In an ironic twist, The Daily Dave had it's most hits ever yesterday, on a rare weekday that I was unable to post. While I'm sure that there is some profound meaning to that, it made me want to thank some of the people who keep me wanting to write this. These are people who consistently, or pretty consistently, comment on my crazyness, and thus, give me a little more fuel to keep posting. Most of them I have never met, and some of them maybe not even exist. However, all of them are the characters in my own personal Springfield, and when I hit it big one day, I'll be sure to send them each a five dollar check.

So, they are, in no particular order...

Cinders, yb, Sherman, the Real Sherman, Lyndon, Brooke, Ed D, Andrew, Ari, Anonymous Angry Guy, Jen and Skeltor.

Yes, Anonymous Angry Guy only posted one thing, and it was rather hostile, but it taught me that my words alone can effect insane people, which is pretty cool. Skeletor also only posted once as well, but considering his busy schedule I thought a shout-out is appropriate.

Anyway, if I forgot anyone I apologize, but feel free to vent your hostility in the comments section. And to the people I listed, thanks for pushing me to keep doing this, because after the nuclear war of 2015, this'll be the only thing for the remaining mutants to remember me by.

Seriously though, thanks.

"So what's the deal with those metal wheels that they put in our cages? Am I right? Is this thing on? Please tip your waitress and don't forget there is a two sunflower seed minimum."

Okay, now onto the only gerbil story ever told not involving Richard Gere...

Chippy, who was my first pet, was purchased when I was in first grade, all the way back in 1982. (No, that's not him pictured above, Chippy had major stage-fright.) Chippy was a great gerbil and against my mom's wishes I would often take him out of his cage and let him run around my room. If it was warm enough outside I'd put him in one of those plastic spheres and let him run around on freshly-cut grass. I even took him into class for show-and-tell.

About four years after I got Chippy, my brother got two gerbils which we kept in a cage right next to Chippy's. You can't mix gerbils from other families, so often Chippy and the other two would often just glare at each other from the corner of their cages. Then, without warning, one day one of my brother's gerbils had six babies. We all considered that rather odd since we thought they were both males, which also led my dad to having a very awkward conversation with my brother and I. Anyway, soon there were eight full grown gerbils in one cage, and Chippy in the other.

At that point in his life Chippy was no longer a youngster, and had put on a bit of weight. In contrast, the other gerbils were all young and viril. One day, I came home from school and could hear high-pitched squeeking coming from my room. I went in and glanced in horror at Chippy's cage to see blood all over it. Somehow three of the younger gerbils had made it into Chippy's cage and were basically eating him alive.

I pounced on them to help my old friend. By the time I threw them all into their cage, Chippy was badly beaten. His left eye was bloodied and he had bite marks all over his body. I tried to clean him off with some water, but it hurt him too much to stay still.

Chippy died a few months later which was probably best because he was never the same after that day. We buried him in the backyard on a somber, rainy day. I cried like a six year old that day. Sure, I was ten at the time, but that's just how much Chippy meant to me.

You may be wondering how the gerbils got into Chippy's cage on that fateful day. It turned out that for some reason, the psychotic cleaning-lady that came to our house once a week decided to mix-and-match the gerbils. I don't know why she did it, but that crazy bitch killed my gerbil. We never brought her back to clean, which was fine with my mom. I know that because whenever she would tell this story to her friends she would end it by saying, "She never cleaned the toilets, anyway."

So, now you know the story of how Chippy died, and an how a poor immigrant woman lost her job. Chippy, tonight I am going to make my sheets and blankets into a big nest, just like you used sleep in. I know that's not different than I would normally do, but tonight it's for you, pal. You are missed.

The audition that I can't really tell you about went pretty damn good today. Everytime I'm at an audition I think of the movie "A Chorus Line", and envision Michael Douglas yelling at me while I have to sing and dance to my life story. Fortunately, he wasn't there today.

Anyway, I felt like I really rocked it, so we'll see.

Okay, that's it for industry words like "audition" and "sing" and "fortunately."

There's a Total Solar Esclipse happening tommorrow, I say forget what the scientists say and go out and stare for awhile, just to see what happens.

Actually, I remember being in third grade and my teacher telling us about how we'd be blinded if we looked at an esclipse and my first thought was fearing that my gerbil Chippy might look at it and loose his vision. In retrospect, my fears made no sense because Chippy was an indoor gerbil.

