Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Daddy Complex

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Meet Ramajit Raghav, the world's oldest father at 94 years old. His spring chicken of a wife, 59 year old Shakuntala, gave birth to their son a month ago. Ramajit says he did much praying and that the child is "god's gift."

Seems to me like Viagra was the real gift here. And if not, they should be selling this guys blood.

Oh, also it snowed here in the north east, did you hear about that?

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Close Encounters of the Political Kind

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New reports say that the democrats are consulting Steven Spielberg to help them rebrand themselves. So far the only thing he has offered up is to make Nancy Pelosi look more alien-like, though her plastic surgeon says that is scientifically impossible.

Here are several other jokes that would've worked there:
  • He has recommended that like ET, Harry Reid hide in a child's closet until it is safe to come out. (Better right before the election.)
  • He told house democrats to shape their mashed potatoes into Tea Party Republicans and then smash them.
  • Mentioned that they might want to stop referring to President Obama as "the Minority Report" president.
  • He reversed roles with them and asked for help rewriting the end to "AI."
  • He told them to get the names of the people on Schindler's List and ask for campaign donations.
Got any more for me? Did I skip something glaringly obvious?

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Elclipse This

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Check out this pretty amazing video of the lunar eclipse last night. Did any of you guys have crazy dreams all night long? I think I had a total eclipse of the brain...

Friday, December 17, 2010

Gone Ice Fishin'

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Didn't get much done in Rubinville this week. Call your local congressman for a tax rebate.

(Back in action next week, just got a lot cooking. Hope everyone is staying warm.)

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Bill Back, Barack Bounced

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Bill Clinton may have just begun his third-term in office. Don't think it's possible? Let's go to the videotape...



Not only does Bill say, "Please go" as he waves his hand at the President, but check out how comfortably and seamlessly he takes the next question and leans on the podium as if to say, "Yea, you all know I still got it."

No word whether he'll be shacking up with Michelle tonight...

Friday, December 10, 2010

Bea Arthur: Marine Chick

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In perhaps the most incredible story to be leaked in recent memory*, The Smoking Gun has revealed documents showing that Bea Arthur was one of the first members of the Women's Reserve and spent more than 30 months as a typist and TRUCK DRIVER in the marines. If Bea could possibly do anything else to cement her legendary status I think this is it. As if Jennifer Anniston could drive a truck for the marines. Puh-leeeease!

Actually, come to think of it, World War II wasn't the only conflict that Bea has ever been part of. Let's not forget her stint as a bartender on Tatooine during a rather difficult time for the rebels in the 1979 Star Wars Holiday Special...



Since that special was a major flop (though I can't see why), allow me to also post this clip from The Golden Girls, which I once heard Bea say was her favorite episode because she got to sing. Yes, that's right, and acting, singing, typing, truck-driving, substitute teacher who lived with her mother in Miami. Take that, Anniston!



*I'm not that impressed by Wiki Leaks anyway. Remember, I used to smoke a lot of pot and watch CNN for hour after hour in college. I knew most of this stuff.

Thursday, December 09, 2010

The Third Time's the Charm...Please

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The trailer for Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon was just released. My feelings about the first two Michael Bay debacles are well documented, yet I'll probably see this one at midnight on opening night. Not sure if that makes me a total sucker or a wide-eyed optimist.

Or should I say a wide-eyed Optimist Prime?

Rim-shot, please!

So, with personal reservations out the wazoo, here is the trailer...



Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Hall of Famous People

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Sylvester Stallone has been inducted to the Boxing Hall of Fame. Sure, he never has fought a real round in his life, but I think it's fair to say he's done more for boxing than most real boxers. While this seems like a perfect opportunity to post any of the numerous Rocky training montages, I thought I'd go with something a little more wordy...


Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Burp, Belch, Boyle

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The web is buzzing over Susan Boyle stopping mid-song on The View yesterday because of a frog in her throat. (I assume figuratively.) But what got missed in all this was that I'm pretty sure Whoopie burped in the same segment. Here's the clip below, note Whoopi putting her hand toward her mouth at 1:33 and then the sound at 1:35...



It's all made even funnier by Sherri saying, "There's something of an angel that comes out when you open your mouth," right as Whoopi belches.

Oh, live TV, I look forward to you mocking me one day for normal bodily functions...