The Democratic National Convention is now underway in Boston.  It marks the first time in almost 80 years that Red Sox fans will have anything to cheer about.

Did you see Kerry throw out the first pitch ay the Yanks-Red Sox game the other day?  He bounced it before home plate and then it went through the catchers legs.  The whole country is trying to hand this stiff the presidency and he just can't grab the hand off without fumbling.

Prosecutors are saying that Micheal Jackson imprisoned the family of the child he molested so that they would video tape themselves saying Michael didn't molest the boy.  Only MJ could be accused of kidnapping an entire family and I'd go, "Yup, sounds right."

The White House is projecting the budget will be 420 billion dollars in debt this year.   420.  That's right 420.  You could buy a lot of weed with that.

My mom called me the other day to tell me to talk more about the family in my act.  I just don't know that much about the mafia. 

There was a death in the fish tank yesterday.  I can't take much more of this.

Hmm, let's see what else?  Stand up twice a night everynight.  Writing a bunch of different stuff.  Trying to enjoy life.  And now to head out to hand out flyers in the rain.   Yea, life is pretty good.

 

The 9/11 Commission released their big report today.  Basically it says that the government didn't have enough imagination prior to 9/11 and that they recommend one new government agency to handle terrorism.

That's pretty imaginative right there, isn't it?  A government agency to deal with terrorism.  These guys are good.  I feel safe.

Just went to Starbucks to do some writing.  It's been a couple months since I've been there.  They now have see through cabinets containing different coffee beans with explanations on how some beans are different than others.  I wish they had that for regular beans, instead we just get a song about how much they make you fart.

I'm hearing rumors that Robert Zemeckis is going to be directing the live action Transformers movie.  I'm a big fan of many of his movies, but I'm just saying right now that if Forrest Gump makes an appearance it better be so that Megatron can blow his head off.

"Life is like a box of choc....KABlAAM!!!"

Kablaam, how's that for an explosion?  Not bad, right?

Let's see what else is going on?  Yesterday I was deep in thought and instead of swiping my metro card through the turnstile I just walked right into it.  I've just been really preoccupied with cell phone plans lately.  Nobody can explain to me what roaming is exactly.  And why am I doing it in Midtown?

 

 

I think Donald Rumsfeld might be a close relative of Skeletor, they have very similiar facial structure.

So back to Bill Maher on The Tonight Show last night.  He really is a good example of a comic who isn't compromising what he believes just for the sake of success.  That was in stark contract to the NBC Suck-Face he was sitting across from, Jay Leno, who has about as much credibility as a Dorito.  Or is it a Tostito?  Well, either way.

I've really been working on trying to become more singular about my social and political views on stage, and seeing Bill Maher do just that will push me even moreso to do it for myself.  So, with that in mind, I think that John Kerry has great hair. 

Damn, this is gonna be tough.

Former Defense Secretary Sandy Berger is being investigated for taking some secret files about 9/11 from a secure room.  I'm not sure if he did anything wrong, but isn't Sandy Burger the type of hamburger you get in an Iraqi desert?

Damn, this is gonna be  real tough.

A new poll of Canadian teenagers says that 40 percent of them think that the US is a force for evil.  In contrast, a new poll of American teenagers says that 40 percent of them think that Canada doesn't really exist.

Maybe I'll get into prop comedy.  More tommorrow.

 

 

 

Got home early tonight and I flicked on the Tonight Show which I am watching right now.  Bill Maher is truly one of the best voices in this country today.  Too bad he is sitting across from Jay Leno.

More tommorrow.

 

I've been thinking lately about some contemporaries of mine who are having some real tangible success while I'm still doing the club thing everynight, trying to refine my act and delve deeper and deeper into my own self and see what comes out. On one hand I want that immediate gratification (although after 6 years it wouldn't be that immediate), but at the same time I know that you can't fake all the work that it takes to be a really great comic and not just a game show host or some talking head. That's why I'm so proud of what we've created first at Joe Franklin's and now at The Comedy Company. We're really building great comics, if they truly want to be great. And I know I do, so I guess the rest is up to something much bigger than me.

In summation, John McEnroe's new talk show sucks, and hopefully will be cancelled by the time I click "Submit" on this blogger entry.