Little did I know that Chippy would die a much more horrific death barely a year later. That's not a joke, but frankly, I don't know if I can tell the full story just yet. There's a moratorium of 25 years on gerbil death's, right?

Ah, screw it, I'll tell the whole story tommorrow...

I just watched the Nets crush the Phoenix Suns 110-72. I've been telling people in my circles all season long that the Nets will win the East, and tonight was another push in that direction. Yes, I travel exclusively incircles due to an accident I had in elementary school which rendered me incable of making left turns.

I mention the Nets' win because Cliff Robinson, the oldest player in the league, in his 17th season, hit a couple shots as he always does. Cliff was originally drafted by the Portland Trailblazers in 1989 and quickly became one of my favorite players. Now, 17 years later, he remains the last link to the professional sports of my childhood. When I watch Cliff play it takes me back to 1990, sitting with my brother watching the Blazers play the Pistons in the NBA Finals. Or back to 1991, playing Lakers v. Celtics on Sega Genesis and having my brother choke me with the controller wire if I started beating him by too much. Yea, those were the good old days. Anyway, the point is, that when Cliff retires, most likely in a year or two, basketball will never be the same for me.

So, on a night when the Nets win by 38, and Cliff plays well, I gotta give the old man a shout-out.

I had a great weekend which included being invited to two dinner parties, hangin with my brother and sister-in-law-to-be at a bar, and meeting my sister for lunch at Whole Foods. Yea, we ate at Whole Foods, whatcha gonna do about it? She had pizza and I had sushi. Good for us.

Okay, that's it for now cuz I have a big audition tommorrow and I should probably be reviewing some materials. I'd tell you what the audition was for but that would probably jinx it. Come to think of it, just telling you that I had an audition at all probably jinxed it already.

That's just great. Now I'll probably break my leg tomorrow. And not in the good way...

I'm sure you've seen the commercials for Larry the Cable Guy's new movie, "Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector."

I don't know much about the guy but I'm pretty sure his first movie should've been, "Larry the Cable Guy: The Cable Guy."

Okay, I've gotta get going. We're finishing up the post-production of my new movie, "Dave The Video Game Salesman: Taxidermist."

The comments section got quite fiery for my last post, so I think it'd be a good idea to settle things down with the always calm, cool-headed and motherly Claire Huxtable. Why Claire, you ask? Well, she came in at number four in this installment of the Top Ten Search Phrases people use to come to The Daily Dave. Here's the full list...

1. Kira Phillips
2. Kyra Phillips
3. Dave Rubin
4. Claire Huxtable
5. Cobra Commander Interview
6. Dave Rubin
7. Horse Vagina
8. Daryn Kagin
9. Ahmad Rashaad
10. Hot Newscasters

My first thought on this list is wondering whether the people that searched for "Clair Huxtable" were actually meaning to search for "Phylicia Rashaad" and just couldn't remember her real name. Interestingly, her ex-husband Ahmad Rashaad, also made it on the list. Too bad those two kids couldn't have worked things out.

For a second there you thought that Claire and Heathcliff Huxtable got divorced didn't you? Don't worry, I almost confused myself into thinking it too.

Kira/Kyra Phillips continues to stay atop of this highly competitive group. If you haven't seen her yet, she's CNN's daytime anchor, and dare I say, she's the female Anderson Cooper. People always love comparisons like that. Kira Phillips is the female Anderson Cooper...Larry Bird is the white Magic Johnson... Dave Rubin is the funny Jay Leno.

It was nice to see the Cobra Commander Interview crack the top ten. I'm not sure if people were searching specifically for my interview with him, though it's the only one I know of, and certainly is the first one. If you haven't listened to it yet, that's too bad because it seems to have dissapeared off the site. I should talk to someone about that.

In NYC news, the city officially unvieled public toilets today. 25 cents will buy you 15 minutes in there, which makes it by far the best bargain in New York. At minute 12 there is some sort of warning that your time is almost up, and at 15 minutes the doors will just pop open. I have a feeling there will be several scandals involving these toilets, with at least two of them involving Paris Hilton blowing someone for cocaine when the doors open up.

No, I don't have any insider info that Paris does coke, but I can just tell that these bathroom are gonna make people do crazy things.

Yes, I could've come up with someone more interesting than Paris for that, but she hasn't been in the news in the last two days and I'm starting to freak.

