Sunday, February 27, 2005

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Today is the officially the second anniversary of the Daily Dave. That's right, a mere 2 years ago this little journal began as nothing more than the words of a hapless dreamer and his since developed into the words of a completely hapless dreamer. Actually, today I looked back on some of the archives for the first time in a long time, and it's nice to see the progression of how I write and what I write about, but I know that even the stuff I write about now is only another step in the right direction to get whever the hell it is I am going.

I've recently been told by Bob Castrone that because the Daily Dave is an internal blog to Rubinville, and not a stand alone blog page like most other are, that I will never been accepted by the general blog community. At first this worried me, because maybe I'm not getting my voice out there enough just cuz of the format of this page, but then I realized that being part of the blog community doesn't sound really good, does it? It sounds a little like being part of the leper community or the transgendered community.

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

All that being said, as of today we at the Comedy Company have launched ComedyCompanyNYC.blogspot.com. It's standard blog format and it'll be where the comics of Comedy Company come to write thoughts, ideas and general world-taking over manifesto's. The first installment is up now, and if you're a comic and want to post to it, lemme know.

Saw Bill Cosby last night at a theatre in New Jersey. He's definitely not the Cosby of the 80's anymore and his topics have changed from fatherhood to trying to age gracefully. He still is magical to watch up there, though I don't think he was at sharp as when he was in his prime. For me, it was interesting to see the guy who in many ways inspired me to get into comedy as he is clearly in a different phase of his career from the guy who I cam to admire so much. His prescence, his style and his sensibilities are all still the same and he did some intereaction with the crowd that was really great. He also ended by doing his famous dentist bit, which got just about the biggest laughs I've ever heard. The show lasted about 2 and a half hours, just Cosby and the microphone. My set on the late show was about 20 minutes, so I've still got some work to do.

The Oscars are tonight and I'm guessing they'll be pretty boring despite the fears of Chris Rock saying "fuck". We still fear "fuck" for some reason. Ironic, we fear "fuck" and wear "fukc" clothes. Hmm hmm.

Actually, I haven't even seen any of the big movies this year, but this does give me an oppurtunity to list 5 movies I highly recommend. In no particular order...

Naked Gun
The Never Ending Story
Contact
9 to 5
Minority Report

Why 5 movies? Why those 5? Good questions. Those are just the 5 that popped into my brain at the moment.

The union of stunt men want to get an Oscar category all for themselves. Does nobody enjoy anonymity anymore? Trust me guys, being tracked down by the media all the time and signing autographs gets boring pretty quickly. Enjoy the fact nobody knows nor cares about you.

Alright, that's it for this entry and here's to ushering in year 3 of the Daily Dave. May its themes continue to mature and get funnier. And, of course, may the anti-stunt men material and fart jokes be plentiful.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

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I've officially cancelled AOL and along with it the days of Comedyguy2 are over. In case you missed it, my new e-mail is TheDaveRubinShow@gmail.com, or as always dave@rubinville.com.

Cancelling AOL took me about 45 minutes on the phone with a very pleaseant Indian fellow who claimed his name was Josh. I've never met a Josh with such a strong Indian accent, but I guess that's just how integrated to America people are becoming these days. Unless he is actually in India because it is cheaper to outsource our jobs to a foreign country, but that would be completely absurd.

The conversation with Josh was completely insane as he kept trying to convince me to stay with AOL. He kept dropping the price from 23.95 to 14.95 to 9.95 to 4.95 and then to completely free for a few months. He said that the last one was as a courtesy to me since I've been such a loyal customer. As tempting as his free offer was, cancellation commenced and I'm now free of America Online. I guess al-Queda wins this round.

So anyways, now that I no longer have AOL, I also have a new Instant Messenger screen name. It is, drumroll please....

Optimus Hilarious

Yes, that is a nod to my favorite transforming robots, and no, I'm not talking about the Go-Bots. So bud list Optimus Hilarius if you want to talk to me online, but remember, I'm more than meets the eye. Much more.

NBA trading deadline is Thursday. Rumor has it I'm getting traded to the Knicks for a second-round pick and cash considerations.

