's hangover?

Thursday, July 27, 2006


I kid you not when I tell you that two dogs urinated on my leg at almost the exact same time while I was at the dog run this afternoon.

Last time I wear my fire hydrant shorts, that's for sure...

Wednesday, July 26, 2006


A dog yesterday, a pigeon today.

Some of my faithful readers will remember the pigeon that had grown up on my air-conditioner and eventually flew away when the time came. Well, he must've spread the word that my AC is a good spot to become a man (or bird), because a few weeks ago another pigeon was hatched there and I've since watched him too grow up.

Unfortunately though, when a pigeon nests on your AC unit, they bring with them a lot of bird crap and bugs. Thusly (yea, I said thusly), I was finding little bugs crawling around my window which is a big no-no, especially if it's in my bedroom.

Long story short, I decided that it was time to teach the young guy how to fly and I pushed him off the AC unit. Sadly he crashed two floors down and splattered all over the cement.

Just kidding. He actually flapped his wings a whole bunch and took off - a little wabbly - but it defintely qualified as flying. I helped a little bird become a big bird.

In a way I feel like I left that nest today as well. While I also feel a little wabbly, I think I'm gonna make it. Wish me luck...

(For a second there you thought I really murdered an innocent pigeon. Sometimes I think you don't know me at all.)

Tuesday, July 25, 2006


Guess who got a dog?

Good guess. Your trusty, neighborhood comedian, me.

I actually got her about about two weeks ago, but I wanted to make sure she was a keeper before getting you involved. Now that I know she's a keeper, I can divulge the specifics...

1. Her name is Emma
2. She's two years old
3. She arrived from New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina
4. She had her three puppies with her but was too sick to take care of them.
5. She has big nipples due to nursing at least two litters.
6. She has a thing for squirrels and birds.
7. She rarely barks.
8. I pick up her poop.

Those are the major highlights that I can tell you at the moment. I've never had a dog before, but I think this will work out well considering the experience I've developed over the years by having so many goldfish. While cynics will argue that I sent many of them to an early, watery grave, I can only argue that this will be easier because I'm not in charge of Emma's oxygen intake, while I was in charge of the fish's water.

The whole thing was an impromptu decision, but she's been fun so far and it's nice letting someone else lead me during my afternoon walks. The only negative is that I'm running out of funny things to say when she starts sniffing other dog's butts. My main line is, "She didn't learn it from me", and while that always get's a laugh it's starting to get a little old. Anyone got another good one for me?

Monday, July 24, 2006


No, I haven't gone to the Middle East to broker a truce. I've actually taken an even crazier trip all the way to Long Island to visit my family for the day. If I don't have anything funny to write tommorrow then I'm not even worth the paper this is printed on.

FYI, my parents' computer has a really messed up spacebar and this has taken my about 15 minutes to write. I'm guessing that it took you about 10 seconds to read, which officially makes this the most unproductive thing I've ever written...

Wednesday, July 19, 2006


Just as I'm getting all cozy with GWB, he used the first veto of his presidency to help stop stem cell research earlier today. Someone needs to tell George that if we don't move ahead on stem cell research that the rest of the world will, and then one day there will be an army of super-human soliders ready to fight against us.

Yes, I'm loosely basing that theory on how the clones were created in Star Wars: Episode II, but as you probably know, 90% of my theories are Star Wars related one way or another.

I'm still Republican today, just one of the few who doesn't fear science.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006


In a quest to beat-the-heat, I saw A Scanner Darkly this afternoon. It was a dark, disturbing vision of the future that will make you think twice before you go on your next drug-binge. Oh, and the animation was very cool, and even Keanu looked like he had actual facial expressions.

On an unrelated note, I think I'm gonna stick with my new Republican leaning's for awhile.

Wanna fight about it?

Monday, July 17, 2006


George said "shit" today, which will grab all the headlines, but if you actually listen to his whole conversation with Tony Blair you get a real sense that he says what he means and means what he says. While I don't always agree with him, and he was talking with his mouth full, I am having one of those days where I kinda like him again...

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Thanks to this prick-bastard, otherwise known as Hasaan Nasrallah, I had to cancel my weeklong gig at the Beirut Comedy Club. I'm looking forward to seeing his head on a stick, which should happen any day now.

Joking aside, I've been to Haifa and several other cities that are being hit by Hezbollah rockets and I hope that Israel does whatever it needs to in order to protect it's citizens.

Joking not-aside, when do you think the last time that this guy got laid was? I'm thinking never, but if any of you have well-thought-out arguements, I'm all ears...

Wednesday, July 12, 2006


I'm still struggling to write much of anything, but I do feel like a breakthrough is right around the corner. This must be what Einstein felt like the week before he discovered the Theory of Relativity.

(Hey, give me some credit for checking in even when I've got nothing...)

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Just watched the trailer for Rocky Balboa and I'll be damned, but it looks pretty good. I don't know what's going on with me these days. First, I watch GWB on Larry King and I start liking him, and now this. Maybe I shouldn't be standing in front of the microwave when I make popcorn.

I sent out a couple DVD's of an excellent show I had last week. Now we play the waiting game, which seems to be 90 percent of this business. If I only knew how to play Soduku time would go a lot faster.

That's it for now, but this post consisted of two seperate thoughts, which is one more than I've been able to come up with lately, so maybe it's a sign...

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Just watched George on Larry King Live. I don't know how he does it, but I found myself kinda liking him by the end of the interview. Perhaps there's genious in there somewhere...

Thursday, July 06, 2006


I'm still feelin a lil burnt when it comes to blogging lately. I keep trying to sit here and write, but then nothing happens. Perhaps it's because I've had some very good shows lately that are sucking my creative juices, though I like to think I've got enough juice for everything. I even got those hip, new pants say "Juicy" on the ass to prove it.

Point is, the juices are there, maybe I just need new a spoon to stir with...