Okay, that's it for now, just remember to clean your horse vagina before you go to bed.

That came out wrong. To clarify, I mean that only if you have a female horse that needs it's vagina cleaned. Not simply if you are a woman with a large vagina. If that's the case, what you do with it is your business...

I forgot to tell you the good deed that I did the other day while I was in Jersey. While watching TV with my buddy Jon, I noticed that his HDTV really looked like crap. Subtely, I checked out the wires (as to not offend his TV-hookup sensibilities), and noticed that he had his HD cable box hooked to the TV with basic Red-White-Yellow wires. Oh, the horror!

I emphatically told him that he hasn't been watching HDTV for the year that he's had the TV and that he should switch to component cables. He grabbed some out of the closet - everyone has extra componoent cables these days - and we hooked them up. Next thing you know we were watching Spanglish in HD. The picture immediately went from crap to sharp, crisp and colorful. And as if that wasn't a great enough miracle, the movie was surprisingly good. For a moment, I even forgot that Adam Sandler was the same guy that was in "Billy Madison."

If that somehow came out as if I didn't like Billy Madison, I didn't mean it that way. I'd put Billy Madison as my number one Sandler movie, actually. Shampoo is better...No, conditioner is better...

Have any of you paid attention to some of the comments that Charlie Sheen made about a 9/11 conspiracy? Call me crazy, but I think he might be onto something. If you haven't read his comments, check them out here...

http://www.prisonplanet.com/articles/march2006/200306charliesheen.htm

No, I will not be watching "Two and a Half Men" just because of this. But I might watch "Hot Shots!" next time it's on HBO2.

Speaking of Charlie Sheen, he's in the upcoming "Scary Movie 4", which also stars Leslie Nielson in what looks like a hilarious spoof of Mr. Bush reading to the kids during the 9/11 attacks. You can check that out online if you visit the Scary Movie website, but I'm not gonna link you to that because I can't be doing all the work here, that's just not fair.

Now get to work.

Really, I mean that. You are at work right now and I'm sure there's something you should be doing. Or at least pretending to do...

For those of you who didn't catch me on the Joey Reynolds Show last night, (or more specifically, those of you who don't suffer from severely crippling insomnia), I was a guest along with a Nobel Prize nominated economist who has made hundreds of millions of dollars in the stock market. That left us roughly hundreds of millions of dollars away from each other in the personal finance department.

I haven't been so close to someone with that much money since The Disney Afternoon.

Yes, that's right, I used to watch The Disney Afternoon with the Prince of Monaco.

Moving along, Mr. Bush has been giving lots of speeches telling us how great things are in Iraq. As I've noted before I'm torn between my mistrust of the government versus my mistrust of the media. You'd think two such strong mistrusts would equal one solid trust, but somehow it doesn't work out that way.

Speaking of mistrust, The Daily Dave has had hits from HBO, NBC, Fox, and two huge advertising agencies in the last few days. Yet despite this fact, I still have no deal. What's the deal with that? Or I should say what's that no deal with that?

I did a little face-time at some hipster comedy show last night. From what I observed, hipsters are just pot-heads that pretend to shop at cool places but really just get all their stuff at Urban Outfitters.

There's something I really don't like about the hipster crowd, which is rather ironic because I'm so pro-nerd.

Come to think of it, if I ever run for some kind of office, that's gonna be part the platform I run on. Dave Rubin: Anti-Hipster and Pro-Nerd. Then, once I'm elected, I'll use my power to send the hipsters to France where they belong.

Vote Rubin in 2008 and say au revoir to those dirty hipsters...

I forgot to mention that I'll be doing the Joey Reynolds Radio Show tonight at 2 a.m. Check your local listings or listen live at http://www.wor710.com/listen.shtml

Like you have anything better to do at 2 a.m.

We're back in business, folks!!!

I don't like using three exclamation points often, but I think the triumphant return of pictures as well as my inspiation is a valid reason to go with them!!!

Oh, its good to be back!!!

Writing again!!!

Thinking again!!!

I'm alive again!!!

This is getting a little annoying, I'm gonna move on!!!

So, the picture above is of the robot that I mentioned last week that the Japanese have developed to help out old people. Why do we always make robots look so roboty?