Speaking of hoops, got a playoff game tonight. I've been on a nice little run the last few games so we'll see how it turns out. I'm a little concerened about my play because of the long lay-off since the All-Star game, but I'm a pro, so I should be able to shake it off.

Did you see this videotape of a pizza place brawl in Ohio? If you haven't basically a camera in a pizza place caught a huge, fat, and apparently hungry man, beating the crap out of another guy after the fat guy's girlfriend had cut-in line and spit in the face of the guy behind the counter. Now, I wasn't there so I don't know what was said before the melee, but lemme say that fat people are usually hungry, and contrary to popular belief, not as jolly as they would have you believe. So, if one cuts you in line at a pizza place, just let them do it. Most likely they will die of a heart condition relatively soon, and they need to max out their eating time here on Earth.

There is also some great video being shown on CNN of a man in China who apparently had some sort of breakdown and began beating up his own car from the inside with a baseball bat. Cops surround him and ask him to stop, but instead he gets out of the car and chases the police officers who run away like little girls. I'd write a joke about that, but I think it wrote itself.

Playing Baldurs Gate: Dark Alliance 2 on PS2. It's the follow up to the first Baldurs Gate which me and my roomate made quick work of. I purchased this game at Circuit City instead of the local Gamestop because of the nerd-comment incident that happened there about a month ago. For more info on that debacle, check the Daily Dave archives.

And for more information on Cheerios check out www.cheerios.com.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

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Had 2 great sets tonight after a whole bunch of greats sets this weekend. Tonight, the first was at Comedy Comany and the second was a rare appearance at Stand-Up NY, on the Upper-West Side. It was really a great feeling to crush so hard at a "mainstream" club because it confirms that all the hard work that me and my guys do is really paying off. I literally didn't tell one pre-written joke and just went up there and chatted with the crowd, and before I knew it people were yelling at each other and all-hell was breaking loose. It really couldn't have been more of what I want to do on-stage. Ahhh, feels good.

I missed the NBA All-Star game tonight, but I'm watching the post-game press conference and apparently Allen Iverson dedicated the MVP trophy to his best-friends mom, who passed away this week. I don't want to make light of that, but it would've been totally different if he had dedicated the award to his best-friends mom if she were still living, am I right people?

Apparently, whore-deluxe, errr, I mean rich-socialite Paris Hilton, had her Sidekick phone/organizer hacked into and now people all over the internet can access all her famous friends e-mails/phone numbers, etc. Lemme just say this now, if one of you freaks out there call me because of this I'm gonna cut Paris off completely.

President Bush admitted to using marijuana and basically admitted to using cocaine in these new audio tapes that were released today ironically by some guy who has a book coming out and needs some publicity. (Sorry for the run on sentence there.) Now, we all know Bush did these things before, and I'd argue he still might do a lil somethin-somethin. Actually, according to a woman who I was sitting next to at Zabar's the other day, Bush is so hopped up on Prozac that he has no need for other drugs anymore.

If you can't trust the words of a woman talking to some old man who you are sitting next to at a communal table then who can you trust?

So the new SAT is replacing anologies with essays. This gives me two ideas. First, the essay should be about how making a subjective part in a standardized test is completely ridiculous. And secondly, Essays are to the SAT as Jay Leno is to the Tonight Show.

Get it? Get it? Maybe I should fax that over to the people at Letterman. Anyone know the number?

Saturday, February 19, 2005

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More of an update coming either later today or tommorrow but just wanted to give ya all my new e-mail address....

TheDaveRubinShow@gmail.com

Yup, I'm now part of the Google family. Very exciting stuff.

So yea, e-mail me there, or as always at dave@rubinville.com

More coming later...

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

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So the NHL cancelled their season today. Now, I know that many people come to Rubinville for a bit of light-hearted funny during an otherwise excrutiatingly painful work day, but I have to be serious in my comments about this whole lockout thing.

As a comedian, I've spent about 6 years handing out flyers on the street 5 or 6 nights a week in order to get on stage. This often includes little to no money and we do this regardless of weather or if it is even sane to do so. Some of the comics that I "bark" with (barking is our term for handing out flyers, since we're basically dogs out on the streets), are the most dedicated, hardworking, and clearly insane people that I know.

