Thursday, January 31, 2008


The woman, umm, I mean man, in the video above, just endorsed John McCain for President. I'm a big fan of Arnold's movies - Total Recall is my all-time favorite - and this is perhaps it's best scene. I know a lot of people would say that the scene with the three breasted woman is better, but that's really just a matter of opinion.

In pointless celebrity news, Brittney Spears was either taken to released from a hospital today. I don't care enough to really focus on the headline.

In war on terror news, our military killed a big al-Queda guy today. I wonder if he'll be replaced with another one of those crazy al-Queda-types or if they'll go with someone from an Ivy League college.

And in final news, I have to need to go buy some Chapstick. Goodbye...

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

I assume that if you come to Rubinville that at this point you're a regular viewer/listener of The Ben and Dave Show. I just got word today that our network debut will be on March 14th. I'll have more info soon, but in the meantime enjoy this clip of Ben and I watching the internet sensation, Two Girls, One Cup...

In other news, the Florida primary is today and it isn't looking good for my pal Rudy. It's probably a little late but maybe Rudy should watch the movie Rudy. If that movie can't inspire ya, nothing will...


George gave his final State of the Union Speech last night. Frankly, I found the one above a little more amusing. Enjoy...

Friday, January 25, 2008


Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses who know how to fix a giant head.

I saw Cloverfield last night and have to say it was a pretty awesome, frightening and slightly nauseating (because of the camera angles) movie. While I did thoroughly enjoy it, I have to say that I really need a break from movies where NYC gets destroyed. The last movie I saw was I am Legend, and to see these two back-to-back, especially when you live in the very city that is being crushed, can be a bit much.

Why can't aliens or zombies or man-made monsters ever attack Hoboken, or Las Vegas or Springfield? Which Springfield, you ask? It doesn't even matter, just please, please, have someone have them take a break from destroying NYC. How about destroying all of Los Angeles. I don't even mean that as part of a movie, I mean why can't the United States Army just level Los Angeles? Who wouldn't want that?

Okay, I'm gonna take a walk down Broadway just to make sure it's still there, you know how easily affected I am by these movies...

Thursday, January 24, 2008


I'm back from my news hiatus and obviously not a minute too soon. UFU-seeing Congressman Dennis Kucinich has abandoned his presidential campaign. While he is obviously upset about the decision, my sources tell me that he will now set his sights on running for President of Mars.

Got a bunch of stuff to do, but if you haven't been doing so already click over to The Ben and Dave Show and listen in to some highly hilarious stuff. Do it, do it now...

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

I haven't blogged from Starbucks from awhile so I thought I'd give it a go today. Here I am sitting with my grande coffee, typing in my MacBook and my wearing Gap hoodie. If this isn't what America is all about then I don't know what is.

As you read in my previous post, I did watch a bit of the debate last night. I really felt guilty about it after, but then realized I do this for free, which caused me to get over my guilt pretty quickly. For five bucks a day I think a little guilt might be warranted, but for free, I think not.

For some reason the wireless connection here won't let me sign onto AIM. There's nothing worse than when you are trying to steal an internet signal from the store next door and it won't work.

If the Feds are reading this, that was just a joke, obviously I have an T-Mobile account and gladly pay for the Starbucks wireless connection and am not signed on through the free Staples connection next door. What kind of wireless person do you think I am?

Ugh, this Stap...I mean...Starbucks connection won't let me sign onto AIM. Damn you Stap...err...Starbucks connection!!!

Sitting next to me are two middle-aged women talking about how one of them just put her father in a nursing home. "Now he has people to play cards with", one just said. I have been looking to get into a good card game around here, I wonder if I can ask her which home he is at.

No, that'd just be rude, I don't want them to think I'm listening to their conversation or something.

Alright that's it for now, I'm gonna work on some other stuff as long as I'm here amongst the common folk. If you hear of a good card game around here, lemme know...