I'd like to give mad-props to HP for picking up and delivering my computer back to me within four days. Not only are my ports working, but somehow the computer seems to be faster than ever. That might be because I've been using that Celeron-based laptop for a couple days, but I'm not totally sure. It's all relative, that's my point.

On Friday, I went to the Nets-Lakers game in Jersey and then spent the day hanging with a long-time buddy of mine. (We're talking going back to four years old. That's a quarter of a century, for those of you who are counting.) After almost 24 hours in Jersey, I want to say that I think that the place really gets a bum rap. It smelled fine, and I only got into on mafia-related shooting.

Being at the Nets game made me think about different my life might be if I would've followed my dream of being an NBA player instead of settling for being a comedian. I guess there's no use in crying over spilled milk, but if I had made it to the NBA my career numbers would look something like this..

PPG: 16.5
REB: 4.2
AST: 5.4

I won't discuss my defensive-prowess here, instead I'll leave that for any of you who have played ball with me to discuss in the comment section.

Okay, that's it for today, but I promise lots of good posts this week. Yes, yes, I did promise a posting on Friday and then didn't show, but frankly you can't stop me from making promises that I may or may not keep. And therein lies the beauty of our relationship...

Okay, I received an e-mail from the good people at Blogger saying they know about the picture problem. It seems to only be for people who host the blog on their site, as I do with Rubinville, and not for people that have sites like ittakesareallylongtimetotypeoutmywebsiteadress.blogspot.com. They're currently working on resolving the problem, but until then the waiting game continues.

My laptop was picked up by Fedex today, so I'm using the Celeron-based laptop that I mentioned the yesterday. Basically, if I try open any other progam while surfing the internet the computer will freeze for an undetermined amount of time. Then, I have to either restart it, or put it in the microwave to thaw out. I don't even like making popcorn in the microwave, so let's hope it doesn't get to that point.

That's it for now. I know it's been a slow week but I'll make it up to you tommorrow, picture or no picture.

***DAILY DAVE EMERGENY UPDATE***

An e-mail has been sent to Blogger about the picture problem.

***END COMMUNICATION***

Well, gosh darnit, I still can't seem to get pictures to load. Maybe it's me, maybe it's Blogger, maybe it's the Democrats. Regardless, I'm slightly-to-moderately frustrated.

Actually, I think that somehow it might be the computer itself because the USB ports still aren't working. I've finally thrown in the towel and will be shipping my notebook back to HP tommorrow. Fear not though, I will still post, though it will be from an old Celeron based laptop, which means I could probably post via smoke signals and it would be more efficient.

Take that you Celeron-owning mother-fletchers!

Speaking of out-of-date technology, Japan has just introduced a robot to help elderly people. Can it possibly be a good idea to mix these two? My grandma can't use the VCR without shorting out the next door neighbor's pace-maker.

You're right, that doesn't make sense at all, but that's just how crazy this whole robot taking care of old people is.

I'll try to write more later, but this picture situation somehow seems to take away from the fun of posting. Amazing that one picture could suck the fun out of me, yet here we are...

Blogger doesn't seem to be letting pictures load today, and my feelings about picture-less postings are well-known. I'll try a few more times, but in the meantime check out the comments section from yesterday's post. Seems like someone doesn't like me very much. How will I ever go on?

(Note to the person who doesn't like me: You left way too many clues as to who you are in your little note. Even Mr. Magoo could've solved this one.)

I think that we were all equally shocked that Uncle Junior shot Tony in the season premiere of "The Sopanos" last night. More shocking, however, is that I have uncovered a conspiracy so deep it will shake the very foundation of the entertainment industry.

Uncle Junior, who everyone thinks is played by actor Dominic Chianese, is actually played by Larry David of twenty years from now, whom the producers bring back by time-machine just for this one part.

That's how HBO keep their budget's tight. By time-machine crossovers.

I'll be back later, I've gotta pick something up from Grandma's. Hopefully she won't go all Uncle Jun...err, Larry David on me...

Yea, a picture does say a thousand words. This one, which is amazingly not Photoshopped, is from U.S. Labor Department's 2006 National Summit on Retirement Savings. Take a hint, Dick.

President Bush said earlier today that he is concerned about the "broader message" that the US stopping the ports deal with the company from the United Arab Emirates will send to the Arab world. A few moments later he added, "If we have to, we'll invade the United Arab Emirates, just to show them how much we care."

