Tuesday, November 30, 2004

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Well, its the last day of November, and I just checked my little webstats thingy, and for the 7th consecutive month Rubinville has gone up in hits. So thanks to you, the fan who comes back to check my insane ramblings. And also thanks to me, who check this site about 400 times a day to make sure everything is under control. If it weren't for us, I could never get 406 hits each and everyday.

Did the Joey Reynold radio show last night, that 710 on your AM dial. Yea, thats right, AM still exists. It's always fun to do the show, Joey has a real way of letting new voices find themselves, something that is so lost in mainstream media.

Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge has resigned. The terrer threat level went from orange to yellow to green to blue to magent to pink to auburn and back to yellow upon confirmation of the resignation.

Not too much exciting stuff going on in the world of sports since the big NBA brawl. My roomate Mike is 7-3 in his Madden '02 season, though. Yea, you know you're getting old when you are three seasons behind in the Madden series.

The Mets are looking into signing Pedro Martinez. In response, the Yankees announced they will purchase the Mets.

Someone said to me that I should write more personal stuff on the Daily Dave. So that being said I want you all to know that right now, at this very second, I am wearing blue jeans and a green t-shirt.

Why is that that everytime I order Chicken with Broccoli from the local Chinese place, there is is always one piece of chicken in there that makes me never want to order Chinese food again?

Alright, time to go do some highly personal things...

Saturday, November 27, 2004

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Thanksgiving '04 has come and gone. The turkey was delicious, the stuffing was the way stuffing should be, and nobody woke me up during any of my 3 naps. You can't ask for much more than that.

Watched the Sienfeld Reunion like the rest of America. I thought that reunions somehow implied that the people would come together in some way, yet at no point did the entire cast ever appear together. In fact, only for a brief few scenes did even Jerry and Larry David sit together.

I can't wait to have the "Rubin" Reunion. No way in hell I'm gonna sit with those mooching, coat-tail riding bastards.

Saw Billy Crystal's one-man show, "700 Sunday's" on Broadway yesterday. The show was really amazing and I'd defintely recommend it to those who look for my recommendations on the NYC theatre-going experience. The show was deeply personal and extremely funny. Watching this guy, who is so clearly the master of his talents, do say exactly what he wanted to, in the forum that he wanted to do it, will inspire me to do the same thing.

I think there were several grammatical errors and misplaced comma's in the previous sentence but you get the point.

I'm listening to the new U2 CD right now. Literally every song sounds exactly the same and I can't decide if I like it or not. U2 is known to be pretty cutting-edge though, maybe this is just a new genre of music.

Oh wait, I had the CD on repeat. Son of a bitch.

The Ukrainian election is still undecided as protests are going on all over the country. I'm glad I mailed in my absentee ballot instead of showing up to the polls.



Wednesday, November 24, 2004

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In perperation for Thanksgiving tommorrow, and thus spending 24 hours with my family, I have begun drinking already. Drinking will end sometime on Sunday.

Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.

Speaking of drinking, I just had some chocolate milk. Considering I had peanut butter and jelly for lunch I am beginning to wonder if I am regressing somehow. That, of course, would imply that i ever matured in the first place though, and the jury is out on that one.

Drew Henson might get his first start for the Cowboys this weekend. Good to see him doing something besides creating the Muppets.

Dan Rather is retiring. I'll miss that crazy Texan babbling on TV everynight. Now President Bush has to handle that all by himself.

CNN's Crossfire had guest host's today, and one of them, a woman who's name I don't remember, asked the question, "How can you tell the difference between a plastic explosive and a penis in a man's pants?"

Now there's a woman who needs to get out more often.

The Seinfeld DVD is now out with all of seasons 1-3. Pretty exciting stuff if you don't have a little something called television where you can see Seinfeld pretty much every hour on about 7 different channels.

30.6 million people are supposed to travel over this holiday weekend. That's an important bit of information don't you think?

Would it be pathetic to go see the Spongebob movie by myself tonight?

Hmm, maybe I can find someone else outside the theatre.

Ok folks, thats it for me, have a happy thanksgiving.

