Thursday, January 29, 2009

One Haggard Homo

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Ted Haggard, the crsytal-meth doing, gay-sex prostitute hiring, disgraced former Evangelical leader, was on Oprah yesterday. We got into that, and a couple other interesting issues on today's Topical. Check it out and let me know what ya think...

http://www.heretv.com/podcast/topical32.mp3

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

NBSC

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The highly moral people at NBC have just banned this PETA ad from airing at the Super Bowl. Take a look and then we'll discuss...



Now considering all the other crap we see everyday on TV, I don't see how this ad is so bad. Unless, of course, the people at NBC think that somehow people will start having sex with their vegetables after watching this. Though, if that is the case, wouldn't more people then buy vegetables, thus helping the economy? One way or another, this all seems very un-American, if you ask me.

Oh well, I guess this just means one more talking animal or baby commericial...

Monday, January 26, 2009

Thank You Mind-Bending Drugs

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It was due to happen, and it finally did.  I have been sick all weekend.  It's my first time in a couple years (knock on virtual wood), and seems to be passing today, so it looks like I will survive.  NyQuil is really just fantastic, by the way.

Today is the Chinese New Year, which ushers in the Year of the Ox.  I've been racking my brain for an Ox joke, but I can't think of one.  It might be residual NyQuil complications, or maybe just that I didn't go to Oxford Comedy School.

Get it, Ox-Ford?  Oh yeaaaaa.

Hey, cut me some slack, I'm highly medicated.

Speaking of not feeling well, McDonald's has posted a rather incredible 80% profit increase in 2008.  There's nothing quite like a recession to fatten people up.

Speaking of fattening up, I sense a Number 4 in my future...

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Quick Change

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I just watched the President Obama speak at the State Department.  Man, he is thinking big.  It really seems like there will be a new deal in the world, and the US is back in business.  People are excited about America again.  This must've been how it felt in 1945.

Now you'll have to excuse me, the milk-man is at the door...

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

King And Queen Of The Balls

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Damn, they're good.

So, there they are, the new first couple, dancing at one of the many balls last night.  I will forgo all the "balls" jokes and go right to the heart of the matter.  It seems to me that these two people are either genuine, loving, decent people in the world, or we are all severely fucked.*

*Note:  I try not to curse around here, but somehow that's how strongly I feel about this.  I mean they just seem so freakin' in love and truthful, that if it isn't true, and they are just taking us for a joyride, then we are simply fucked.  That's the word, there is no other.

As great as the whole thing was yesterday, I have to say that Cheney in the wheelchair and the evil hat was by far the best part.  Could he possibly have looked more like an grumpy, evil bastard?  I guess maybe if was petting a hairless cat, but it was obviously too cold to bring such an animal outside.

OK, like the president, I have may things to do today.  And also like the president, it starts with a workout...

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Out With The Bush, In With the Bama

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I just uploaded my thoughts on this historic day to YouTube. It might take a few minutes for it to appear here, but try clicking play and see what happens...



Alright, I'm off to the gym to watch the inauguration while running. If I see one person watching The Price is Right instead of the inauguration, I'm going to personally change the channel for them...

Monday, January 19, 2009

Drinking Margaritas

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Is how I am celebrating George's last day. Full, thoughful, poignant post tomorrow, aka Obamaday...

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Goodbye George

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George just gave his farewell speech to the nation and I must say it was much smoother than the rambling, stumbling speech he gave to the press corps a few days ago.  He opined about hot topic issues, mainly 9/11 and freedom, and winked and smiled accordingly.  For someone that seemed mildly drugged, he read the whole thing off the teleprompter with barely a mispronunciation.  

So, I guess that's that Georgy-boy.  It's been something, to say the least.

According to FoxNews.com, Oprah hasn't given a dime to Obama's Inaugural Committee.  I wonder if it has something to do with the whole dry vagina thing she was talking about last week.

(That's what we call a call-back in the biz.)

A 22 year old girl is selling her virginity on Ebay, with the highest offer being 3.7 million dollars so far.  I could think of roughly 3.7 million better things to do with the money, but hey, I guess that's what makes the world go around.

I really like a nice Jarlsberg cheese.  Anyone else?

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Where Have You Gone Mike Tyson?

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Rubinville reader Alphonso just sent me this preview of the new Punch-Out game on the Wii. Take a look and then we'll discuss...



Pretty cool, right?

So, yes, as you can see, they did drop Mike Tyson from sponsorship. Apparently, he had been demanding that he would have a special "ear-bite" move and would be able to butt-rape The Bald Bull. Since Wii is a family game system, Nintendo balked at those demands.

Despite getting rid of Tyson, they did keep the snappy theme music, though with a slightly faster version. Too bad I'm no longer assistant manager of Electronics Boutique or maybe I'd have early access to a copy of the game.

Did I just really say that?!

Yes, yes, I did...

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Dances with Wolf

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I had to post this just cuz I was so pleased with that title. Wolf is so white, he makes me look black...



Friday, January 09, 2009

Best (And Dry) Life Week

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As I write this I am watching Oprah's Best Life Week show on sex.  I won't go into all the grueling details but I had no idea so many women were suffering from dry vagina.  Upsetting at so many levels...