I did a show on Wednesday night that I expected be be in front of about 200 people and it turned out to be in front of about 20 people. I'm a professional though, and thusly gave my full 42 percent. The results showed it.

Actually, I really enjoyed the show even though it was smaller than anticipated. There's something about a small crowd that I find very freeing and honest. It's probably also why I've always been better at threesomes than larger Greco-Roman style orgies.

According to NY1 News, it's 68 degrees outside, which means I really should be running in the park instead of sitting here. Actually the little scrolling thing on the bottom just said, "Dave go run in the park, you can blog later."

You just can't argue with a scrolling news thingy...

Microsoft's new mini-kinda-sorta-computer, Origami, was officially announced today. Unfortunately, I just realized that I already used the "it also turns into a peacock" joke earlier in the week. I'll be damned.

My all-time favorite episode of The Simpsons is on right now. It's when Homer eats the Guatemalean Insanity Peppers and then trips out on them. The episode captures truly everything that The Simpsons is about and does it it with insight, humor and mind-bending drugs. Is there really anything better than that?

No. And so I'll end this short post on that.

Oh, Barry, Barry, Barry, did you really think you were going to get away with it?

A new book has come out with all kinds of accusations and evidence claiming that Barry Bonds has been using steroids for years. I've always tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, despite his exponentially growing head, but now there's just no way I'm going to be able to vote for him to get into the Hall of Fame.

Luckily for him baseball writers vote for the Hall of Fame, and not comedians, so he might still have a chance.

I sense some sort of reality show coming out of all of this. Maybe they'll put Bonds, along with Sammy Sosa, Mark McGuire and Rafael Palmiero on an island somewhere and see who loses the most body mass while not taking the juice.

Yes, I could've made a shrinking penis joke there, but I chose not to. Trust me, it wasn't easy.

Speaking of shrinking, it was nice to see Lilly Tomlin on the Oscar's the other night. I've liked her since I was a kid when I saw her in "The Incredible Shrinking Woman." Charles Grodin was in that too, another person I've always liked. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure I was the only person who watched his short-lived talk show besides the producer who was always laughing in the background.

Anyone else ever get so short on money that you check the "Adult" want ads in Craigslist? I'm not sure what anyone would pay me for, but it seems that foot worship is very in these days.

Damn my basketball playing calloused feet. I've always known my mad hoops skills would come back to haunt me one day. Now you'll have to exuse me, I'm gonna go soak my feet in nice a Epsom Salt bath...

Tell me this isn't one of the coolest thing you've ever seen...

I love stand-up comedy. For over seven years I have given everything that I have to getting better at it, while at the same time learning about myself and this crazy "industry." I put the word "industry" in quotes there, because I always hearing people talk about the industry, but I never actually come across people from it. For all I know they are talking about the steel industry or the fiber-optics industry. Anyway, the chance of being seen by "industry" and the words of several of you sent me to the "Last Comic Standing" open call today.

From what I read, it began at 10 a.m., so I showed at about 8:30. Immediately, I saw a huge line of people, actually wrapping around the block, but very few people I knew. About 40 people into the line, I saw a friend of mine so I walked over. She told me she'd been there since 10 p.m. the night before. We started talking and I hung with her for about and hour and a half.

Right around 10 o'clock, some people behind me began yelling about the "line cutters." At that point, and seeing as the line looked more like it was full of people waiting for a soup kitchen than anything worthwhile, I decided to leave. Yea, I guess I could've gone all the way to the back and spent the day standing out there freezing my ass off, but I still do have some self-respect.

You know, they always say, "You have to want it more than anything." Well, I do, except for more than my sense of happiness and my ability to look myself in the mirror.

So, I guess we're back here, writing, performing and hoping. It could be worse, I could still be standing on line, suffering from hypothermia and having to huddle up with comic-nobodies* for warmth.

Trust me, that's a lot worse...

*I'm sure they are all wonderful people, each on their own personal voyage, and I wish them all the best of luck. That being said, someone standing near me smelled like shit.

Thanks to the various comments telling me to do it, I will be one of the hapless morons on line at Caroline's tommorrow for the "Last Comic Standing" open call. It starts at 10 a.m., and I plan on going at about 8:30. I think I'll punch someone by 9:15, cut someone by 9:45 and be in jail by the time they start letting people in. Wish me luck.

