Tuesday, January 31, 2006

If you're still looking for the Gadgetell article I wrote just go to their site at www.gadgetell.com and scroll down a couple entries. Those guys do mad postings per day and it's hard to keep up.

Yea, I said mad postings...


In the middle of a bunch of stuff today but check out www.gadgetell.com for an insightful and humorous little piece that I wrote for the site.

Do it. Do it now...

Monday, January 30, 2006


Well, it's official, my four month run of being cool because I have a black Motorola RAZR is over. Today, I saw a woman walking down the street, in her late 60's or early 70's, talking on hers. Not only was she talking on it, but she was also using a bluetooth wireless headset. That's what we call the nail in the coffin of coolness.

It was a nice cool-run though, I haven't had one like that since I had all of the "Garbage Pail Kids: Series One" cards back in third grade.

My day today was long, sweaty, dirty, and involved heavy-lifting. Anyone wanna guess what I was doing?

The big debate in the sports world these days is will Kobe hit 100 points in a game. Let me save you some time and tell you that he will accomplish the feat on March 12, 2007. I know that because a crazy scientist friend of mine made time machine made out of a Delorean and I've taken it on several crazy voyages.

I just realized I think I might've used that joke in some other form here on The Daily Dave, but unless you have a time machine how will you ever know?

Oh, wait, the archives. Those damned archives. I knew they'd come back to bite me in the ass. Well, at least I don't have a search button.

Hmm, a search button. Now there's an idea...

Up early today as I have some stuff to do. I'll be back later with a full post, but let me leave you with one thought...

There is something evil about Katie Couric.

See ya later.

Thursday, January 26, 2006


As I write this, I'm watching Oprah grill James Frey, author of "A Million Little Pieces", about the apparent lies in his book. There is something truly amazing about seeing someone torn apart by an icon on a national TV show. I didn't read the book, nor know much about it, but Oprah seems pretty peeved that James took huge liberties while writing what he claimed was a memoir. As a writer, I'm a little conflicted by this because I know how things can be embelished and changed to protect the people around you.

With that being said, I do have to get something off my chest. I never flew around on a giant dog named Falcor while saving the world from "The Nothing." I took it all from the movie "The Never Ending Story." There, now you know.

By the way, "The Never Ending Story" is one of the movies that I can watch over and over that I mentioned in Friday's posting. Yes, it's the one with the ironic ending.

Whoa, Oprah is just laying it on this sucker. So the guy made up some facts in a book, big deal. They've been doing that since The Bible.

Burning bush? Puh-lease...

Get used to seeing more hotties like this one, as Hamas has won the Palestinian elections. It creates quite the dilemna for GWB because even though Hamas is a terrorist organization, they just won a democratic election. In some ways it's as if we've created a monster that is now going to be unleashed on ourselves. The whole situation reminds me of when Doctor Mindbender created Serpentor to be the next leader of Cobra, but then Serpentor became a dictatorial leader who led Cobra to some of their worst known defeats.

Yea, I just compared Doctor Mindbender to GWB. See if you find that kind of insight on CNN.

Alright, I have to go now, that's actually a picture of a girl I met on Jdate.com. We're having brunch...

Wednesday, January 25, 2006


Faithful reader, Dan Magier, has corrected something that I wrote in yesterday's post. It turns out that hyper-nerdy ESPN analyst Jim Grey was married to Hannah Storm, not Willow Bay. I say "was" because Dan also claims that they are no longer married, but I haven't been able to independently confirm that.

Either way, Ahmad Rashaad is still "my main man."

No, that's not a contestant on Arab Idol, that's once black man, now white woman, Michael Jackson. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Can you imagine what it's like to live in your own amusement park in sunny California one day, and then just a few short months later to be wearing full Muslim garb in Bahrain the next? Good work, Michael.

Have you heard that Google in China will restrict it's search results as to not offend the Communist government in China? Now it'll be almost impossible to keep The Dave Rubin Fan Club of Xiaoshan alive.