Monday, January 21, 2008


Okay, I have to apologize here, because although I haven't watched one minute of news, read a paper nor checked anything online in the last couple of days, I just happened to be flicking the channels and saw that there is a CNN Democratic debate going on right now. As I am sitting here with a glass of wine doing some writing, I have decided to stop my one-week hiatus for a moment and watch this political circus.

Now maybe it's that I've taken some time off from this stuff, but this debate seems like particular bullshit. Hillary and Barrack have been arguing about some comments that he did or did not make about Ronald Reagan while Wolf Blitzer doesn't even seem to recognize that Jon Edwards is in the debate.

As a sidebar, if I hear Hillary say that "this" (meaning whatever she is talking about at the moment) is her life's work, I'm going to puke. Really, Hillary? Really, was health care for poor people what you were working on in second grade? If so, it makes my diorama of the solar system look particularly crappy.

Ok, I'm gonna try not to watch anymore, and i apologize once again to those of you who expected me to not watch for the full week. Of course, since we can't seem to figure out what politicians said a week ago, I guess I can just pretend I never said it in the first place.

Oh, one final thing. I have a feeling that Wolf Blitzer is robot.

Friday, January 18, 2008


I was informed last night by two comedians that my e-mail address isn't working. That would probably explain why the Letterman/Leno people haven't contacted me, as well as why my e-mail box has been strangely empty the last couple days. If you want to contact me please use until further review.

So my newsless life continues and I must say it has been quite enjoyable. Yesterday I managed not to see any form of news whatsoever. I sense neurons firing in my brain that have long been dormant.

Have any of you seen that Geico commercial with Joan Rivers where she jokes about how much plastic surgery at the end? "Am I smiling? I can't tell Steve, I can't tell..." Really funny stuff and nice to see her making fun of herself. It doesn't make me want to change my car insurance, but sometimes I don't even think that's what they are going for really.

I have decided not to call the Subway corporate office and complain about the tomato/lettuce situation until I go back one more time. I can't eat that stuff more than twice a week though, so you're gonna have to give me a couple days to resolve this situation.

I've had shows every night this week with more coming tonight and tomorrow. It's like The Never Ending Story just without Falcor...

Wednesday, January 16, 2008


So, it's been just over 24 hours of no news, and I am still alive and kicking. Not only that, but I think I freed up a little space in my brain that I will now use as an internal calendar. (As opposed to my little scribbles of paper all over the place.) It should be noted, however, that I did mistakenly glance at the cover of the New York Post of the person who was running on the treadmill on the other side of me.* Other than that brief moment, I am free and clear.

*I really run on the eliptical machine, but I don't want any smart remarks.

On another note altogether, I went to Subway today. Those of you who know my stand-up know that I have a running thing with the people at Subway, but today it hit a new low. No joke, they have gotten so skimpy with the veggies at this particular location that I had to ask for both more tomatoes AND lettuce. Who ever wants MORE lettuce? I'm seriously considering making a call to Jared himself.

Yes, I'm a busy man. A very busy man...

Tuesday, January 15, 2008


I've decided to try a little experiment. Please place your goggles on now...

As you know, I like the news, or at least like writing about it. But, just as a test, I've decided to take one week off of the news in all forms. I won't read the paper, watch CNN or any news channel, nor check news websites. If any of my friends or family bring up politics in the course of conversation, I will not participate.

Though I think I know the results of the experiment already, we begin Operation NoBlitzer right now...*

*CNN does not endorse the comments nor views of the author.

Monday, January 14, 2008


Tell me that's not the cutest dog you've ever seen.

(That was sarcasm, if you tell me that I will not be happy with you.)

In case you don't recognize that pooch, that's Emma, my dog and favorite all-around girl. She is a rescue from Hurricane Katrina, and despite being incredibly sick with heart-worm disease after the storm, she managed to give birth to three healthy puppies, one of whom was coincidentally adopted by a lady who lives a couple blocks from me.

