rubinville

My apologies to CNN's KYRA PHILLIPS, who I have written about several times here, but spelled her name wrong each time. The correct spelling is KYRA PHILLIPS, and now that I've yelled it at you twice you won't forget it either.

Larry Brown is going to be announced as the new head coach of the Knicks later this afternoon. The current roster of the Knicks is so poorly constructed that I'm honestly not sure I would take the job for the 10 million per year that Larry is getting. Of course, I make 12 million per year as a comedian and blogger, so it would be a foolish move regardless.

Have you heard about this blind 16 year old kid in Nebraska who is a video game wiz? Apparently, he kicks ass at several games, with Mortal Kombat being on the top of the list. While his feat is impressive, I don't think it comes anywhere close to me being able to play any sports game on Sega Genesis while having the wire from the controller wrapped around my neck as my brother tried to choke me just because I was winning. You try running back a 82 yard kick-off in Madden '93 while slipping in-and-out of consciousness.

As long as we're on video games, Wal-Mart, Circuit City, Target and Best Buy, have all pulled Grand Theft Auto:San Andreas, because of percieved adult content. At the same time an 82 year old grandmother from New York is suing Rock Star Games for the "offensive" content in the game. Stuff like this really makes me want to get my sawed-off shotgun and go on a killing spree. Luckily, I can instead do it in games such as GTA:San Andreas. Oh wait, now I can't because I don't have the game and I don't know where else to buy it. Well, I don't see any way around it then, I'll have to go on a real killing spree.

I hope you're happy Sam Walmart.

Is that even a real person? It just sounds right.

As long as I'm going on a killing spree, I will also kill the people who are releasing Duece Bigalo: European Gigalo. Unnecessary doesn't begin to describe it.

The View is doing a segment today called, "Is the Internet Killing Your Kid?" I'm not sure about that, but the reverse would be so much worse. Imagine if your kid was killing the internet. There are so many kids out there, but there's only one internet. We need the internet. Kids can be replaced so easily. You can just get a dog, or a cat or a robot. All of which can be purchased on the internet.

Freaky, I know.

OJ Simpson was ordered to pay $25,000 dollars in damages for DirecTV for stealing it's service. He also killed his ex-wife and her boyfriend.