Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Okay folks, back in business after my day off yesterday. I promise this to be a refreshing, enlightening and uplifting entry...about horse penis.

I watched a new show on the Discovery Channel last night called, "Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe". The show follows Mike as he goes from various jobs that nobody would want to other jobs that nobody would want. In just this one episode, he plucked golf balls from alligator infested waters, he was a garbage man and he jacked off a horse.

Yes, that's right. People are doing this. For a living.

Apparently, getting horses to mate old-school style, is very 1980's, so horse breeders basically jack off horses, get an egg from another horse, and then plant the embryo in a third, very lucky horse.

The woman in charge of the breeding took out a giant tube known as "the artificial vagina". She called it "the artificial vagina" about 10 times, as if we were going to think it was real unless she kept saying "artificial". Then they had the horse begin to mount something that looked like a balance beam that would be used in gymnastics. Somehow, they would then get the horse to stick it's dick in the "artificial vagina" while it thought it was banging the balance beam. After a surprisingly few amount of pumps, the "artificial vagina" was "artificially inseminated".

I bring all this up because while they showed all of this on TV, they chose to block out the horses penis throughout this whole process. So, while you got the general gist of what was going on, you still had to use your imagination some. I wouldn't have minded this - I do have quite the imagination - but shorlty after this they took the show to a whole other level.

They showed Mike as used his knuckle's to clean out the female horse's vagina. Not only that but the cleaner he used was in a old-squeeze ketchup bottle and it looked like chocolate sauce. Somehow the people at Standards and Practices had no problem not blocking this out. So that meant that someone said, "Look, we can show a horse vagina getting rubbed down in chocolate sauce, but simply cannot show a horse humping the uneven bars! Not on my watch!"

I should also mention that earlier in the show they had also blocked it out when Mike vomited while grinding up fish on a boat, but then they had no problem showing a giant bag of horse jizz after he wacked it off. Who is in charge of what gets blocked and what doesn't? Horse vagina is good, horse penis is not. Human vomit evil, horse jizz wonderful.

The show was thoroughly enjoyable, and kudos to Mike Rowe for not cracking up every time the very serious woman kept saying "artificial vagina". FYI, a bag of horse semen is worth $25,000 bucks on the black market. Hmm, that gives me an idea.

As I was watching the show I said to my roomate that I was going to post this on the Daily Dave but that I'd really like to have a picture of a horse penis to start it off with. Long story short, don't go to www.horsecock.com. Just thank me for putting up a picture of a horses other head.

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