Yes, Xiaoshan is a real city in China. Why I'm so huge there is a mystery to me.

Oh, before I forget, quick warning to you ladies who are pro-abortion. If you want one you better get pregnant quick and then have it because Alito is turning this thing around. My schedule is pretty tight but I can get have a couple more appointments left before the end of 2006.

Did you see Bush in Kansas the other day when a student asked him if he had seen Brokeback Mountain? He got all nervous and fidgety and then said that he had "heard of it." Hmm, I think thou dost protest too much, Mr. Bush. And I also think you protest too much.

Ok, that's just a little taste for the morning, I sense there will be more as the day unfolds. I also sense scrambled eggs...

Tuesday, January 24, 2006


I haven't done it in awhile, so it's time for the top ten Google search phrases that people use to come to The Daily Dave...

1. Kyra Phillips
2. Dave Rubin
3. Rubinville
4. Horse Cock
5. Horse Jizz
6. Daryn Kagin
7. Horse Vagina
8. Hot Newscasters
9. Ahmad Rashaad
10. Ikky Shuffle

Once again, Kyra, my favorite CNN anchor, tops the list. Her co-worker, Daryn Kagin, is probably pretty excited too, as number 6, right between "Horse Jizz" and "Horse Vagina". I do find it a little odd that so many people search the two ladies of CNN so often and yet Wolf Blitzer has never cracked my top ten. I wonder if people just don't care about Wolf, or there are just so many websites devoted to him that I'm just way down the list. I suppose that I could just Google his name find out, but that's better left for his stalkers.

It's also good to see Ahmad Rashaad on there. After all, he is "my main man."

If you didn't understand that reference then you probably won't appreciate any of my Willow Bay humor either, so I'll leave it at that. Let me just say though that she's married to Jim Grey for God's sake. How the hell did he pull that off?

On the lunch front, I just had two hot dogs from Gray's Papaya on 72nd Street. There was a sign in there that said, "Our frankfurters are better than Dom Perignon." Now, I don't think that is really a fair comparison, but I can't refute it, either. I just wonder if you go to a fancy restaurant in NYC if they have a sign there saying, "Our Dom Perignon is better than a Gray's Papaya hot dog."

I'll go to a fancy restaurant one day, I just know I will...

Mike Ditka is a guest right now on The Tony Danza Show. Somewhere in America a housewife just said to herself, "Who the fuck is that guy and why is he talking to Mike Ditka?"

Ah, the old switcharoo, I love it.

Full post shortly...

Monday, January 23, 2006

I think 81 points is worth two pictures in one day, don't you?

So, I've been thinking about Kobe's performance and watching the highlights, and it really is an amazing feat he accomplished, even if you aren't a sports fan. It's the equivalent of a great musician playing a song better than they have ever dreamed, or a great writer finding inspiration from a place they may never again visit, or an accountant finding a tax loophole that was thought to have expired in 1927.

There is one shot Kobe took, in the middle of the fourth quarter, where his body was twisting in mid-air as he flung the shot towards the hoop. Of course, it was a perfect swish. The more I have seen the replays, the more it has made me think about what kind of discipline and training and committment it takes to be able to do anything at such a high level.

For me, I can think of twice while playing basketball that I was better than any other time. I can think of maybe three or four comedy sets that I felt were truly something special. And once, just once, I was involved in a sexual experience so amazing that I felt I had taken it to a whole new level. I just wish someone had been there with me to experience that one.

Moving on, I just caught a few minutes of a new show on VH-1, called, "Web Junk 20". This show seems to signal that television is finally throwing in the towel and admitting defeat to the internet. The show just plays clips of internet videos that are probably sitting in your in-box right now. Why then do we need to see these grainy, often poor-quality clips on our television? Is there nobody out there who can bring anything interesting or new to TV? How do network executives get away with this crap? And most importantly, when will the internet challenge television to a Steel Cage Match?

