The Never Ending Story

I have to say what a sign of the times my 32nd birthday was. Allow me to break it down...

About 40 Facebook "wall" posts or messages.

Roughly 20 MySpace messages.

13 regular e-mails.

7 comments here on Rubinville.

5 phone calls.

3 e-cards.

1 regular card mailed via the US Postal Service.

1 gift from my Amazon Wish List (Thank you Barry).

1 cupcake party via the great Here! staff.

If that doesn't all add up to a 2008 birthday, I don't know what does. And I wanna thank all of you who took the 5-10 seconds out of your day to make mine a little brighter!

I also wanna thank Andy, who drew that awesome picture of me riding Falcor. If you didn't immediately recognized the animal I am riding as Falcor you MUST go out and rent Never Ending Story right this very moment.

And please no "animal I am riding jokes" unless they are very clever.

Alright, gotta hit the gym and work off the big birthday dinner. Maybe I'll check in later...

Happy Birthday Young Fella!

Guess what I have in common with this smiley fella? No, it's not the 22 MILLION dollar salary that he is making this year. Nor is it the tight pants he puts on everyday to go to work. It is, in fact, that we share the same birthday, tomorrow, June 26th.

Or today, June 26th, depending on when you ready this.

Actually, it could be two days ago, June 26th.

Or even three days ago, June 26th.

Or a week ago, June 26th.

No, no, that's just silly, even the most casual fan comes here once a week.

That is all...

NY Press

There was a nice article written about me in this week's NY Press. But don't listen to me, see for yourself...

http://www.nypress.com/21/26/abouttown/comedy.cfm

Please Hold the Mayo

Heinz has just yanked this ad after some right-wing nutjobs protested it over in England. Of course, even though the ad never ran here in America, Bill O'Rielly yammered on about it this week as well.

Prepare yourself for outrage and shock...

Goodbye, George

I just woke up to hear that comedy legend George Carlin has died of heart failure. Carlin was arguably the most prolific comedian the world has ever seen, and I doubt we'll ever see another comedian more dedicated to the art of stand-up. His stuff on religion, the 7 dirty words, and government was all brilliant and ground-breaking.

Most recently, I saw George on The View talking about his path in life and how the journey made him a better person. It was inspiring stuff and he confirmed many of the things that I think about all the time.

When I was an intern at The Daily Show back in 1999, George was a guest on the show, and I met him for a brief moment. There was a real humbleness in him that I have never forgot.

In honor of you George, here are the 7 dirty words centered and in boldface...

Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker and Tits

No News is Good News

I just went through my usual online news sources to find something to write about only to see that today is an incredibly slow news day. There's the usual Obama-McCain BS, and some stories about the price of oil, but that's about it. Since legally I can't post about The Golden Girls again, this is gonna be rough.

Hmm. Oh, you can check out the new episode of Topical...

http://www.heretv.com/APodcastDetailPage.php?id=33

Lemme hit the gym maybe an idea will hit me while running...

Thank You For Being A Friend

Get ready for the third straight day of Golden Girls talk.

Ready?

You sure?

Ok, here we go.

I was able to track down the clip of the ladies from the TV Land Awards. I'm not sure exactly what the TV Lands Awards are, but it was kind of disappointing that the ladies only got to speak for like 30 seconds. While you all know I have a special place for Bea in my heart, it was clearly Betty who get the biggest laugh. Enjoy...

The Great Herring War

And now the story about me, Martha Stewart and Betty White. I know that most people go to websites like TMZ.com for hot Hollywood dish, but once in awhile I open up the salacious vault here at Rubinville. Here we go...

A couple years back, I was a production assistant on Martha. For those that don't watch, that is Martha Stewart's daytime show, not Mothra who fought Godzilla. Anyway, one day Betty White was a guest on the show and the crowd was abuzz. The producers decided to do a little Q&A with Betty, so before the show began they were asking people if they had any questions that they'd like to ask her. Most of the women were asking boring questions like, "What's your favorite cookie?" and "Do you like to bake?", so I knew I had to step in.

I went over to a producer and said that someone should ask Betty what her favorite St. Olaf story was. The producer loved the idea, but clearly I couldn't ask Betty the question as an employee of the show.

(Stop reading here if you believe in the magic of television. You are warned.)

It was agreed amongst the producers that someone would be planted in the crowd to ask the question. It was highly immoral and dubious, but it was done nonetheless. Here, for the first time, is the clip that Betty White referred to when asked my question by the planted audience member...

I don't know how I missed this, but the Golden Girls were honored at last weeks TV Land Awards. (Hmm, actually I must've missed it because it was on TV Land, but I digress.) The three mobile GG's showed up and it is just great seeing them.

That reminds me that I don't think I've ever told you of the true story involving Betty White, Martha Stewart and myself. I'll tell ya tomorrow.

While Tim Russert dying is clearly sad, he was a man who lived the life he wanted, followed his dreams, and died doing what he loved to do. There's a lesson in there somewhere.

And speaking of that lesson, excuse me, Golden Girls is on...

This Waffle's for You

A Belgian company is about to seal the deal to buy Anheuser-Busch brewing company. If the deal goes through it will leave a country best known for its waffles owning America's largest brewery. It seems that it's time to get used to waffle-flavored beer and beer flavored-waffles.