Monday, November 22, 2004

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The NBA announced the suspencions for the criminals, err, players involved in the brawl in Detroit. Ron Artest is gone for the season, Stephen Jackson for 30 games and Jermaine O'neal for 25. NBA Commish David Stern looked like he aged about 15 years overnight while he was reading the verdict. Poor guy is wishing he had to deal with a Dennis Rodman crossdressing marraige to himself, I bet.

I think Artest's suspension is totally justified and legit. As for the other two, Jackson should also be gone for the season, he ran into the crowd indiscrimintely punching people. And Jermaine O'neal got about the right thing, though he should be thanking his Nike's that he slipped while punching that guy in the head otherwise that dude would probably be in a coma.

All in all, these poor pro atheletes who make millions of dollars to play a sport for a living acted like nothing more than a bunch of monkeys who got hoped on cocaine and then let out of their cages.

I just realized some people might be offended by that statement but I didn't mean it in any offensive way. I don't even know if a monkey's physiology would allow it to be affected by cocaine. It's just creative liscence.

Last thought on the brawl. As a stand up comic, I've seen people throw shit at comics, yell stuff about their mothers and everything in between. Finally, we all now have jutificated to jump into the crowd and start beating people. Thank you NBA.

In other news, I did a weekend up at Banana's Comedy Club in Poughkeepsie, New York. Shows were great and it was nice to get out of the city and see some of that green stuff, what the hell do they call it again? Oh, yea, grass.

Kirstie Alley now weighs 260 pounds and is "too fat for sex" according to Star Magazine. Those tabloids are really such nonsense. I had sex with Kirstie about a week ago and the sex was quite good. Well, except when she was on top, then it was just painful.

Okay, I need to go running I ate at Cracker Barrel yesterday and I accidentely drank a glass of gravy.



Monday, November 15, 2004

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So for some reason Rubinville had more hits this past Friday than in any other single month. I'm not sure what caused this crazy amount of hits but I think it has something to do with me saying that CNN anchor Kira Phillips is hot in a recent Daily Dave posting. I could be wrong, but I just have a feeling.

Did 3 shows on Saturday night. Two of them were wildy entertaining and incredibly funny while the 3rd was just average. Unfortunately, the average one was third which leaves that average taste in my mouth. However, 3 gin and tonics later I had no taste in my mouth whatsoever.

Barry Bonds just won his 7th MVP award. Doesn't it bother anyone that he obviously takes or has taken steroids?

Apparently not.

Colin Powell resigned today which many are saying is bad because he was a rare voice of moderation in the Bush administration. I think its good though, cuz finally we can bomb Bermuda and Micronesia.

Yea, Micronesia is a country, look it up.

Star Jones got married this weekend. Now after months of seeing her lose weight for this occasion we can finally slowly watch her balloon back to her natural weight of 445 pounds.

Watched a little bit of an episode of "Who's the Boss?" last night. It made me think, who is a bigger slut, Mona or Blanche from the Golden Girls?

Happy birthday to comedian Mike Singer. He's not only one of the funniest guys I know but also the elder statesman at the Comedy Company. Rumor has it that he was Sid Ceasar's hero when Sid was a child.

Ellen still hasn't called me to be on her show. Keep e-mailing her folks, it'll happen.

All my fish are still alive from the last batch purchased a couple months ago. One seems to be losing his ability to swim horizontally though, that can't be a good thing.

I think I'm gonna wear a hat today. I do it about 5 days per year, every other year.

Arafat is finally dead. There are rumors that he actually died of AIDS which he got while having various homosexual affairs with his bodyguards. That is one secret sex tape I hope never makes it to the internet. Yasser ain't no Paris Hilton. There I said it.

Ok, time to put on my hat.



Tuesday, November 09, 2004

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Only got a couple mintues cuz i have a bunch to do today but I wanted to throw a couple things out there today...

First off, just heard that Nelly (the rapper, for my white fans) has come out with a new energy drink called Pimpjuice. That's right, one word, Pimpjuice. The pimp stands for Positive Intellectual Motivated Person.

I guess that means I'm a pimp. Aww yea.