Hot damn, I just had an idea. The Daily Dave on TV. Groundbreaking, irreverent comedy on television...Excuse me, I have to make a phone call...

Oh, forget it, groundbreaking and irreverent have nothing to do with TV. And anyway, I was just gonna call my grandma.

Actually, I do think it's a solid idea. Me doing a live version of this, but in TV format. Like the O'Rielly Factor, but funny. Or Tucker Carlson's show, but funny. Or the Colbert Report, but funny.

Can someone from NBC or HBO or Fox that are reading this shoot me an e-mail? It's time to get the ball rolling on this.

I should mention that I don't watch The Colbert Report, but it just fit there.

Okay, time for something personal. One thing that I've been thinking about lately is what if I give everything that I have to my art and still come up short? That's an incredibly scary thought to me. But then I think that maybe I have to share that fear to truly get better at what I do.

Don't worry, I haven't had my Kobe game yet, so I'm not going anywhere, but that question is something that I think about almost everyday.

Okay, I gotta go now, I'm off to practice that jumpshot. It's all in the follow-through...
Kobe Bryant scored 81 points last night againt the Raptors. I really need to work on my jumpshot.

I'll be back in a bit with a full update...

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Just a couple things I think you should know about me...

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Dave!

  1. The canonical hours of the Christian church are matins, lauds, prime, terce, sext, none, Dave and compline.
  2. Dave became extinct in England in 1486!
  3. Ancient Greeks believed earthquakes were caused by Dave fighting underground.
  4. Dave is the only metal that is liquid at room temperature.
  5. Dave was originally called Cheerioats!
  6. If the annual Australian Dave crop was laid end to end, it would stretch around the world seven times!
  7. Dave can pollinate up to six times more efficiently than the honeybee.
  8. The first Dave was made in 1853, and had no pedals!
  9. You would have to dig through four thousand kilometres of Dave to reach the earth's core!
  10. Dave will always turn right when leaving a cave!
I am interested in - do tell me about

If you take anything from this, please, please, NEVER make a left out of a cave, I simply can't stress that enough.

Ok, I'm off to polinate some stuff. Have a good Saturday...

Friday, January 20, 2006

Looks like the Verizon guy hasn't been walking around Central Park lately, because their wi-fi network wasn't working today. That left me sitting there, unwired, like a regular sucker. Instead of posting, I edited my one-man show a bit and then did some casual people watching. People sure are something, aren't they?

So Osama bin Laden says that he's got some big attack planned. At the same time, GWB says we're not call a truce with him. I'm thinking we get the two of them in a small room, give them some psychotropic mushrooms and see how it all shakes out. That's how I settled my fued with Tupac.

Oh look, "Weekend at Bernie's" is on. That's one of a handful of movies I can watch anytime they're on and always enjoy. Anyone wanna take a stab at some of the others? I'll give you some hints; One involes a woman whose breast size has changed, both bigger and smaller, many times since the movie. Another one has an ending that it highly ironic. And another one stars a man who cut-off his ex-wife's head and murdered her boyfriend.

Let the educated guesses begin...

The weather is so perfect outside today that I'm heading over to Central Park with my laptop in a few minutes. If the cloud alignment is just right and there aren't too many pigeons overhead, I should be able to get a strong enough wi-fi signal to post from the great outdoors.

Just when you thought you had seen it all...

Thursday, January 19, 2006


Had an extremely long and marginally productive day today, which has left me too tired to post anything groundbreaking. So, courtesy of allthingschristie.com, check out this Family Guy clip, I think it's one of the best running gags they've done on the show so far...


I'll be back with thoughts that aren't copied and pasted tommorrow...

Wednesday, January 18, 2006


While walking around midtown today, I came across a rather dorky looking man, probably in his late-40's, carrying an aluminum briefcase. Like most aluminum briefcase carrying people, he seemed completely oblivious to how ridiculous he looked while carrying it. It made me wonder what could he possibly have that he would need to keep in a metallic case?

