Monday, September 27, 2004

Haven't hit the Daily Dave in a lil while as I was home at the folks for a couple days and needed the mental preperation to do so for the few days before that. The highlight of the family-time was the big debate my entire family (cousins, aunts and uncles included) had about how it is chicken eggs get fertilized. Do they send in a Rooster to bang all the chickens? How do chickens have sex? My cousin claimed that the Rooster has some kind of spray that he spray on the eggs.

Long story short, Foghorn Leghorne was a lucky guy.

Another hurricane is smacking around Florida pretty good. Maybe these people shouldn't build their houses out of toothpicks.

So a day after I post the blog honoring Clyde Drexler, has an article saying he is considering a comeback. Everyone comes back these days. Watch this...

I'd like to announce my retirement.

And now I'd like to announce my comeback.

See how easy that was?

William Shatner is on some new ABC Show "Boston Legal". Can anyone see him as anyone besides Captain Kirk? Hmm, that might be a good hook for the show, Captain Kirk becomes a lawyer in his golden years. First case, whether or not Spock's ears were real.

Football season is in full swing. I can't really get into it until baseball is over but let me make one prediction. I think that that dorky guy and that annoying guy on ESPN will be arguing over a lot of unimportant stuff over the next few months.

Friday, September 10, 2004

Normally, these journal entries are hilarious little tidbits about life and jokes about whatever is in the newspaper on any given day. Today, I want to use this entry to thank and honor my childhood here, Clyde Drexler, who is being inducted to the Basketball Hall of Fame tonight.

I became a basketball fan, ironically, not through playing basketball or even watching basketball, but by playing Sega Genesis. It was 1991 when I got the classic "Lakers v. Celtics" game and soon, me, my brother, and my friends we're all addicted to it. The game itself was a huge step up from Nintendo's "Double Dribble" in terms of graphics and sound, and it used real NBA teams and real NBA players. I don't really remember why I started using the Portland Trailblazers as my team, but I did, and soon I became familiar with all their players and knew more stats than I'd like to admit.

Clyde was the clear star of the team and his signature move was a one handed "glide" to the rim from the free throw line. Yea, Terry Porter could shoot the lights out from 3 point land, but nothing is better than the free throw line dunk. Soon after playing, my friends and I started to get into actually playing REAL basketball and watching it on TV. Something about Clyde's seemingly effortless moves to the hoop, and the way it looked like he was barely paying attention yet so in the game at the same time just awed me. That year the Trailblazers, led by Clyde, had the best record in the league but we're upset by Magic Johnson and the Lakers in the Western Conference Finals. That season was in between two seasons which the Blazers made the finals but lose both times.

Ultimately, Clyde got traded to his hometown of Houston where he finally won his championship and got the recognition he had deserved for so long. His play throughout the post season was inspired and the Rockets became the first 6 seed to ever win a NBA championship. The next few seasons the Rockets were among the Western Conference elite, but never made it back to the finals. Clyde however continued to play at the high level we had become accustomed to.

Watching Clyde play those last few years were when I really learned to appreciate all his skill and dedication. While he couldn't jump as high as he used to, he learned to become a better shooter, rebounder, passer and overall team player. He was known as a true gentleman on and off the court, something pretty rare for any athlete these days. When he retired he still was putting up All-Star quality numbers and defintely could've played productively for a few more season. However, he chose to go out with class and while still playing with the passion and fire that he had always had.

I learned a lot from watching Clyde all those years. Not only did I develop a finger roll second only to his (let a kid dream, ok?), but he helped teach me how to be a team player and how to consistentely pursue my goals. Many said Clyde was too old to win when he was traded to the Rockets, and he proved them wrong because he knew he had more to prove to himself. Clyde finally winning that champoinship after all those years helps me feed my dream of whatever the championship is for me as a comic. His smooth-style, his quiet-reserved attitude and his competitive spirit are all things I think that I have incorporated into my life and continue to work on everyday.

So, thanks Clyde, and goodluck on your next adventure.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

My computer seems to be having major slow-down problems these days. Ironic, because I've recently deleted all the porn and you'd think that would speed the whole thing up. Come to think of it, I think they should add a "DELETE PORN" button to the next generation of Windows.

NASA's Genesis space apsule came crashing down to Earth today and probably lost all the information it collected. Reminds me of the time i was playing Sega Genesis with my brother and he threw the controller at my head, requiring 15 stiches, and three days off from school. Pretty sweet, huh?

So I keep e-mailing Ellen Degeneres, once a day, at her website, She claims to read all the e-mails but has yet to respond to any of mine. Feel free to e-mail her and tell her to respond to my e-mails.

The Yanks requested that the Devil Rays forfiet a game that was postponed because of Hurricane Frances. Yup, that's right, 180 million dollar payroll and they want one of the worst teams in baseball to forfiet. Pathetic.

Yea, no joke there, people. Some things should be joked about. I know when not to cross that line.

Speaking of that line, how about that Russian School Siege. Talk about starting the school year off with a bang.

Ok, ok, that was in poor taste. But I was just illustrating a point. I'm not sure what point exactly, but I think there was some point in there.

Oh, wait, I got joke for the Yankees forfiet situation. So the Yanks want the Devil Rays to forfiet the game which they refuse to do, but the Mets have announced that they forfieted the season about 2 months ago.

Ahhh, there we go. That's the good stuff.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

The Republicans are gone and let me be the first to say that I'll really miss that group of highly repressed, controlling, fearful group of people.

Now that I think of it, the Republicans are a lot like my family.

I think for now on when Bush comes out instead of playing "Hail to the Chief", they should play the music that Darth Vader always came out to in Star Wars.

Anyhoo, we're back to normal shows at the Comedy Company. I'd say 3 of the 4 shows this weekend were great. I've talked about this before, but we really are doing something special almost everynight. When I'm part of those special shows I know I'm sitting there with the next Seinfeld, the next Letterman, then next Johnson.

Who's Johnson you ask? Good question. Well, not everyone makes it in comedy, and I'm sure there was a Johnson who didnt.

The Yankees are falling apart faster than the Kerry campaign.

I wish Bill Clinton a quick and speedy recovery from this bypass thingy. I'll also take the over and whether he'll get two or more nurse BJ's while in recovery.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Republican Convention, Day 2...

I dunno about GWB as a competent president, or even competent human being, but Laura Bush has really white, straight teeth. I waonder if she uses Crest White Stripes.

Can anyone explain to me the technology behind the telepromters that look like see-though glass to us, but show politicians scrolling words? Do they all have some sort of chip implanted in their retina's?

Arnold speech was very Arnoldish. How do you become a charicature of yourself like that? And what's up with him and this 'girle man' thing? I don't see what Richard Simmons has to do with the Republican platform.

Wolf Blitzer continues to be the most boring man on Cable News. Judy Woodruff is right behind him. Ironically, rumor has it he has done her from behind.

Were the Bush daughters drunk or stoned during that speech? I can't tell which, but I know it was one or the other.

In other news I bought new deoderant today. Switched to Gillette after being stricly Right Guard for about 2 years now. I don't know why I made the switch, it was just an impromtu thing. Yea, I'm crazy like that.

They Yankees lostr 22-0 to the Indians last night. The same way I offered my services to USA basketball, I'd now like to offer my services to the Yanks as a replacement starter. While I am a lefty, I throw righty. Think about it, Mr. Steinbrenner.

Been thinking of getting a new Playstation 2 game, anyone have any recommendations? I'm looking for something fairly mindless, lots of shooting and explosions. Like my real life.