I'd say that overall the Oscar's were rather non-descript. Nothing great, nothing too bad. Jon Stewart did a nice job, especially after shaking the nerves of the first few minutes. I watched the show in HD, which reconfirmed my belief that everyone in Hollywood has faces that are too tan and teeth that are too white. That is, except for Morgan Freeman. He could use a little more bronzing.

That's it for now, I have a feeling that tommorrow's post will be rather lengthy and I don't want to go over my word-per-week limit.

My main reason for watching The Oscars tonight will be to see how Jon Stewart will do as the host. Personally, I wish Jon the best, because he was always very cool to me whenever we got a chance to speak when I was an intern at "The Daily Show". I think that I mentioned this once before, but Jon actually gave me the best two words of advice than any comic can give, two words that I think about for a moment everyday.

No, I'm not telling you the two words. Words are the only thing that seperate comedians from the general public.

An ethical debate...

For some unknown reason, NBC's "Last Comic Standing" is coming back for another season. The open call for comedians in NYC is next week at Caroline's. I, as a comic, should obviously be going to this, right?

Well, I'm not so sure. And here's why...

When the first season of the show came out, I submitted a tape and got a call from someone at the show telling me to come to the open call, which I did. It was a freezing cold day in the middle of the winter, and they kept hundreds of us waiting outside Madison Square Garden, hoping for our chance. The line was filled with people I had never seen before, and I could see that most of the people there were not even real comedians, just people who wanted something to do for an afternoon. I stayed on the line for about three hours before deciding to go do something more productive with my life.

I should tell you before I continue, that I've watched no more that 5 minutes of the show in it's entirety. Actually, I'm not even sure if this is the second or third season of the show. I do, however, know a couple comics who made it through several rounds of auditions on the show, and not a single one has anything positive to say about it. Not only that, but there are many stories of how the show was fixed at every level and that contestants who moved forward were often managed by people who were involved in the show itself.

Since the last show, I've done gigs with comedians who made it onto the show and got to see first hand that once you do a TV show, you suddenly are a "draw" on the road. Right now, I'm more of a "who's that?", than a draw. For the record, I did just as well as them on the shows, and sometimes even better. (I know, I'm too obsessed with the record, I'm trying to get over it.)

So my dilemna is this. Do I go to an open casting call and wait with hundreds of people for a chance to do two minutes in front of some executives who have probably made their choice's before I even get on stage? Do I compromise my integrity to get on a show that I don't even watch and have only heard bad things about? And, should I even go to an open casting call that anyone can show up to, when I've given my all for seven years as a real comedian?

Comedian Bob Jergeuns once said to me, "Dave, your hubris will destroy you." I wonder if he was right.

Let the ethical debate begin...

Nintendo, which seems to have one mission these days, to end my gaming career, has just put another nail in my coffin. It's new game, "Trauma Center: Under the Knife", for the portable DS system, allows you to perform various medical procedures on patients. It's actually a first in video games, a game where you are trying to save people, not kill them. Despite that lofty goal, I can assure you that my patience for saving the patient's would be rather low. And my rate of yelling at the screen would be rather high.

Anyway, video games seem to always want to be more and more real, but a game where you play a doctor? What's part two of this game going to be about? You get sued for malpractice because you rushed the operation so you could make your tee time? Then you have to become a virtual lawyer and defend yourself? Someone really needs to tell Nintendo to get back to making games about plumbers who eat mushrooms.

Oh, how I should've been a plumber.

You'll be happy to know that I took my own advice this morning and picked up two bagels over at "Hot 'N Crusty". Not only are they fluffier and bigger than "H&H" but they are only 75 cents each, compared to a full dollar at "H&H". I'm gonna take my two extra quarters and go play Ms. Pacman at the local arcade.

Loyal reader Mike Sherman mentioned to me earlier today that lately I have been apologizing for my sputtering inspiration. As he said, "Who exactly are you apologizing to? Once you start aplogizing to the internet itself, you are officially crazy." Good point, Mike. I now retract all the apologies, and the internet can go fuck itself.

(I think that was a well-placed "fuck". You know try to use it sparingly.)

Microsoft is about to unviel a new product called, "Origami", that will be part Blackberry, part web browser, part music player, and part video game console. It also will fold into the shape of a bird.

That was perhaps the most obvious joke I've ever written. I apol...Err, go fuck yourself internet!

I'll be back, time to go eat some blue ghosts...