The obvious answer is that he had one of two things; a laptop or a nuclear bomb. Now, if it was a laptop this guy was carrying it was utterly foolish because with all the trendy laptop bags out there it just doesn't make sense to be carrying such a visual abomination. Thusly, it's reasonable to conclude that the man was carrying a nuclear bomb. I probably should've said something to someone about that, but I was running a little late for my meeting.

I feel a little guilty about the whole thing so the next time I see a guy with an aluminum briefcase I'm gonna punch him in the face. And if you're a good American, you will do the same.

Completely unrealted, I just put way too much garlic on my pizza. This would not be a good time to kiss me, in case you were thinking about it.

As long as we're on the topic of odors, I just switched back to Right Guard Deoderant after giving Degree For Men a solid couple months. I'd like to say it's good to be back to the gel. I never should've left.

Earlier today, a friend asked me if I've made any money by putting a Paypal button for donations on The Daily Dave. I told her the truth, which is that I've made 37.o3 cents. Yea, that's right, 37.03 cents. Someone actually sent me 37 cents and then someone else sent me .03 cents. At this rate, I could have almost a thousand bucks in a billion years.

I should mention that I did make 47 dollars from Google Ads before I took them down. I just felt that 47 bucks in three months wasn't enough to keep ads on here that can distract you from the site. Oh, me and my nobel desire to do good. When will it ever stop?

(For the record, I never received the 47 bucks from Google because they only pay you for every 50 dollars you make and I opted out right before that.)

I don't know why I felt the need to put that on the record, seeing as everything I write here is on the record by default. I mean this is the record, and a fine record it is.

Speaking of records, I have some old Bill Cosby records that I'd like to listen to, but no record player to hear them on. Maybe I'll trade-in the records for a record player on Craigslist. Then, over a series of years, I'll build up my Cosby collection again. I don't see any other way to do it.

Oh man, that garlic is strong, I can feel it seeping through my pores. I gotta do something about this...

Tuesday, January 17, 2006


I thought that The Count did all the counting on Sesame Street but if this picture, taken directly from the PBS website has any validity at all, then Oscar The Grouch has been doing some counting on the side.

I bring this all up because I was thinking about my previous posting and I think it was nothing more than a 4 out of 10. Usually, I like to think I float around an 8 or 8.5, but the last one was short, disjointed and resorted to a Dan Quayle joke.

My posting tommorrow will be a 9. If it isn't, I'll give you some milk for the cookies in your browser.

My lawyer, the Cookie Monster, thought that'd be a good idea.
Kobe and Shaq finally buried the hatchet before their game in Los Angeles last night. I guess when you make millions of dollars to play a sport for a living you don't hold grudges as long as regular people. It sure makes me wish I had millions of dollars, or played a sport for a living, or could bury the hatchet that I killed that guy who I had a problem with.

(That might need to be re-read to make any sense. Or it might get more confusing after a re-read. You are warned.)

I had tuna for lunch today, as I often do, but I foolishly left the bread in the toaster a bit too long. This resulted in burnt toast that shot a crumb into my eye when I took the first bite. While I was stunned momentarily I was able to finish the meal without having to call the paramedics.

There doesn't seem to be much in the news thats worth writing about today. Where is Dan Quayle when you need him?

I'm pretty sure that's the first Dan Quayle reference in almost 10 years, in any medium, anywhere.

But seriously, where is he? I need some material...

Monday, January 16, 2006

In what will go down as one of the stupidest things ever said in the history of humanity, Geena Davis, after winning the Golden Globe for Best Actress, said of her co-star Donald Sutherland...

"He is the God whose altar I worship."

Only in Hollywood, folks. And thank God for that.*

*By "God", I mean, obviously, George Burns.

Well, the Iran mission was only a half a success. I was able to destroy some uranium enrichment tubes, but they are so scattered across the country that I'm afraid that I'll have to go back in a week or two. I'll keep you posted on that.

