Thursday, July 31, 2008

20 Million Reasons to Stay Home

There are reports that the Green Bay Packers are offering Brett Favre 20 million bucks NOT to play football this season. That's right, they wanna pay the guy NOT to play. Even putting aside that the guy is one of the greatest quarterbacks ever, the idea of paying anyone NOT to play just seems ridiculous. If anyone in the world of comedy is reading this, I will gladly NOT do comedy for a 20 million.

Ah, you know what? I'll even NOT do comedy for a paltry 15 million.* This offer stands for one week from today.

*Or best offer.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

One Fat Cat

This absurdly overweight cat, all 44 pounds of her was found wandering the streets in Blackwood, New Jersey. The cat, now named "Princess Chunk" is awaiting adoption, though experts say it is unlikely she will be adopted because a person could adopt five normal cats for the same weight.

That's my first ever fat-cat joke here on Rubinville. Next up, lizards.

Oh, also please note that I didn't make the obvious joke about how the woman in picture could probably lose a couple pounds, too. That's what we in the business call, "taking the high road."

Alright, I'm gonna get cracking on this lizard joke. For inspiration I will go to two places where one can find lizards here in NYC. Petco and the local tanning salon...

W: The Movie

The trailer for Oliver Stone's new movie about President George, aptly titled, "W", has just hit the internet. It looks like it will focus on his boozing, coked up days, also known as the 80's. It will be interesting to see how Stone handles this, and I'll probably fork up dough to see it.

"JFK" is a top ten movie for me, anyone else?

Here is the trailer for "W", and I'll be back later with a full post, but I gotta get to the gym before Hot Topics...

Friday, July 25, 2008

Obama's World Tour


Obama continues his world tour today as he meets French President Nicolas Sarkozy in France. The picture above is from yesterday in Berlin, Germany, as he spoke to an estimated 200,000 people. Now, if memory serves, the last time a guy spoke to so many people like that in Germany it didn't work out so well. Picture it, Germany, 1939...

If you didn't get the Sophia reference there, then you probably won't care about Sophia Petrillo Marathon on Lifetime today starting at noon. It kicks of with The Golden Girls pilot and will include such classics as when Sophia gets married to her old friend Max, when her sister Angela tries to steal her boyfriend, and when she becomes a nun. Great stuff, indeed.

Oh, back to Obama for a second. So he's touring all over the place, meeting with leaders and giving speeches to hundreds of thousands. Can someone remind me, is he running for President of the United States of America, or President of the Earth? I'm all for change, but this might be a bit much.

Nancy Lieberman, all 50 years of her, played basketball last night in the WNBA for the Detroit Shock. Though she went scoreless in 9 minutes of action, she did have three hot-flashes.

(Yea, that's one of those I could've done more with.)

Will Ferrell's new movie, Step Brothers comes out today. I feel as if he's already made this movie at least four times.

The International Olympic Committee has announced that Iraq will be disqualified from the games for "government interference." I'm not sure that was what President George meant when he said that the Iraqi government has to step up. I guess it's just nice to see them doing something, though.

Alright, gotta do some stuff before the big Sophia afternoon...

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Rubinville: New and Improved!

Clearly, Emma is very excited about the fresh look here at Rubinville.

I'm gonna let it simmer for a little bit before the first all-new post.

Oh, but before I forget, the folks at Lifetime obviously read Rubinville, because starting tomorrow at 12 pm, they are doing a Golden Girls marathon in memory of Estelle. Set your Tivo's accordingly.

Simmer beginning now...

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Petrillo Power

So, I have to mention the incredible amount of e-mails/texts/MySpace and Facebook messages that I got about Estelles' death. You really would've thought I was related to her, or at least worked at Shady Pines for a summer or two. Anyway, thanks to everyone who wrote to me. That is except for the person who wrote " least it wasn't Bea."


In other big Hollywood news, Christian Bale, batter known as Batman, apparently assaulted his mother and sister. Strange, I could've sworn that Batman's mother was murdered alongside his father in a back alley after a night at the theater many years ago.

Hurricane Dolly is hitting Texas as we speak. Why do I have a feeling that President George will have the National Guard prepared a little more quickly for this one than Hurricane Katrina?

We're getting closer to the new version of Rubinville. The project has been delayed a couple times mostly because of the rising prices of raw materials and crude oil. However, the federal government has decided to help us out a bit and I think we'll be up by the end of the week.

Bagel time for Dave...

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Thank You For Being A Friend


Estelle Getty, otherwise known as Sophia Petrillo on The Golden Girls passed away today at the age of 84. She was a great actress with wonderful comic timing and she will be missed. When the show first started she was going to play just a small role, but as time went on and people started liking her more and more, she was as much one of the girls as any of the others.

I assume Lifetime will do some sort of 24-hour Sophia Petrillo Marathon. If not, I'll have to find someone to put a Sicilian curse on the heads of the network.

Thank you for being a friend, Estelle...

Friday, July 18, 2008

Na-Na-Na-Na Batman!

They're saying this might be the biggest movie weekend ever between The Dark Knight and Mama Mia! I'm still behind in my summer movies as I haven't seen Hancock or Hellboy 2 so I have a lot of work to do. Oh, and I still haven't seen The Godfather but I'm pretty sure that it is out of theaters already.

Hot Gay Comics tapes for television on September 3rd. It'll be a stand-up show with myself and a nice selection of comedians that I have hand picked. If you are gonna be in NYC at the time and wanna come, shoot me an e-mail.

I've got some crazy tendinitis in my elbow from an old basketball injury. Anyone know a homemade remedy for that?