But, whether we're all nuts, or we're all dreamers, or we're all nutty dreamers, you have to love comedy to stand on a street corner in sub-zero temperatures and hand out flyers. And you know what, if tommorrow they said to me that when we bark there are gong to be snipers out of the rooftops of Times Square who will be aiming to kill us, well, I'd still bark. And if then they told me that there would be snipers shooting at us while wild elephants tried to trample us down, well, I'd still bark. And if they said that while the snipers and the elephants were out there that they'd be playing the Jay Leno monologue through loudspeakers, well, I'd still bark.

So that's how much I love comedy. And when these multi-millionaires are fighting over money with other multi-millionaires to PLAY A PROFESSIONAL SPORT, well, then they all just suck.

I wish I could've ended that sentence with something more biting that "they just all suck", but they really, really do. And not the good kind of suck.

Finaly thought on this. I don't like hockey. I never watch hockey or go to hockey games. I change the channel when hockey highlights are on Sportscenter. I don't even like people who like hockey. I do, however, have a thing for being passionate about what you love.

In other news, I took a walk to Central Park today to see "The Gates" that everyone is talking about. These are the big orange flag type things that some French artists put up in the park at a cost of 22 million dollars. As I walked through them I wanted to have some sort of feeling one way or another about how I felt, but I really felt absolutely nothing towards them. Then, remembering they were French, I decided I didn't like them.

Oh, Dave, you ask, why still hate on the french? It's so passe. Good point, I say. But the real question is, did I even spell passe correctly?

Since many of you are probably wondering how my Valentine's Day went, I will say the following. McDonald's is even more depressing on Valentine's Day than on any given Wednesday.

Yes, that is true, and please don't ask for more info.

Ashley Olsen is suing the National Enquirer for 40 million dollars for spreaidn what she calls false lies about her being involved in a drug scandal. I don't know if that's true or not but I banged her last night while she did cocaine off her sister's asscrack.

Little know fact about me, Jackie Mason's brother performed my circumcision. No, that isn't a joke. That's gotta be weird for the parents. I mean one son is a comedian and one a guy who chops penises. Makes you wonder something, I'm just not sure what.

Can someone please explain to me the logic behind Kirstie Alley being the spokeswoman for the new Jenny Craig ads? She's fat. Am I missing something here? Have they just given up altogether?

Yea you know what ladies, you're just fat so you might as well get used to it, Kirstie Alley sure has.

I've suffered back to back blowout loses in basketball this week. Tonight I scored 21 and we lost by about 35. That's what we in the biz call an "Antoine Walker"

Doing the Joey Reynolds radio show tonight at 2 am, you can listen live on 710 am in NYC or online at www.wor710.com/listen. Yup, that's right, 2 am, also known as the furthest thing possible from primetime.

Monday, February 14, 2005

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I hope that one day I'm half the entertainer that is the magnificent Flava-Flav.

It's Valentines Day today. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

(Did that sound like my crying? It was supposed to but its hard to effectively type out an adulty trying to cry like a baby.)

Great shows at Comedy Company this weekend. We're trying to do 4 comics per show with everyone doingmore time, more like a standard comedy show, rather than the mess of 15 comics that most NYC standup shows have become. Stand up goes in many peaks and lulls and often just standstills, but I'm back in a nice run of feeling creative and really connected when I'm up there. As Krusty the Klown would say, "I've got my comedy K's"

Big win in basketball last week. I was hot from 3-point land and we beat teh first place team by one point. I then took the money I made and donated it to a Muslim charity which I later found out was just a front for Hamas.

Oh wait, that was Hakeeem Olajuwon.

Except the being hot from 3 point land, that was me. Hakeem wishes he had my 3-point range.

Someone mentioned to me that having some spelling errors here in the Daily Dave adds to the overall color of what I'm doing. With that in mind I'd like to say that I'm sdojfs prowzlo of krwmd!

I so needed to get that off my chest.

