Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Yea, I said regular post for today, but with this big announcement coming let's just hold off for one more day...

(All sing chorus to Tom Petty classic "The Waiting is the Hardest Part.")

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Sorry folks, really busy today. Regular post tomorrow and all questions about the future answered on Thursday...

Friday, April 25, 2008


No, that picture is not Photoshopped, that is actually Gary Coleman on the set of Divorce Court. I supposed after the legal woes of the other cast-members of Diff'rent Strokes, it was only a matter of time before Gary ended up here. If nothing else, it is another reminder than syndicated television is where the truly groundbreaking stuff happens.

That's all for now. Sorry for the slow week, but big news coming next week that will answer all your questions.*

*That is, all your questions about me, or B&D or things related to that, not all your questions as in the meaning of life or why you don't have enough money, etc...

Thursday, April 24, 2008


Ahh, there's nothing like a little outdoor blogging. I just snapped the picture above at the entrance to Central Park on 81st Street. Yea, that is my finger in the lower right hand corner, I guess I'm not a professional photographer just yet.

So it is an absolutely beautiful day out here and the park is overflowing with people wandering, throwing various balls and just laying out. I've got Emma here with me and she is panting accordingly. (For those of you new to Rubinville, Emma is my dog, though if you couldn't figure that out by the panting comment, you have bigger issues.)

I don't have much funny stuff to report on today. It's so nice out that I can't focus on humor. Actually, some Good Humor Ice Cream sounds pretty good right about now. This post has been short, and if I get my ice cream, literally sweet...
I'm gonna do a posting from Central Park momentarily. Get excited people, this is the future of blogging and the future is now...

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Much like Jason, Hillary just won't die.

I'm pretty sure you have to kill her and bury her bones. Or was that Freddy Krueger? Either way, this thing is never gonna end.

Larry King has just signed an extension with CNN which will keep him at the desk until June of 2011, a full year after he dies.

Ya, that wasn't nice, but I felt I had to.

Actually, I like Larry, here's to making it to 2011 and beyond, old-timer.

There is a new Chipotle opening about ten blocks away from my apartment today and they are offering free burritos all day long. How many of those things do you think I can eat in one day? I'm thinking three. Will keep you posted.

Time to start stretching my jaw for those giant burritos. Wish me luck...

Saturday, April 19, 2008

I'm not sure if this is gonna work, but if it does it means that I can blog while on a train to Jersey using my iPhone. If I can do that, I can do anything...

Friday, April 18, 2008


Guess who sat in the first seat of the first row for a taping of The View yesterday?

Guessed yet?

Well, knowing my clever readers you guessed me, and you were correct. Good job.

You should consider auditioning for Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

Tom Kelly, who is the warm-up comic, hooked me up with the tickets and I literally had the best seat in the house. It was a pre-taped show that will air today, so if you watch closely I'm sure you'll see me in my blue shirt, on Whoopie's side of the table. Tom even gave me a shout-out during warm-up and I must say it's nice to have 200 middle-aged women give you a round of applause. And as a bonus if you listen close enough during Hot Topics you will notice Joy Behar giving us a little mention as well.

In Pope news, the Pope is about to get in a helicopter and it is being shown on all major cable news outlets. Seems like they'd only need to show that if he tripped while getting out of a helicopter, but I guess that's why I'm not a cable news producer.

The Padres and Rockies played a 22-inning game last night in San Diego. Can you possibly imagine the boredom of that? No, no, you can't.

The NBA Playoffs begin tomorrow and for the first time in 7 years my team, the Nets, won't be playing. I guess that means I'll be able to get outside more in the spring this year. Seems like a fair trade-off.

Speaking of getting out, here we go...

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


Doors can be confusing.

Hillary and Barrack are both giving their final speeches. This was a very cordial and basically fruitless debate. Now turn on CNN or FoxNews or MSNBC to watch dozens of pundits pretend they know what will happen next...

Hee-hee, hee-hee. Can you believe I've been doing this for eight years?

Alright, they are back from commercial which means back to our bulleted-list:
  • They are now discussing the Iran which reminds me of a joke I wrote years ago about Iranian President Ahmedinejad who said he was going to wipe Israel off the map. The punchline was that after he said that he used the very map to wipe some hummus off his chin. (Hummus jokes always kill, by the way.)
  • I don't know what the capital gains tax is, and I'm pretty sure if I find out that I won't be any better off.
  • Whatever happened to Al Gore's lock-box? I'm guessing he keeps a bunch of eco-friendly light-bulbs in there.
  • Hillary just said she was in West Philadelphia the other day. I'm sure that I'm not the only one thinking about Will Smith's lyrical brilliance, "In West Philadelphia born and raised, on the playground is where I spent most of my days."
  • They both agree that 4 dollars a gallon is too much. Shocking!
Commercial break, then final thoughts...