The Republicans last their bid to get an Amendment on Same-Sex Marraiges. Since when we we ADD laws to LIMIT people's rights? Who cares if two gay people want to get married, that means they want equal right's, not extra ones. If they wanted to marry another guy and something else, say a chair or a lizard, well that would be extra, but just one dude, who cares?

Good use of capitalization in the above paragraph, right?

Shaq has officially been traded to Miami. I'm going to predict that he's gonna have a monster year and that the Heat will win the East. Yup, I make the crazy predictions.

I've gotten a couple people e-mailing me about the political material in the new video on the site here. It's nice to hear, but with Bush as president this shit really writes itself.

New video being uploaded to the site as I write this. It's funny, cuz no matter how good a set is, I always know I can do better, so it's hard for me to enjoy it after the fact. In that respect, doing stand up is like chasing the holy grail. I'm trying to attain this thing that I'm not sure what it is really, and I don't even know what I'll do with it when I find it.

Maybe I'll put in a call to Indiana Jones and ask him about that.

Isabel Sanford, Weezie, from "The Jeffersons" died today. Let's just hope she's moving on up.

KA-CHING!

Thank you ladies and gentlemen, I'll be here all week, don't forget to try the veal, its delicious.

Jeff Zucker, the genious in charge of entertainment over at NBC says that Fox has gone too far with their reality TV programming. He says that Fox is just ripping off NBC reality show ideas. Now, I don't watch any of those garbage shows on either network but I do know that if Jeff Zucker would get off his lazy ass and see what is going on in comedy clubs all over the country he probably wouldn't care what Fox is doing in the first place. How do network executives become charicatures of themselves so easily?

Got some new fish yesterday, marking the 5th full-restocking of the tank. I have high hopes for this bunch, especially the black telescope who looks like his eye is about to explode. I think he'll have just enough of a chip on his shoulder to accomplish some truly great things.

Anyone wanna join me in writing in "Bill Cliton" for President in November?

Keep seeing the same commercial for Will Smith's new movie. "I, Robot". Looks pretty decent but if Jazzy Jeff is in there I'm going to kill someone.

So some special panel says that the government probably assesed the whole weapons of mass destruction thing wrongly. Good to see that we can still get news unrelated to John Kerry and John Edwards' hair.

Got some new video coming up in the next few days. X-Rated, of course.

My 10 year high school reunion is coming up at the end of the month. A couple of my old buddies have chosen not to go, but I checked the records and I am now 12-15 percent cooler than I was in high school so I defintely plan on making it.

The reunion is somehow connected with classmates.com and there is a section for you to post little notes with your RSVP to the reunion. One person, who's name need not be mentioned wrote this..."the majority of the Syosset High School people are assholes."

Sounds like that guy has his life on track, huh?

Drinking coffee as I write this after about a week off from the oh-so powerful caffiene. I feel high as a kite right now.

Though I haven't seen it yet, I've heard that Alf has a new talk show on Nick-at-Nite. I'm glad I've spent 6 years slowly refining and working my craft so that a ficticious alien from the 80's, who already had a sitcom, can now get a talk show. I'm so tempted to move to another planet and do that same shit.

Haven't dont much posting lately, mostly because while things are going well, and im feeling quite funny, I haven't had any specific inspiration to write much. But, I know that the fans demand more, so I will write more, starting today, no matter how uninspired, uncomedic and unworthy of reading. That it my commitment to you. No thanks necessary.

Saw Spiderman 2 this weekend. It made me think that we should just send Spiderman into Iraq instead of troops. I have sent a strongly worded letter to President Bush about just that.

Coach K from Duke is apparently not taking the Lakers up on their 40 million dollar deal and will instead remain head coach of the university. I don't understand why a grown man wouldn't want to babysit a bunch of overpaid, whiny, socially irresponible people. I do it every Monday through Saturday, 2 shows a night.

There is a dead mouse in my kitchen. I can smell it, I know it's there and yet writing this and watching the Yankees-Tigers is taking precedent. What does that say about me?

So apparently they didn't decapitate the latest marine. So, since they are playing more fair, I won't decapitate this cab driver I took hostage yesterday just yet.

The Mets swept the Yanks this past weekend. Good for both Met fans.

Okay that ends my comeback to consitent blog updating. God bless America.