Tuesday, March 18, 2003

GWB gave the big 48 hours speech last night. I'm pretty much behind the president on this one, but I wish that when he spoke he could say a single word without reading it off the teleprompter. I know, thats not really anything original there, but its hard to get past the idea that the man who is running the show that the whole world is a part of, is really nothing more the a former coke head who gets knocked out by eating a pretzel too fast.

France is a real piece of shit country, isn't it? Today, they said that if Sadaam used chemical or biological weapons they would then help us out in the war. Isn't it a little too late for that? I say preemtive strike on France and then we'll figure the rest out.

I'm curious to see how the comedy world will be affected by the war. After September 11th, a decent amount of comics stopped, so maybe that will happen again this time. I think it will help the good comics on their search for truth, because the country will need a voice. Sometimes I think comics are really the last bastion of people who are able to really say anything. I'm not even sure what I want to say, and on top of that, I have to make it funny. This is a fine mess I've gotten myself into.

This 48 hour thing is kinda funny. I'm picturing Sadaam and his family packing for a vacation to Lake George. Then they are in the car and Sadaam's wife says to him, "Honey, I think I left the stove on, we have to run around."

Are you supposed to put the quotes first or the period first in the sentence before this?

I'll end with a random thought. Why is it that in The Jeffersons they needed a live in maid? I mean it was only George and Weasy living in that apartment. And he was a dry cleaner. Was Weazy binge eating at night and getting crumbs all over the place? Makes you wonder, that all I'm saying.

Thursday, March 13, 2003

Third blogger here we come. So, I play basketball in the Urban Professional League here in Manhattan. I'm not a professional by any definition of the word, but they still let me play which is nice. Last night, my team, which was 3-7 coming into the game, decided to play spoiler for the 6-4 team that we were playing. I had probably the best game I've ever played, aroiund 40 points, and we won by five. The only thing I love more than comedy is basketball, and when I was a kid I would tell people I was going to be a professional basketball player. In turn, they would laugh, and that is how I become a comedian. I mention this basketball thing cuz late in the game I had a breakaway layup and some dude inentionally closelined me. Now, I'm not much of a fighter (I don't want to mangle up my comedy hands), but when I got up I just decked the guy into the wall. Then, before I knew it, every player on the court was in on the melee (is that how you spell it?), and technicals were being thrown all over the place. I'd like to take this time to give mad propps to my teammate Dan, better known as DL, for the awesome camel clutch that he gave to the guy who clotheslined me, it would've made the Iron Sheik proud. Mad propps DL, mad propps.

I've got a show tonight at Gramercy Comedy Club where I'll be doing 20 minutes. Anyone know a good joke? I really don;t get how I see most comics go up night after night and do the same set. I literally have never done the same set twice, how freakin boring is that? I wrote freakin there instead of fuckin' because industry people don't like you to say fuck to much. Actually fuck them. I've never even met them. Come to think of it, I don't even know that the industry even exists. Either way, fuck em, fuck em, fuck em.

War should be kicking in any day now. I bought two rolls of duct tape today, one for the plastic sheets and one to tape up the mouths of whoever I'm stuck in the room with.

Sunday, March 02, 2003

Okay, this is my second posting here. Again, I'm not sure what I wanna write about but it's Sunday afternoon and it's raining outside and the Knicks are losing to the Timberwolves 46-21, so if you have a better idea, I'd like to hear it. I'm flipping the channels now and there just ain't much on TV. My mom just called to ask me how to save a file on a floppy disc. I tried to explain to her that nobody really uses discs anymore and that you can e-mail a document but she really wants to put some file on a disc. She said that she has to give the disc with the file on it to Eric. Who is Eric, and what is this file? I didn't ask either question because I've learned that the less that I ask, the less chance that I'll find out more pointless information.

I'm very broke these days. Now I know you are thinking, "But Dave, I've seen you perform at such wonderful comedy clubs as Gladys', how could you be broke?" Well, and I'm going out on a limb by saying this in public, but comics don't get paid well in NYC. We all bitch and moan about it to each other but then we keep telling you people how wonderful being a comic is. I see that happen all the time. So there you go, we're all broke, and we're all slightly annoyed about it. And by slightly, I mean extremely.

Time for something funny now. Hmm. Did you see that Mr. Rogers died the other day? So sad. That was the same day that they lowered the terror level down to yellow again. Coincidence? I think not. (Insert laughter here).

I'm starving, time for Subway. Struggling comic, remember?