Friday, August 29, 2003

My roomate Mike got the Juiceman Juicer for his birthday last week. Ever since then I've been juicing like a madman. While I do fear that my eybrows will eventually become silver and bushy and turn upwards like the Juiceman's himself, I cannot stop the juicing process. Today I'm thinking I'll go with some sort of orange/apple/carrot combo. There is a rumor some grapfruit will get in there, but I can't confirm nor deny that at this point.

Comedy continues to go really well. I've noticed lately that the general state of the NYC comedy scene is a distarter, with tons of comics depressed about the way things are going, but we've really got an awesome thing going on at ComedyWorks. I'd bet that there isn't a better, more creative atmosphere in the entire country as for comedians to be part of. The website for the club will be up soon at

Hmm, what else?


Friday, August 22, 2003

So Arnold is running for the governor of California. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to capitalize the "G" in governor, but now that Arnold is running I am official never capitalized that word again. Anyways, President Bush has already come out and said that Arnold would make a good governor, which means the endorsement is right around the corner. And that was making me think, I mean, what is GWB basing this on? How does he know Arnold would make a good governor? Does he know any of Arnold's policies? Does Arnold know his policies? Does anyone know any of Arnold's policies? I don't think so. But maybe, just maybe GWB things that Arnold actually is the Terminator. He's walking around thinking, "Boy, if he can go back in time to save John Conner and thus save the world, he'd sure make a pretty good governor. He can probably go back in time and kill Grey Davis' mother. And I know he'd work well with children because of Kindergarten Cop. And I bet he'd surround himself with good people, like his twin brother, Danny DeVito."

Oh, that crazy GWB.

Let's see, what else is going on? We had the blackout last week which was interesting. Governor Pataki became like a 7th grader doing current events during the whole thing? "I don;t know who did this. I don't know what happened. I don't know when it happend. I don't know where it happened. And I don't know how it happened. Now where are my shoes?"

Oh, that crazy Pataki.

OK, time to shoot some hoops. I've re-found my old three point touch. Gonna go show those 12 year old whose boss.

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

I'm doing the old Daily Dave today live from Central Park where I'm sitting on a green park bench by the Great Lawn. I don't know why I felt it necessary to tell you the color of the park bench, but I don' t feel like deleting that sentence, so know that the bench is green and revel in all that knowledge.

We've been getting a lot of hits here at Rubinville lately, which is making the general population here quite happy. We're also working on a website for Comedyworks so in a few weeks you can check out and find even more hysterical stuff.

I was discussing the lifestyle of a comedian the other day with Tarun and he said that he doesn't want to be 30-something and alone in a room with just a couple jokes to show for it. I told him that if he wrote more joes that the room would seem more full and that then he would be ok. Pretty sound advice I think.

My roomate rented the "Old School DVD" yesterday because it has some bonus footage. Bonus Footage. Who are these ass monkeys fooling? Bonus footage is just extra crap that they couldn't fit in the original movie in the first place. Bonus Footage. Yea, I usually walk out of movies thinking, "You know what? That movie was pretty good but I wish there was another 30-45 minutes of it. If they only would've tacked on another 45 minutes to the boat sinking scene in the Titanic I really think it would've more enjoyable. Ya, 45 minutes more of the boatin sinking, that woulda made it just perfect!"

So Arnold is running for Governor of California. I saw GWB say the other day that he thought Arnold would make a good Governor. Now, obviously he says that only because they are both Republicans, I mean what is he basing this statement on? He has absolutely no idea what Arnold policies or thoughts are on anything. (Much like the general public as well as Arnold himself.) Then I got to thinking - Maybe GWB thinks that Arnold is actually the Terminator in reality - And who would fuck around with Governor Terminator? Not GWB, apparently.

Sunday, August 10, 2003

I'd like to start today with a shout out to my fans in Cincinatti. That's actually the first shout out I've ever given. I tried to give one a couple years ago but I lost it mid-sentence cuz i choked on a piece of apple.

So I went to the Broadway Arcade on 42nd Street yesterday with Bob Juergens. We played several intense games of Ms. Pacman, and though I do pride myself on my video game skills, Bob won each game. In the last game he won by only 20 points, or two pellets, because I foolishly checked the score instead of seeing that Blinky and Clyde were closing in on me.

We looked around for some of the newer video games to play but I gotta say I know I'm getting older because I'm intimidated by all the new games. Have you ever seen that dancing game? You actually dance to techno music on some crazy board for points. This is not something a comedian should ever take part of. I actually thought of going up to the kids and saying, (in old man voice), "Back in my day we didn't have dancing boards, we had joysticks with 1 button, 2 if we were lucky. Now go home and nap, damnit!"

Marty, I'm writing about you in this sentence you are reading right now. Thank you for not physically attacking any audience members this week. Much appreciated. Keep up the good work.

I'll end with this. I've noticed that I enjoy writing comedy - or whatever this is. But, when I do stand up, I like just going up there and seeing what happens. I've become the comedian who can't tell a joke. I gotta look into that.

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

I'd say that watching television at 4:30 in the afternoon is probably one of the worst experiences you can have as a human being. Despite my 100 plus channels on digital TV, there is absolutely nothing to watch. I almost gave up and left "Crossfire" on CNN on, but Tucker Carlsons tie is way to upsetting. What a freak that guy is. I mean how hard can you be trying to look intellectual to be 30 something and wearing one of those dorky ties? I wonder if he has sex with that tie on. Of course, that would imply he actually has sex, which, we all know isn't true.

Long story short, I'm watching "Weekend at Bernie's" on HBO. I've seen it probably 30 times. It too bad they had to actually kill Terry Kiser to make the movie, though. Whatever happened to Jonathan Silverman? I'm picturing him in an alley somewhere trying to score some drugs. Whatdya think?

Check out my friend Mindy's newest online column at -

She's a comic ally of mine (as Tarun calls us all). Funny girl and good writer.

Think that's it for now. Weekend at Bernie's is calling.

Friday, August 01, 2003

Just as a public service reminder, my e-mail adress is - My old e-mail address, has been wigging out lately, so if you are trying to e-mail just send it to the AOL one. AOL is a giant monopoly and they need our money and service to help them take over the world.

Comedy is still going real well. The club has been getting better and better, and I'm working in a really good creative mode lately. Sometimes when things are going well I have this feeling that some disaster is about to strike, but thats not very productive, so after a couple shots of tequila I don't think like that anymore.

Caught Minority Report on HBO yesterday. Great flick. Something very similair happened to me actually. Without getting into it, that whole eye replacement thing isn't as painful as it looks.

Just hooked up wireless internet to my apartment here. Now I can sit on the toilet and take a dump while researching about toilets. Pretty cool.

Dinner just arrived, turkey burger and fries. Adios.