Small shoes to fill, indeed.

I'm watching the debate right now so let's get right into it. The first question Charlie Gibson posed was about why neither one of them will commit to becoming the others running-mate if they don't win the nomination. Both went on and on about how the Democrats have to close ranks and thusly avoided answering the question. Ah, good start.

I'll just list thoughts as they come. Enjoy this fancy bulleted-list:
  • Hillary's grandfather worked in a steel mill starting when he was 11. Good to know.
  • Barack is a "man of faith", which pollsters say is better than being a "man of nothing."
  • Hillary has withstood the Republican attack machine for 16 years. You know, like when they made up that whole thing about Bill and the intern.
  • Why don't they broadcast these things in HD?
  • Charlie Gibson wears his glasses too low on his nose.
  • Hillary just called New York "my city." Interestingly she's never lived here.
  • I'm tired of this Reverend Wright stuff. Let's just agree that New York Mets third-baseman David Wright is a fine baseball player.
  • I'm also tired of this Hillary sniper-fire Bosnia thing. If she was gonna make up a story she should've made it more interesting than sniper-fire. You know, like "I got off the plane and was attacked by bears and wolves."
They just went to their first commercial. Lemme post this and will get more up shortly...
Program Note: I will be blogging during the Hillary/Obama debate tonight which is at 8pm eastern time live from Philadelphia.

If I know anything about debates it's that the cheesesteak will be the least cheesy thing in Philly tonight...

Monday, April 14, 2008


I haven't done this in awhile so it is time for the top-ten search phrases that people use to come to Rubinville.

1. Dave Rubin
2. Dave Rubin comedian
3. Horse Vagina
4. Kyra Phillips
5. 1967 Fiat BMT
6. 1000 dollar bill
7. Shirtless Dave Rubin
8. Waldo
9. Gerbil Cages
10. Peyton Manning

Quite an eclectic list, indeed. First off, I have to say how nice it is to see that my name is number one on the list as opposed to horse vagina, which is often at the top. For those of you who don't remember why horse vagina is so prominently placed on the list check out this link...

The rest of the list partly is all over the place. As usual Kyra Phillips is on there, which I'm sure has her pretty excited while she is on assignment in Iraq. The '67 Fiat makes sense cuz of my recent posting about Seinfeld and I vaguely remember writing something about Waldo and gerbil cages. (Though not in one post, I mean how could you possible connect those two?)

As for shirtless Dave Rubin, well, we just haven't gotten to that level of pandering just yet, folks. There's always hope, though...

Friday, April 11, 2008


And now the answer to the great egg debate.

First, let me say that a few of you made very logical and/or funny choices. The answer, however, is that I had a 3 egg omlette (2 egg whites) with some Mexican shredded cheese. What is Mexican cheese you ask? I'm not sure, but its got a couple different cheeses in it, and I assume it was packaged by a Mexican.

General Electric has posted a 6 percent drop in first-quarter profit which is leading many to say that consumer confidence is at a 26-year low. Seems about right to me, I mean 26 years ago when I was five I had no trouble buying He-Man figures, and now I wouldn't even know where to find one. That kind of lack of confidence is staggering.

Ok, I'm off to do various egg and He-Man related things, have a nice weekend...

Thursday, April 10, 2008


Alright, I'm back in action. Unlike American Airlines which apparently doesn't like to inspect their planes.

Actually, I flew American Airlines to Florida last winter and have to say how cramped the seats were. Frankly, I don't mind them skipping a couple inspections if it will result in more leg-room, but apparently that isn't how it works.

(No news yet about you know what. I appreciate the passion in the comments section, just bare with me a little longer.)

So it looks like Katie Couric might split from CBS News before her contract expires. 15 million a year couldn't keep me at that third-rate network either. You go, girl.

Obama said in an interview yesterday that he would like to repeal the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. While gay rights activists were excited at the announcement it turns out that Obama was actually talking about how he plans to line-up the remaining super-delegates.

Yea, I agree, I should've done more with that joke.

I've been seeing a lot of actors that I have no particular feelings for walking around the Upper West Side lately. This week that list includes Stanley Tucci and Carla's husband from Cheers.

Hmm, that'd be something, if I turned this website into a B-list celebrity spotting blog. Watch out Perez Hilton.