We get Emma and her son Bernard together every now and then to catch-up, lick each other and sniff-butt. They have an incredible connection that makes it obvious that they recognize and know each other and it's a really great thing to see.

I normally end these with some sort of funny twist, but for some reason I felt like just telling her story. It should be noted, however, that Emma did mention to me that she'd like a lil non-human, male companionship. So, if any of you have a male dog that you would like to set her up with feel free to e-mail me pictures and a history to

Thank you, and woof, woof...

Thursday, January 10, 2008

John Kerry, pictured here with a professional tan and solid dental work, will be endorsing Barack Obama today. While the pundits (who got everything about New Hampshire wrong) are calling this a blow to Hillary Clinton, I personally don't think anyone cares. I just can't picture picture someone in the voting booth going, "Hmm, well John Kerry likes him, so I'll vote for him." Come to think of it I'm pretty sure it won't even help John Kerry vote for Obama.

It's been very political here at Rubinville lately, which is odd considering none of the majot candidates even campaigned here. I guess our 1/2 a delegate isn't worth much these days.

A new study says that 3.1 million young people have abused cough medicine to get high. Can someone e-mail me instructions on how to do this? I'm so old school I use cough medicine for coughing generally, but I do like to stay hip with the trends.

Gotta head to the drug store, I'll be back...

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

This is gonna be a first in the 5 years of Rubinville. I admit that Jay Leno did a pretty good job interviewing Ron Paul the other night. Jay, has it been your writers screwing you up all these years???

Someone tell me one thing that Paul says in the interview that's not true. Go ahead, I dare ya...

Monday, January 07, 2008

Let the Hillary Mental Breakdown Watch begin...


Some Iranian ships "harassed" three US naval boats in the Strait of Hormuz last night. Tell me Cheney doesn't have an erection right now.

Hillary is getting lots of bad press since the Iowa collapse. According to the Drudge Report, there is even some discussion in her campaign about whether or not to pull-out altogether.

(Insert Bill Clinton pull-out joke here.)

McDonald's just announced that it will be placing "coffee bars" in its 14,000 US stores in an effort to compete with Starbucks. The Big Mac special sauce in a cup of joe doesn't sound too appealing to me, but what do I know?

Now excuse me, I'm off to Burger King to get a Dunkin' Donuts flavored Whopper...

Thursday, January 03, 2008


I'm watching CNN's coverage of the Iowa Caucuses as I write this. First off, lemme say that if you stare at Wolf Blitzer's beard for more than three consecutive minutes that you will start tripping. Secondly, I am quite pleased with the results as of this moment (9:28 pm, eastern time). CNN has just announced that Barack Obama has won on the Democratic side, and Mike Huckabeee has won of the Republican side. I like Obama, and I think this country desperately needs some change, which is what he is all about. As for Huckabee, he won't go much further after this so big damn woop, and as a sidebar, never trust anyone that has lost as much weight as he has.

Mitt Romney did poorly despite spending a ton of money and Ron Paul did pretty decently despite not spending a lot. Poor Joe Biden, who I like, didn't do well, though his 1% was a fully percent better than Chris Dodd's 0%. My main man Rudy got only 4%, but we'll see what happens on Super Tuesday next month. (Whoa, I just had one of those moments when you're like, Do I really care about this stuff???)

As I've been writing this I've been flicking between channels and I now can soundly say that in terms of annoying graphics Fox News has the worst, CNN the second worst, and MSNBC the third worst. I guess that would make MSNBC the winner, but all precincts aren't reporting yet and I don't announce winners until they all do.

Hillary is speaking now though it's not clear yet if she came in 2nd or 3rd. What is clear, however, is that Bill won't be getting a blowjob tonight.

That's it for biting political commentary. As all the candidates say, "God bless you, and God bless America!"

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Seems to me that if you are going to take the high-road and not release a negative ad, you wouldn't have a press conference where you view that very ad for the press.

Silly Mike Huckabee, tricks are for kids...and Iowa Caucus-goers too, apparently...