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi called President Bush "a total failure" yesterday. When asked about Democratic-controlled Congress she said, "Oh, we're just a 99.9 percent failure."

That's it for now but since I skipped yesterday I'll try for something later...

Wednesday, July 16, 2008


I haven't posted a YouTube video in awhile but you have to check out this new video from the people over at JibJab. Talk about on the money...

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Tuesday Inspiration


In case you missed it, something magical happened last night at Yankee Stadium. Josh Hamilton, pictured above, who has a long history or drug and alcohol problems, hit an amazing 28 home-runs in the first round of the Home-Run Derby. I actually turned on the TV just as he was in the middle of the amazing streak and it was really one of those sports things that I will remember exactly where I was when it happened.

(I mention all this because I know how many drug addicts and alcoholics read Rubinville and I offer it up as a little inspiration. Come to think of it, I do always drink a Long Island Iced Tea when writing this. Is that a problem?)

The dollar has dropped to a record low today. Luckily, I don't have many of them, so it isn't a major problem.

(I mention this because I know many poor people read Rubinville and I offer it up as a little inspiration.)

Courtney Cox has just signed on to do three episodes of Scrubs. I swear I thought that show was canceled like five years ago.

Oh, this just in to the Rubinville Newsroom: Brett Farve is he isn't...yes he he isn't....yes he is...

Monday, July 14, 2008


In case you haven't seen the cover of the up coming New Yorker, there you go. I have no idea what the story will be about, but if they wanted to create buzz and get on all the cable new shows, I'm pretty sure that Obama in a turbin will do it. And is there anything hotter than seeing Michelle Obama fist-bump while holding an AK-47? I think not.

So, I know I had a slow week here at Rubinville last week and promise for a full 5-day posting this week. Unlike the Bush Administration I hold myself accountable for my errors. I also can eat a pretzel without blacking out.

Eddie Murphy's new movie Meet Dave debuted this weekend with a pathetic 5.3 million dollars. Does anyone else in Hollywood have a worse good to bad movie ratio? If you take out the late 80's his ratio drops even further, which is almost impossible.

Miss USA tripped once again at the Miss Universe contest last night. Believe it or not, it is the second consecutive year that Miss USA has done that. I can't figure out the exact link, but I know that this has something to do with rising gas prices.

Alright, lemme get my day started here. Remember, posts everyday this week. Feel free to spread the word amongst your family, friends and well-wishers...

Thursday, July 10, 2008

That's Just Nuts

Jesse Jackson wants to cut Barack Obama's nuts off. There's nothing like a hot microphone to bring out the class in people.

Speaking of Barack, he has opened up his list of donors to Hillary so that they can help her wipe out her campaign debt. So far, she has only raised about $100,000 dollars from them, despite being over 10 million dollars in debt. It seems to me that he could ask those donors to do many better things with their money than helping Hillary, who has plenty of money herself. What am I missing here?*

*I know, I know, I am naive, and that is his way of buying her support.

Gonna go for a run, I'll try to check in later once I have more information about this Iranian missile situation...

Monday, July 07, 2008

Rich Man's Logic


Hope everyone had a hot dog and fireworks filled weekend.

I had to follow up my last post about Rush Limbaugh with this brilliant quote from Gilbert Arenas, the Washington Wizards guard, who just signed a 127 million dollar contract the other day...

"What can I do for my family with $127 million that I can't do with $111 million?"

Ah, there's nothing like a rich athlete to put thing in perspective, right? Little does he know that it is that last 16 million that can really get you to the next level financially and spiritually. Too late for him though, the deal is signed and sealed.

The NYC tabloids are all abuzz with divorce stuff these days. I just read that Madonna's brother has said that her marriage "is from hell." Keeping with the theme today, can you imagine how much money it must cost to have a wedding in Hell? And not only the cost, but then all your family and friends have to get there. Worst destination wedding ever.

Time go go get lunch somewhere within my budget. Chipotle here we come...

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Rich Rush

Rush Limbaugh has just signed a 400 million dollar deal that will keep him on the airwaves through 2016.

Can someone puh-leeeeease explain to me what is wrong with this country?

Dog Eat Dog World


That is Charley, my sister's Pomeranian who I was gonna dog-sit for three weeks. I say "gonna" because Charley spent all day barking, which caused another dog in the building to spend the day barking, which caused me to send Charley packing. I wish it would've worked out, but I guess I can't dog-sit until I live in a castle where nobody will be irritated by such things.

Ironically, I had to let Charley go on the same day that it was announced that real-estate mogul Leona Helmsley has left billions of dollars of her estate for the care of dogs. If only I could;ve gotten some of that money earlier I would've bought said castle and this whole thing would've worked out. Timing truly is everything.

Alright, I'm meeting A-Rod and Madonna at her apartment. Will be back this afternoon...

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Don't Rain on my Parade


This picture was snapped at about 1:3o on Sunday, while I was fortunately safely, and dryly, indoors. Sunday, of course, was the big Pride Parade here in NYC, and believe it or not, this insane storm didn't stop the festivities from going on. Actually, this crazy downpour lasted only for about 20 minutes and then we had mostly sunshine for the rest of the day.

As for the day, it was spent with plenty of friends and also plenty of margaritas. If you haven't made it out here for the parade yet, I highly recommend you do, and I haven't officially recommended anything here on Rubinville since sliced bread.

As of yesterday I am dog-sitting for my sister's three year-old Pomeranian, Charley. Two dogs, one NYC apartment. I smell a sitcom!

Gotta shower and get to work, and by work I mean walking, feeding and cleaning up after my four-legged friends...