Somehow that seems better than waffle-flavored pancakes and pancake-flavored beer. Is that just because I'm a cock-eyed optimist?

(No cock-eyed jokes please.)

The Lakers had the biggest collapse in the NBA Finals since 1971 last night. My 7 game prediction is going down faster than...than...hmm...I think I'll leave that one to you guys.

Power temporarily went out in the White House this morning which left the building operating on backup power for a few minutes. Fortunately, President Bush's brain wasn't affected, as it is powered by two AA batteries.

There's a new episodes of my new podcast Topical is up. Check it out at...

http://www.heretv.com/APodcastDetailPage.php?id=33

Have a good, and not too sweaty weekend...

My Shameful Secret

I promised a "tonight" post, and here it is, with 12 minutes to spare.

I have a shameful secret.

I have never seen The Godfather.

There, I said it.

Can we still be friends?

As mentioned, I'll be rolling out a couple new projects over the next few weeks/months. The first is my new podcast, Topical. It's a weekly show that will have me discussing current events with some of my comic pals. The first two episodes are up, and you can listen in, or subscribe here...

http://www.heretv.com/APodcastDetailPage.php?id=33

More tonight...

Feelin' Hot, Hot, Hot

It's so hot out there.

How how is it?

Too hot to blog.

Full post tomorrow.

Alright, nice and early today, here is the strangest combination reviews ever written in one piece.

Seinfeld was absolutely brilliant. I've been on shows a couple times that he just stopped in and did a set, but to see him in front of a couple thousand people, being totally masterful, was just amazing. With all this other good stuff I have going on lately, I've been needing an inspiration as far as stand-up, and he totally delivered. Every word, pause and inflection in his voice has pinpoint precision. He also did much more personal stuff than usual, talking about being a husband and father. I left the show knowing I have much work to do.

Sex and the City was one an quite a New York experience. We went opening night and the line was literally out of the theater with throng of girls dressed like prostitutes. Now, I admit that I once wore a Darth Vader costume to a Star Wars premiere, but somehow that seems less weird to me than all these girls pretending to be hookers to see a movie. As for the movie written by gay guys all about straight girls, it had its moments though I'm sure it broke up several thousand perfectly good relationships that night.

Oh, and the slut, whatever her name is, is the best character.

The NBA Finals begin tonight and I'm going with the Lakers in 7 games. I'll also predict that he is gonna hit a game winning jumper in game 7, much like Michael Jordan in 1998 against Utah.

Indiana Jones and The Unnecessary Special Effects, was just that. The movie felt old and tired, which they tried to makeup for by adding CGI animation and aliens that Speilberg just plucked out of any of his other movies. Harrison Ford was absolutely exhausted at times, and since when is Indy just a grumpy bastard? Oh, and the scene and when they all fell into the waterfall and then came out completely dry? C'mon people, they couldn't have all been wearing Dockers!

I should also say something about Obama, Hillary and the Quest for a Vice-President. Basically, I think there is no chance in hell that he will offer her the VP spot because he'd worry that she would constantly be undermining him. You know, much like how Starscream was always trying to usurp Megatron's power and become the new leader of the Decepticons.

Ya, see if anyone on CNN has that kind of insight. Take that Anderson Cooper!

Tomorrow, Again

I know I said that I'd write my Seinfeld/NBA Finals/Sex and the City/Indiana Jones review today, but I've been running around like a a madman.

Tomorrow, if you can find it in your heart to trust me and make it all the way back here...

What's Love Got To Do With It?

Just watched Hillary kinda, sorta accept that Obama will be the Democratic nominee for president. She actually gave a pretty brilliant speech and it felt genuine and decent. Of course, as I flick between all the cable channels right now they are all sucking up to her, which is ironic because they have all blown Barack for the last six months. (And I say this as a Barack supporter.)

The Tina Turner picture, in case you weren't watching, is because they played, You're Simply the Best as she ended her speech. I don't think that I've ever mentioned this before on Rubinville, but I love Tina Turner. The surprises never end with me, do they?

As per commenter Hollback, tomorrow I will discuss Sex and the City, Indiana Jones, Seinfeld
and The NBA Finals. If that isn't the most conflicting blog ever, well, then I haven't heard of it...

I'm heading to see Jerry Seinfeld do stand-up tonight at Madison Square Garden. This will be a rare time of me seeing stand-up and not performing, so I'm really looking forward to it. Do they still have a two-drink minimum for these things?

Seeing Sex and the City on opening night in Manhattan was truly an event. I haven't seen 400 women in one room all dressed like hookers, well, ever. Really amazing stuff.

The NBA Finals are all set, with Lakers v. Celtics for the first time since 1987. The Sega Genesis game Lakers v. Celtics was the first sports video game that really loved and if not for that game I would've spent much more time outdoors in 1991. Like most good things, it was a blessing and a curse.

The last two primaries are tomorrow and then Hillary can go out to pasture. With all the campaigning Bill has done for her it seems like he deserves a good BJ after this. I wonder who he'll get it from.

Alright, gotta get dressed for the show and I don't wanna look like a comedian. Hmm, where is my electric bow-tie?

Just another night walking around in the East Village. More this afternoon...