After I returned from the mission, I met my mom, my sister and my future sister-in-law at Bloomingdale's. I spent a good three hours in the women's section while hundreds of shop-crazed ladies wandered around like crack-fiends trying to find a fix. Most of my time there was spent sitting on a bench gaurding a pile of clothes as they continued on their hunt for bargains. I sat next to a man who I thought was sleeping, but in hindsight I think he died while waiting for his wife to return.

The quote of the afternoon was by one girl, in her mid-twenties, to a friend. She said, "I was fatter this afternoon", as she yanked a shirt off the rack. I know that many women are weight conscious, but is it really changing on an hourly basis?

Speaking of women whose weight changes on an hourly basis, I'm now watching Joan Rivers on the Golden Globes pre-show on the E! channel.

Yes, I know it's not her weight that changes it's her face, but I just felt the joke and I went with it.

Oh, and I also know that she doesn't even work for the E! channel anymore. She works for the TV Guide channel.

Fine, fine, the whole joke was flawed. Much like Joan's face.

Wow, I really brought that one around. That's the mark of a true professional...

Most of America is off of work today in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Junior. I, however, am going on a secret mission to Iran to sabotage one of their main nuclear reactor sites. If all goes smoothly, I should be able to post something later this afternoon.

I probably shouldn't have posted my secret mission here, but I have faith in our writer/reader relationship. Wish me luck...

Friday, January 13, 2006


Looks like the wi-fi from Starbucks is working and I've even found this fancy 3-D logo to throw in here, now let's see how the writing part goes...

I'm sitting next to a woman who is interviewing another woman to be the nanny to her twin girls. The nanny came here from Jamaica, and in a wonderful twist of fate recently left a family that also had a set of twin girls. Apparently, she left that family because she ate the children in a bizarre cult ritual and that really upset the parents.

Actually, there is nothing bizarre about it, many cults have rituals different from our own more accepted ones. I'm simply not gonna judge that Jamaican child-eating nanny. Not today, not any day.

Okay, okay, for those of your concerned, I did make up the child-eating part, but the nanny interview is really happening. As I type and quasi-listen to their conversation I can't help but feel a bit like a secret CIA operative listening to the "chatter" that Fox News is always telling us about. Let's just hope that the New York Times doesn't reveal my true identity.

No major plans on the docket yet for this weekend except that on Sunday, I'm heading to New Jersey for my cousin Alex's birthday. He'll be turning 15, and for the record, he has yet to beat me in NBA Live.

I'd rather not discuss the Madden '04 results.

On a personal note, I'm going through a strange phase where I seem to be reaffirming some friendships with certain people while at the same time seemingly losing some other friends. I know that we all go through phases like that but I seem to be in the thicket of a big one at the moment. We'll see how it shakes out, but if you're looking to get the Number 4 slot of my friend-list, this is the time to make your move.

I'm not quite sure I used the word "thicket" correctly there. But if it is off, it's just off.

The mother just said to the nanny, "I'm just looking for another one of me." That sounds psychologically healthy.

Okay, I'm gonna post this now because I'm afraid I'll lose the post altogether if I push my luck much longer. Hmm, that makes me think I wouldn't have pushed my luck as far as I always thought I would've if I ever was a contestant on "Press Your Luck."

Isn't it just amazing how life lessons are learned? "No Wammies! No Wammies! AWWWW! I shouldn't have pressed my luck!"

Sersiously though, I gotta go, I don't want to lose little piece of literary brilliance...
Gonna try to post from Starbucks in about an hour from now. I've heard a rumor that Starbucks is somehow blocking free wireless signals, but I'm gonna try to pull off a coffee coup. If it doesn't work I'll post from my my usual spot, otherwise known as my apartment. I know that doesn't sound as exotic as Starbucks, but sometimes I let people in to use the bathroom, so you never know what could happen...