The NFL Pro-Bowl was yesterday. I came across it while flicking channels. I stopped for 5 seconds and according to the Nielsen people, those 5 seconds were the first time that anyone had ever watched the Pro-Bowl, ever.

In response to the person who e-mailed me saying we should drop the nuclear bomb on France 3 times just in case some of the mutants survive the second bombing, I have talked to some people and we'll see what we can do.

Apparently Chris Rock, who is hosting this years Oscars, says that "only gays watch the Oscars". In response GLAAD announced that they would prefer ever-so-hunky Dean Cain to host the awards instead of the lanky, acerbic Chris Rock.

I'm not sure if only gay people watch the Oscars but I do agree with Rock when he said that "giving awards for art is fucking idiotic!"

I guess this means much like Chris I won't be getting an Oscar anytime soon. Even for my remake of his remake of "Down to Earth".

Thursday, February 10, 2005

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North Korea has finally officially admitted that they have nuclear weapons and now are gonna step up their nuclear program. This, of course, puts the US in a tough position, cuz how can we allow them to have nukes when we invaded Iraq because we though they might-sort-kinda have em?

With that in mind, I think it's time I release the official list of what countries we are taking over next according to the insiders are Rubinville. This is in order...

1. Iran
2. North Korea
3. France
4. Great Britain
5. Whatever arises from what's left of France.

Now obviously, 1 and 2 aren't that big surprises. And come to think of it, 3 isn't such a big surprise either. As for Great Britian we're doing it just as a lil joke, but also a warning to everyone else that they better be even more friendly to us or we're coming to get them too. And as for number 5, well, we can't have french mutants running all over the place, can we?

In other news, turns out that Hakeem Olajuwon gave money to a Islamic charity than ended up funding Hamas and other terrorist organizations. I guess David Robinson doesn't feel so bad anymore for when Hakeem terrorized him in the Western Conference Finals for over 30 poitns per game and a 6 game upset on the way to a 2nd championship.

I could've thought of something better there but Bob Castrone knocked out all the good lines on the Hakeem story. Check out www.myblogispoop.blogspot.com to see all the things I should've thought of but got up too late to write.

Hewlett Packard fired their CEO yesterday, further shrinkening the amount of female CEO's at major companies. Does this have anything to do with why my HP printer acts like a bitch whenever I try to print a color document?

That was so weak, I apologize to you and your family.

I think that came out because I'm in a bit of a bad mood cuz our wireless internet isn't working and I can't have the laptop on my lap as usual and instead I am having to crunch over the table to write all this.

For some reason I'm funnier when the laptop is on my lap. Must have something to do with the warm computer air being blown on by balls.

I'm considering hiring a homeless guy as my assistant, whatdya think a fair wage would be?

Accidentely rubbed my face ysterday after touching a pole on the subway. Somehow still feel dirty after two showers.

There is a big debate in NYC right now whether there should be a new football stadium for the Jets on the West Side. They keep showing all these commercials for it, then a minute later they show commercials against it. It's totally conflicting and confusing. Actually, its kinda of like all those beer commercials during the Superbowl, are they pro-beer or just saying people are fucking idiots?

Or is it both?

Whoa, that was deep.

Monday, February 07, 2005

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Patriots won the Superbowl yesterday. I just copied and pasted that sentence from my blogger last year and two years before that.

Ate a ton of wings and pizza and chips and beer as did pretty much everyone else. The commercials all pretty much sucked, and America's obsession with talking animals continued. I don't really getthe talking animal thing. I mean yes, one time when I was in college I was really high and I thought that my friend Todd's rabbit asked me to pass the bong, but even still, I just don't get it.

I was on the subway yesterday and I hear some guy yelling about Jesus, and I'm thinking, "I know that voice", and I look up and it is a guy I went to high school with. See mom and dad, it could be worse than being a comedian, I could be some Jesus-freak yelling on the subway.

Condoleeza Rice is in the mid-east at the moment and says there is a good chance for a "hostoric breakthrough". What she didn't say was that she wans't talking about peace, she was talking about a new type of falafel with the hummus built in the middle.

Yes, I'm still depressed over the fact that the guy I voted for in the Iraqi elections lost. I'm just holding out hope for their next election in 54 years.