Arafat is dead.

No, alive.

Dead.

Alive.

How does nobody know if the guy is dead or not? That's how you know how shady he is, or was. I read an article that said since he controls all the PLO's money they can no longey pay the suicide bombers OR the janitors. Makes you wonder if there are any suicided bombers who are also janitors. They'd be so screwed.

Star Jones is getting married this weekend. I haven't been so ambivalent about something since, well, ever.

A few people have asked me why I'm not on Ellen's show yet despite all the nice things I write about her on the Daily Dave. Answer is I'm not really sure, but I think it's cuz she knows I can't dance.

Wait, what kind of pimp can't dance? Lemme try right now. I need a beat.

"It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes"

Aww ya, I got it now. I feel the rhythm.

Apparently, a number of John Kerry supporters in Florida are currently seeking 'trauma therapy' because of the results of the election. That's why this whole thing is screwed up. These poor people have to get analysis and the people of Mississippi can still go on having sex with their sisters completely unabbated.

Don't ask how I linked those two things. It's just a gift.

Hmm, what else? Oh ya, we're taking Fallujah as I write this. I hope they don't bomb the Fallujah Comedy Club, I have a gig there next weekend.

Ok, that's it for now, as always, if any of you want me to hook you up with tickets to Comedy Company let me know. And if you'd like to hook up with me, just send a pic, and we'll talk.





Tuesday, November 02, 2004

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Election Day 2004 is here. I can't tell you how happy I am that this will all be over in only 3 short months once the recalls, recounts, and re-do's are done.

My prediction is Kerry by 4 or 5 percentage points. I think this high turnout thing will help him. That and the fact that Bush is a moron.

I've lately been changing my basketball game from a slasher to a mid-range jump shooter. It's just that at 28 I have to think about my future, and I won't be able to do all these high-flying moves to the hoop in my mid-30's.

Comedy continues to go well. I feel very connected, in-the-moment and positive while on stage. Now if I only felt half that good in real life.

Ellen Degeneres's new show is up 37 percent over this time last year. Ok, fine Ellen, I'll do your show, call me.

NBA season starts tonight. I'll predict 4 rapes, 2 murders and one cocain related heart attack during the season.

Oh, and the Spurs will win the championship.

I'd like to add CNN's Kira Phillips to my list of hot newscasters. That officially knocks Sam Donaldson off the list. Sorry Sammy.

In Nevada they now have an all eletronci voting system but it lets you see a paper trail of what you've done through a glass window. I think they should put something like that next to your bed during sex. A full run-down, stats, highlights, all that good stuff.

Ah, thats a good premise for a joke. Just try to steal it you NBC bastards.

Ok, happy election day people. And remember if your person doesnt win, just burn down the local Starbucks.

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Election Day 2004 is here. I can't tell you how happy I am that this will all be over in only 3 short months once the recalls, recounts, and re-do's are done.

My prediction is Kerry by 4 or 5 percentage points. I think this high turnout thing will help him. That and the fact that Bush is a moron.

I've lately been changing my basketball game from a slasher to a mid-range jump shooter. It's just that at 28 I have to think about my future, and I won't be able to do all these high-flying moves to the hoop in my mid-30's.

Comedy continues to go well. I feel very connected, in-the-moment and positive while on stage. Now if I only felt half that good in real life.

Ellen Degeneres's new show is up 37 percent over this time last year. Ok, fine Ellen, I'll do your show, call me.

NBA season starts tonight. I'll predict 4 rapes, 2 murders and one cocain related heart attack during the season.

Oh, and the Spurs will win the championship.

I'd like to add CNN's Kira Phillips to my list of hot newscasters. That officially knocks Sam Donaldson off the list. Sorry Sammy.

In Nevada they now have an all eletronci voting system but it lets you see a paper trail of what you've done through a glass window. I think they should put something like that next to your bed during sex. A full run-down, stats, highlights, all that good stuff.

Ah, thats a good premise for a joke. Just try to steal it you NBC bastards.

Ok, happy election day people. And remember if your person doesnt win, just burn down the local Starbucks.