Thursday, January 12, 2006


Turns out that this is my 365th posting to The Daily Dave. Who knew we could make it this far? Well, in honor of that, I've chosen the picture above, from St. Thomas artist, David Hill, to commemorate the occasion. The title of the picture is "Four Seasons of Water." Since I've now written something for each day of the year, thus encompassing each day of every season, and since my body is made of 98% water, that picture is obviously the appropriate choice.


I suppose 365 posts is some sort of accomplishment, though it took me almost three years to get there. That basically equates to a posting about once every three days for those of you who are calendarilly challenged. (Yea, I know "calendarilly" isn't a word, but I'm pretty sure that when you hit 365 posts you get to make up a word.) I'm proud that I started this before anyone really knew what blogging was, and that somehow it has become an important piece of the puzzle that I'm working on. Since about May of '05 I've tried to post pretty much everyday, and I promise to keep on keepin' on as long as the internet remains out of government control. That should buy me another six to eight months.

The lightbulb in my living room blew out this afternoon so I'm sitting here with only the light of a small lamp, while listening to "Chill" on Sirius. Between this mood lighting and the tunes I'm really considering opening a bottle of wine and getting frisky with myself.

Oh yea, something personal...Umm, well, I was in Brooklyn this afternoon. I took the 2 train to get there, and the 3 train to get back.

I can't believe it, but writing the personal stuff really is empowering.

Speaking of empowering, I'm gonna grab that bottle of wine...

Wednesday, January 11, 2006


Every time I see that commercial for Weightwatchers.com, the one where they play "A Song for the Lonely" by Cher, while all the women stare at themselves in the mirror, I feel that I know what it's like to be a fat woman. I know I'm opening myself up for a lot of jokes on this one, but there, I said it.

Lunch with Bob was very productive and the tuna/avocado roll was quite delicious. We discussed life, following the elusive dream, and how Jamba Juice is able to stay busy even during the winter. The Jamba Juice discussion was by far the most profound.

Oh yea, water was my beverage of choice.

I was watching a little "Seinfeld" last night, an older one where they show him doing stand up, and realized how dated that material has become in relatively short time. I wish I could get away with, "What's the deal with airplane food?"

Okay, here's another personal thing that I don't think I've ever told anyone before. I don't know exactly what the Quarterback Passer Rating really means. Take a deep breath if you need to, I know that's pretty big. Not quite as big as when I admitted not knowing what pitching from the stretch was a couple months ago, but it still is pretty big. Anyone want to shed some light on that one for me?

Watched a little more of the Alito hearing earlier today. It seems to me that Ted Kennedy is a parody of a parody of himself.

Alright, I'm gonna get going, I've got a basketball game tonight and I don't want to have weak fingers from typing so much. Without my finger roll, I'm just another sad white guy out there.

In my quest to write something more personal today, I'll have you know that I'm now off to meet comedian Bob Jeurgens at the Time Warner Center. There is a Whole Foods downstairs and I intend on getting either sushi or pizza for lunch. I'll have a full report upon my return, including what my beverage was.

Hold tight...

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

So long bad-attitude retail salesperson...

The picture above (from Gadgetell.com) is of the Zoom Box, which is basically a candy machine for stuff way more expensive than a Snickers Bar. This particular one, which was found in the Las Vegas Hilton Hotel, is stacked with iPod's and PSP's. Don't worry, there is no magnetic arm that you have to fiddle with to pick up a box. Instead you just charge whatever you want to your credit card, and it's yours. No games, and no frustrated kids asking mom and dad for another quarter.

For the record, I always got two quarters. Never less, never more. It helped teach me the value of money. And that my parents don't like giving out quarters.

Siruis has so far been a good purchase. I listen to Stern for about a half hour in the morning and then get some music going throughout the day. So far, channel 35, "Chill", is my favorite. I guess that means I'm pretty chill. Finally.