Time to make some eggs. Can you guess how I'll be preparing them today?

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

I'm gonna have to ask for one more day of patience from you guys. I had a full post planned for today but then while I was running with the Olympic torch I got accosted by some free-Tibet protesters.

Damn freedom lovers...

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

I don't got nothing today.

(Despite the double-negative, I really have nothing. Back tomorrow.)

Friday, April 04, 2008

You know how every now and then you need to watch something that is just pure, mindless drivel? Enter Alien v. Predator: Reqium, a movie that not only left me dumber but also tired and confused. Why would all the townspeople go to the center of town if you're hiding from the aliens? It's obvious that you'd just then be surrounded by aliens from every side! C'mon people, think!

I made coffee this morning as usual and then sat down to check some emails and flick the channels between CNN and ESPN. Out of nowhere I had one of those episodes where my fingers couldn't get the channels right and i ended up at various other channels until the whole thing sorted itself out. I didn't even know there was an MTV6. It's actually just a 24-hour toilet cam from The Hills.

Oh, you might've noticed that I have added a little advertising banner on the right column here. I did it once a couple years ago only to take it down because I didn't think the money/exposure ratio was right. We'll see what happens this time, but just remember a comedian who can eat is a funnier comedian.*

*This also applies to regular people. According to a 2002 study in the Journal of the American Medical Asssociation (JAMA), fat people tend to be a funnier group of people. For examples just look at John Candy, Louie Anderson and your uncle.

Hillary was on Leno last night (not literally) and was her usual fake, stiff self. I called her at 3 in the morning to discuss her performance, but ironically, nobody picked up the phone.

I know that I've said it a couple times lately, but good work on the comments lately, folks. I really think you might be the wittiest group of commentators on the internet. We should start some kind of a challenge with some other comics' people. You guys vs. Carlos Mencia fans. Biggest mismatch ever.

Final thought for the day: I wonder if Rachel Ray talks to a fake camera when she is cooking alone in her kitchen. Seems like she would...

Thursday, April 03, 2008


Jerry Seinfeld was involved in a one person car wreck yesterday (he's ok) near his house in the East Hampton. It was a one car accident and it appears that it was the result of faulty breaks on his 1967 Fiat BMT. Seinfeld is a big car aficionado and actually owns an entire garage that is abut two blocks away from my apartment here in NYC. I've met Jerry a couple times and I'm glad that he got out unscathed, but this did make me think about something.

This crash took place ten years after his show went off the air. The show aired for nine years so this is about 19 years since his real success began. So, let's just say for a second that I'm on the same career trajectory. That means that I'll have an accident with my rick-persons toy sometime in 2027. I imagine the AP story will go something like this...

East Hampton, The Moon -- Comedy legend Dave Rubin escaped with only minor bruises as the anti-gravity booster on his 1998 Nissan Maxima failed during a leisurely ride through some local craters.

Rubin, who starred in his groundbreaking sitcom "Rubin" from 2010-2019 is also known for his Oscar Award winning portrayal of Dr. Peter Venkman performance in the 2022 remake of "Ghostbusters." The role was originally played by Bill Murray, who personally selected Rubin for the role after the two played golf together on Murray's golf course on Mars.

Rubin took the accident in stride and commented that, "Once I get the flux capacitor fixed in my DeLorean I intend to go back in time and make sure this accident never occurs in the first place."

Yup, that's how it'll all go down...

Tuesday, April 01, 2008


I know that many of my readers enjoy balls so there you go.

Baseball season kicked off yesterday and from what I can see it looks like the Yankee game was rained out. It's their final season in Yankee Stadium so I guess I'll have to get over there a couple times this year so I can tell my kids one day about being in Yankee Stadium the year it closed. There's nothing that young people like more than hearing irrelevant sports stories from old people.

(No news on that thing people, I'm trying, I swear. Keep thinking about Yoda.)

I went to Starbucks yesterday to do some writing and it was so packed I couldn't get a seat. I'm curious if that is just a NYC thing or that happens in Starbucks' all over the place. Can I get some testimonies?

My buddy Mike Gravel has dropped out of the Democratic party and is now running for president on the Libertarian ticket. You guys know how much I like him, but you gotta wonder about someone who keeps going when they know they can't win. I mean I wonder if he has advisor's that are like, "We just cracked .5 percent in Alaska, it's all coming together!"

Actually, I respect the guy for just keeping the dream alive and trying to say what he has to say. He reminds me of this comedian with a blog that I know.

Okay, time to hit the gym and run through The View's Hot Topics. If Whoopie only knew she was keeping me in such good shape...