I'm about to sign up for a gmail account but I want a name a lil more witty than davidrubin@gmail or drubin@gmail, etc. Anyone got a good one for me?

Watching Sportscenter the day after the Superbowl is like watching porn a day after you've been to an orgy. Just repetitive and boring.


Thursday, February 03, 2005

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As I often do in the morning over my coffee and orange juice, I am watching The View. One of the topics on today is, "Can you really trust your pap smear?"

I'm not even sure what a pap smear is but what's the difference? Just don't tell it any important secrets if you don't think you can trust it.

Watched most of Bush's State of the Union Address last night. I'll let the pundits debate whether it was good or not, I just couldn't stop looking at Cheney and Dennis Hastert sitting behind the President. Have you ever seen two grumpier white guys?

Maybe Jack Lemmon and Walter Mathaiu, but those would be the only other two.

They are saying that American Idol's ratings last night were better than network coverage of the State of the Union. I'm fighting the urge to make a comment about more talented people being on American Idol cuz that show blows too. So, I will say nothing and just resent the whole damn thing.

Joy Behar just asked Tori Spelling if there is a lot of nepotism in Hollywood. Think that sentence through and it is funny, ironic and disturbing all at once.

A huge fight broke out at a high school girls basketball game in Prattville, Alabama yesterday. Cops had to use tasers and several people were arrested. I'll be damned, girls high school basketball draws a crowd. See WNBA, it can be done.

I'm currently playing basketball in a couple different leagues as a sub for several different teams. I played like garbage last night (only 3 points) but we won in double overtime as Matt Usdin knocked down not only a 3 at the end of regulation but a buzzer-beater at the end of the 2nd overtime. There was a lot of tension throughout the game and I thought a fight might break out, but hey, this wasn't no girls high school game in Alabama.

I've written about the plethora of hot women on CNN's daytime schedule, including Kira Phillips, Darrin Kagin, etc. Now they've gone and mucked up the whole thing by bringing that ex-MXNBC loser Rick Sanchez. Poor choice Mr. Turner. Poor, poor choice.

Okay, time to go running. Not sure what I'm running for or from, but I have some suspicions. And no, its not what you're thinking. Sounds like someone is projecting!


1 comments
As I often do in the morning over my coffee and orange juice, I am watching The View. One of the topics on today is, "Can you really trust your pap smear?"

I'm not even sure what a pap smear is but what's the difference? Just don't tell it any important secrets if you don't think you can trust it.

Watched most of Bush's State of the Union Address last night. I'll let the pundits debate whether it was good or not, I just couldn't stop looking at Cheney and Dennis Hastert sitting behind the President. Have you ever seen two grumpier white guys?

Maybe Jack Lemmon and Walter Mathaiu, but those would be the only other two.

They are saying that American Idol's ratings last night were better than network coverage of the State of the Union. I'm fighting the urge to make a comment about more talented people being on American Idol cuz that show blows too. So, I will say nothing and just resent the whole damn thing.

Joy Behar just asked Tori Spelling if there is a lot of nepotism in Hollywood. Think that sentence through and it is funny, ironic and disturbing all at once.

A huge fight broke out at a high school girls basketball game in Prattville, Alabama yesterday. Cops had to use tasers and several people were arrested. I'll be damned, girls high school basketball draws a crowd. See WNBA, it can be done.

I'm currently playing basketball in a couple different leagues as a sub for several different teams. I played like garbage last night (only 3 points) but we won in double overtime as Matt Usdin knocked down not only a 3 at the end of regulation but a buzzer-beater at the end of the 2nd overtime. There was a lot of tension throughout the game and I thought a fight might break out, but hey, this wasn't no girls high school game in Alabama.

I've written about the plethora of hot women on CNN's daytime schedule, including Kira Phillips, Darrin Kagin, etc. Now they've gone and mucked up the whole thing by bringing that ex-MXNBC loser Rick Sanchez. Poor choice Mr. Turner. Poor, poor choice.

Okay, time to go running. Not sure what I'm running for or from, but I have some suspicions. And no, its not what you're thinking. Sounds like someone is projecting!