Had an interesting discussion with a friend yesterday about writing more personal things here on The Daily Dave. Thing is I don't know him too well, so I don't think I could really shed any insight into his personal life.

No, actually, I've been thinking about opening up more, even though I think I do give a certain view into my life through my style and the topics I write about. I'm conflicted about it because there is nothing worse than a blog that becomes a soap-box. Well, a celebrity talking politics is worse, but besides that, I mean. So what do you think? You want more openess or should I keep ya guessing?

Does anyone care about this whole Alito guy that's being nominated for the Supreme Court? I know I should care, but with the war and the rising price of milk, I just don't have room in my brain for this kind of stuff right now.

Here's a quick impression of Phil Jackson coaching. "Shoot, Kobe, Shoot!" I could do that for 10 million a year, too.

Okay, time to do the dishes. Yea, big stars do things just like the little people.

Monday, January 09, 2006


I was just flicking the channels and I foolishly stopped on "Soul Plane". Then, no joke, my cable box suddenly froze-up and now I can't change the channel unless I unplug the TV.

There is no god.

Listening to Howard Stern's first show on Sirius Radio as I write this. I didn't hear this part live, but apparently Howard named George Takei from Star Trek as his new announcer. A gay man, Howard Stern and a stripper all in one room. Only on satellite radio, folks.

The main headline on Drudge Report today is, "Feds Fear Terrorists May Go To Outerspace." Seems to me like that'd be a pretty good place for them to go, but maybe I'm missing something.

Oh no, Howard is trying to find out about George Takei's first sexual experience in the Boy Scouts. Maybe complete freedom isn't really a good idea.

I finally got to see "King Kong" the other night. Overall, it was a pretty good movie, though it easily could've dropped 45 minutes and not lost anything. One thing I'd like to know is how they got Kong back to NYC, when few minutes before they were throwing pots and pans over the boat because it was too heavy. That's the thing about me, I can accept a giant gorilla fighting dinosaurs in a secret land-before-time, but I just have a hard time accepting boat-weight issues.

Back to Stern for a second. In case you were wondering, George Takei no longer does anal.

In world news, five more people were infected with bird flu in Turkey. Coincidenally, five more people were infected with turkey flu in Bird.

I'm gonna finish up listening to Stern and I'll check in later. I have a feeling that they're about to delve into Nichelle Nichols' sex life...

Friday, January 06, 2006


Pat Robertson is an idiot.

I know that's not really controversial, or even new, but I think it's always warranted to say. This time he is telling people that the reason that Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon suffered a stroke is because Sharon gave Gaza to the Palestinians. Now, I haven't spoken to God directly lately, but last time we chatted he told me that he doesn't deal directly in the affairs of humans. Then he threw a pair of dice which came up on a three and a two. Next thing I knew Hurricane Katrina hit.

Yea, that doesn't make much sense. But the point is that I don't know how the universe works, and either does Mr. Robertson.

Oh, that reminds me, God, if you're reading this can you help me out with the Nets-Magic game tonight? I've got the Nets by 7, and I know you're all about fixing sports games.

In case you're wondering I did end up going with fajitas last night. Steak instead of chicken. Yea, things are pretty good these days.

So my new years resolution of not watching TV shows that annoy me is going quit well. I almost stopped on "Dancing with the Stars 2" last night, but I was able to pull out at the last second. Really, there a better, safer method than pulling out?

It's my grandma's 85th birthday on Saturday. I've been racking my brain trying to think of something to get her. Right now it's a toss up between X-Box 360 or a nice scarf. Argh, decisions, decisions.

Watching Howard Stern on Larry King Live from last night. DVR is really a great thing. I'll have some thought about the interview in my next post. I will say now however, that Larry King's suspenders are quite insane.

Actually, I'm gonna get going because this interview is pretty interesting AND I can fast forward through commercials. Who said dreams can't come true?

Thursday, January 05, 2006

I'm so impressed that we were able to get that video up that I'm treating myself to a little Mexcian Food tonight. What will I order? Tacos? Burritos? Enchildas? Perhaps I'll have one of each.