Thursday, January 08, 2009

The Amazing Spider-President

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You are looking at the cover of The Amazing Spider-Man issue 583, which will come out the same week as Barack Obama's inauguration.  It was a toss up between putting Obama on the cover or Green Goblin, but the people at Marvel decided that the country just isn't ready for a goblin on the cover of a comic book.

Had Subway again for lunch today, and in a bizarre shocker, the guy gave me the full eight slices of turkey.  I don't know if they read Rubinville or we are in an economic boom suddenly, but either way I like it.  

Got a couple things to do, I shall return...

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Not So Super Mario

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(Pictures won't load at the moment, it must be a 1004th post issue.)

I just read that Super Mario Brothers has officially been overthrown as the best-selling video game of all-time.  Before I tell you the game that is the new number one, let's all take a moment to relive all the mushrooms we ate and koopa's we jumped on.  

Ok then.

So, the game that dethroned Mario is another Nintendo by Nintendo itself, Wii Sports.  As of this week it has sold over 45 million copies which just pushed it past everyone's favorite plumber.  (Unless your toilet is clogged in which case it is always the guy who fixes it.)  Some of you may be crying foul, because Wii Sports comes with the Wii system, but you may remember that Mario came with the 8-bit system, too.  I own both games, and I must say it is nice to be a part of history.

All four living presidents joined Barack Obama at the White House for lunch today.  I feel like there is a joke somewhere in there about what they each ate specifically, check Leno or Letterman for it at 11:30 tonight.

Is it pointless to make your bed at 4:40 in the afternoon?  I feel that it is, yet my bed is calling me to do something about it....

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Seat This!

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As you've probably heard, this man, Roland Burris, was selected by Governor Rod Blagojevich to replace Barack Obama as Senator from the great state of Illinois.  (Why is every state "the great state" by the way?  Seems like we can all admit that North Dakota ain't much.)  While Burris seems like a decent man, the powers that be in the Senate are putting up a fight about him because of the Blagojevich scandal.  As I've read about this today, I can't help but think that not only is Blagojevich a scum-bag for basically trying to sell the senate seat, but also for so cynically choosing this man who nobody had heard of before.  In a time when the country has come so far by electing a black president, it is a damn shame that all the news outlets are talking about how the senate is blocking what would be the only black senator.

As far as I'm concerned Blagojevich can go back in the time warp that his hair is from.

And that's all for the serious portion of the blog today.

Moving along, I have noticed that lately when I get my foot-long turkey sandwich at Subway that they are only putting seven slices of turkey in the sandwich.  Before the recession it was eight.  This is how it starts, folks.  Next thing you know the "sandwich artists" will be out of a job and we'll have to make the sandwiches ourselves.

Hmm, that gives me an good idea for a new job for Blagojevich...

Monday, January 05, 2009

Rubinville at 1001: Easier Than Ever

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As if post 1000 wasn't enough for today, I have an extra bonus for you.  If you look right above this post, along with Myspace, Facebook and email, we now have a button "rss feed."  If you click it, you can subscriibe to Rubinville and automatically see when I post something new.  Sure, you lose the element of surprise, but just like the Flowbee, sometimes consistency is better than a hot, new dew.

For those of you who like surprises, don't subscribe and simply just hit refresh all day long until you see something new.  Or have your assistant do it for you, that's really up to you...

(For my more tech savvy readers, please do not tell me I should've had an RSS feed three years ago.  If I've learned anything from Heinz commercials over the years it's that good things come to those who wait.)


1000!

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(1000 Russian Rubles.  The best I could come up with.)

We've made it, people, post #1000.  I have been thinking about what 1000 means and I've come up with a couple things...

First, I hope that 1000 posts means that, at the very least, I have made you chuckle 1000 times.  Most likely it is more than that, though I'm sure sometimes you don't chuckle at all, and sometimes I get several guffaws.  

Secondly, it means that with the exception of my two or three mobile posts, I have sat down at my computer 1000 times to amuse you.  That's even more times than I sat down to look at porn.  Impressive, right?

Thirdly, joking aside, I spent some time last night looking back on many of the past posts, and it has been quite a ride with this blog.  So much has happened to me personally and professionally, and it's pretty cool to see what I was thinking all along the way.  

So, what's next?

I've been thinking how I can make this site bigger and better and I've come up with a couple things.  Since I know people like lists, here we go...

1.  I commit to post something everyday for this year.  Sometimes it will be just anything, but that seems better than nothing.

2.  We have just begun videotaping the Hot Gay Comics podcasts and I will start posting some of the videos here with links to the full podcasts.

3.  I will respond to all comments one way or another.  This is something I used to do, and then people started telling me it was unnecessary.  I enjoy doing it though, and it makes this interactive which is gonna be very hot in  2009.

I have a couple other surprises in store, but I don't wanna give it all up right now.  Oh, and also, since we are gonna make this more interactive, if we aren't friends on Facebook or MySpace, let's make that happen.

(That means you have to click above and request me, I don't know how to add anonymous internet friends.)

Alright, so 1000 and counting.  I'm pretty sure that makes this the longest running website on the internet after Amazon and Xtube.  

I will be back later today with a more humorous post, but I will leave you with this profound thought.  I am watching Live with Regis and Kelly as I write this.  The show went HD today which makes Regis look like a cartoon and Kelly look like an alien.  

Post 1001 this afteroon...