Thursday, September 18, 2003

"Well, Hurricane Isabel has hit land, and if you think naming a hurricane after a woman is sexist, then you've never seen the women at the sales rack at Bloomingdales."

I loosely stole that line from Kent Brockman, the newsman in The Simpsons, when a hurricane is about to hit Springfield.

Why is it that we have th need to send newspeople ou tto the middle of the storm. They look like complete morons as they stand out there in a raincoat and golashes. "It sure is rainy and windy out here." Hot damn, there's a hurricane and its rainy and windy. I can't believe it.

The ComedyWorks website is now up at We've also got major news about the club coming in the next few weeks. I'll have my press people writing up a very wordy release.

Thursday, September 04, 2003

I'm not feeling any particular inspiration right now so I'm gonna try to do some freestyle writing here and see what happens. By freestyle, basically I'm just gonna keep typing even when I'm not having any particular thought. So, right now, for example, I'm not really thinking of anything but I'm writing it. I guess this could become a massive headache for both of us, but I've started and now I can't stop.

So I'm watching the The People's Court right now, I think Marilyn whats-her-last-name wears too much makeup to be a judge. For some reason I don't think a judge should wear red lipstick that you would expect a hooker to wear. Although, speaking of hookers, I've noticed that the hookers on 8th Avenue don't wear that much makeup anymore. What kind of world is it when our judges look like hookers and our hookers look like they need more makeup?

I just made new business cards using some business card software. That seems like a good thing to do with business card software, right?

Why is it that no matter how many times I clean my room that all my clothes end up on the floor? I don't remember ever putting everything on the floor, yet it just gets there. I think there's something going on that I don't know about.

If you are reading this and have seen me perform lately, if you have a better finish for the bit about the guy behind the counter at Subway, I'd really like to hear it. For some reason I can't finish it off right. Come to think of it, I have the same problem with sex, I just don't finish strong.

I'm not sure what that meant either.

Freestyle writing here folks, I can't be help acocuntable for any of this.

Okay, I think that's it for today, see ya on the flipside. Or next time you come to Rubinville, either or.

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

Jay Leno makes me sick.

Literally, sick.

As in I just tried to watch the Tonight Show for a few minutes and I feel phsyically ill.

Luckily, since I'm doing comedy just about every night I don't have the chance to see the show that often, but I took a rare night off tonight and tuned in for a couple minutes. That guy is literally the biggest hack known to man. I won't get off on a crazy rant about him, but if you want to know my feelings about Jay Leno I'd recommend buying or downloading Bill Hick's bit on Leno from about 1992, I forget which CD it is, but I'll post that in when I find out.

Leno is a sellout at every level. I don't know one self respecting comic that likes the guy, yet nobody will say that in public because everyone wants to get on his show. But even getting on his show isn't like it used to be when Carson hosted - then, if Carson liked you, you made it. Now Leno is at the helm and since nobody really respects him, nobody respect the show. Damaged goods, is what it is. I'm sure Johnny Carson would be flipping out if he knew what garbage his show became, but somehow I doubt he watches.

Oh, I guess I did get off on a rant there, huh?

Okay, now I don't wanna seem like some angry player hater so lemme list some comics that I really respect and admire:

Bill Cosby
David Letterman
Jerry Seinfeld
Larry David
Ellen Degeneres
Chris Rock

I guess writing this hurts my chances of getting on The Tonight Show, but to quote Derrick Coleman, "woop de damn do". I'd rather do some stand up and then sit there with Letterman any day. Whether you like him comedically or not, the guy at least has managed to keep some level of intergrity in a business that has none. Leno is further along in the Darkside than Darth Vader ever was. He's more machine than comic.

Ah, good to get some shit off my chest. Over and out.