Nah, it's gonna be fajitas. I just love those sizzling plates...

I'm not sure if this is gonna work, but if you see this then I guess it did. Click play on the video above, it's a little 3 minute clip that I send to people when they want to see my wide array of talents.

Don't worry, the video is appropriate for work. My XXX clip is only sent out via regular mail.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006


I can't really think of anything to write at the moment but I did promise to come back today, so here I am. Hmm, ummm, so how are you doing? How's the family? Did you ever get that thing you wanted? I sure hope so.

I hope you're enjoying the black picture there, which represents the nothingness going on in my head at the moment. It's not bad, really. I'm not depressed or anything. If anything, I'm feeling particularly good at the moment, just not with much to write about.

Oh, I can tell you what I ate today. I had Berry Blast Cheerois for breakfast, some leftover pasta for lunch and a turkey sandwich for dinner. I probably should've switched the pasta and turkey, but someone told me you shouldn't eat pasta late in the day, and I do whatever someone tells me.

Hmm, in other news I'm watching "Titanic" on HBO right now, fortunately with the mute button on. Those moron orchestra guys are still playing while the ship is sinking. They must've made mad cash on cruise gigs back then.

Whoa, suddenly this is turning into an actual post. Let's see, what else? Well, I just had a glass of iced tea, so now I have an empty glass next to my computer. I probably should take it off the desk so it doesn't leave a mark, but since there is no liquid in the glass I'm just not gonna worry about it right now.

I forgot Kathy Bates was in Titanic. Remember that nude scene she did in that movie with Jack Nicholson? I can't remember the name of the movie, but I have her ass engrained in my head forever.

Oh, I just found a 15% off coupon if you spend 125 bucks at Banana Republic. Anyone want it?

It's getting about that time where I need to cut my toes nails. I might push it for another day or two, but defintely not after that.

Alright, that's it. This whole post has been taxing beyond human imagination.

Or has it?

I'd like to apologize for the sporadic posting since I've been back from Texas. The thing is, I've become hopelessly addicted to Berry Blast Cheerios. All I can do is eat them, think about eating them, and plan on getting a new box of them. As a matter of fact, I'm eating some right now. I'm gonna head out and get some more now but I'll have a lengthier posting upon my return...

Monday, January 02, 2006


Tried to see King Kong tonight. See that grumpy face that Kong is making in that picture? It's the same one I made when I got there only to find out that the movie was sold out. Damn people with their need to get out of the house.

So New Year's Eve was a ton of fun. Went to a hyper-trendy party at a hyper-trendy hotel in the Meatpacking District. Drank at a hyper-speed pace which then led to January 1st going hyper-slow and hugely hungover. Good times, indeed.

Oh, I forgot to tell you my resolution. I'm no longer going to visit websites or watch TV shows purely because they drive me insane. That might not sound like much but it is for me. I'm just hoping that none of you folks have a similiar resolution.

That resolution didn't include me getting angry when I saw that not only King Kong was sold out, but also all remaining showings of Cheaper By The Dozen 2. It also doesn't include me watching or visiting the Fox News website. I do that purely for comedic purposes.

On a personal note, I'm wearing a new pair of sweatpants right now. No underwear.

As long as I'm getting personal, I should also tell you that I purchased a humidifer over the weekend. My nasal passages haven't been this open since I was in the womb.

Speaking of personal, my cousin Adam, who is a personm, and also one of the founders of Gadgetell (which I conveniently link to on the right), is currently en route to the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. The CES is where all the tech companies show off what the fancy electronic gadgets of tommorrow are. I've asked him to pick me up a Playstation 4. Yes, that's right a PS4. I'm skipping the PS3 altogether. Sort of like how Bill Cosby skipped the first five movies before making "Leonard Part 6."

Hmm, I wonder if Leonard Part 6 is on In-Demand. Gotta go...