As a comic it is my job to be funny. And, while it is great to work my craft and better myself at what I do night after night, it is also a goal of most comics to get on TV where you can gain more exposure and do better things than performing in a small comedy club can afford. In some ways this is ironic, because the art of stand up itself is best done for an intimate group of people, and I think often loses a lot once it gets to television, where, if you heckle the comic, you are just some loser yelling at the TV.

Anyways, I mention this because as I do stand up everynight I'm always working on all these side projects to get on TV, which for me, is only so I can then get some exposure to do stand up at better places and in better venues. So, with that in mind, I've come up with a couple ideas I want to now pitch around to networks. I contacted a friend of mine who works at MTV and she sent me this long 6 page release form that MTV makes you sign before they will look at anything you submit. It's full of all this nonsensicle legal mumbo-jumbo, but I have to show you this one part...

"Much of the material that is now being submitted embodies materials, suggestions or ideas substantially similar or identical to those which have been developed by our staff or which have been submitted by others. Further, we may begin using material similar or identical to yours which we received after the date of your submission."

Similiar or Identical? IDENTICAL? Identical means exactly the same. Like identicla twins. Or Identical scripts that MTV steals.

To put in in other terms, they are basically saying, "We can, and will steal your material and ideas...have a nice day."

And on that note, have a nice day.

The Knicks are about to fire head coach Don Chaney and replace him with "The Czar of the Telestrator", Mike Fratello. I think it's time that Chaney went, he always has this look on his face like he has to take a dump really bad. Now, he'll finally have the time.

Mike Fratello will prob do a good job, thought I wonder if a bunch of tall black guys can really take basketball pointers from a short white guy.

I got locked out of my apartment yesterday and didn't have my wallet nor cell phone with me. What I realized from the whole thing is how we have become so dependant on cell phones that I literally couldn't remember one friend's phone number off the top of my head. Of course, it didn't really matter cuz I didn't have my cell phone to make a call anyways, but it would have at least been nice to have some phone numbers to think about and pass the time.

Ever see that commerical for that medication so you won't have to pee so often? It shows two women playing golf and suddenly one of them has to run down the fairway because she has to pee so bad. That's hilarious. Women playing golf.

I've got the night off tonight because they are doing some private event at Joe Franklin's. What do regular people do on Wednesday nights? Can I come with?

I'm writing like 18 different things at the moment but can't seem to focus on any particular. I feel like I need a deadline or something. Anyone wanna asign me a project?

NBC just announced that this will be the last season of Frasier, ending the 20 year run that Kelsey Grammer has played the same character. Makes you wonder if he'll be drinking more or less once the show is over.

I'm thinking more.

Roger Clemens just announced he is unretiring to pitch for the Houston Astros. Considering he didn't spend one day actually retired, I'm not sure this is really unretiring. Actually, you know what, I'm announcing my retirement right now.

And now I'd like to announce my comeback. Pretty seamless, huh?

It was insanely cold out this weekend, sub-zero temperatures, and myself and my incredible group of comics were still out on the streets handing out flyers trying to get people into our shows. We put on a bunch of great shows, and I'm convinced more than ever that this group of comics will be the next great generation. I'm just not sure which generation.

Pete Rose finally admitted to betting on baseball. Reminds me of when I first started comedy and I would bet on which comics would do well or not. I lost hundreds of thousands of dollars on Gallagher.

Who really cares it Pete Rose gets into the Hall of Fame? I have more pressing issues to worry about. Like whether Don Mattingly will ever get in.

I'm watchin WFAN radio on the YES Network right now. Nothing more interesting than seeing talk radio on television. Two middle aged losers areguing whther the mets should get Vladmir Guererro. One things thats nice though, is that you can actually see Mike Franscesa getting fatter by the minute when you watch it on TV.

I spend a lot of time during the day writing various things, stand up, stories, scripts, etc. As I'm doing this I'm usually instant messaging with various people. The comment below is something I just wrote to my friend Joe, who lives in DC. I think the comment stands on it's own...

ComedyGuy2: Yes, he did in the movie, temporarily, but then Galvatron came back and killed him.

That's right people, I'm doing important work over here at Rubinville.

It's been absolutely freezing here in NYC. I'm wearing double underwear today. I'm even thinking of putting pants on.

Bluish, my favorite rock band with a flute, is playing at CBGB on January 19th 1t 11:30 pm. The club is located at 315 Bowery. These guys are well on their way to stardom, so check em out before they sell-out and do gameshow theme songs. I, of course, will be the host on the various game shows.

So the Knicks just got Stephon Marbury and Penny Hardway for a bunch of washed up players and some draft picks and some cash. It was making me think that trading comics would be fun if we were on some kind of team or something. If that was possible I think I'd trade Seinfeld and Ellen for Cosby, Lenny Bruce and a conditional first round pick.

Hmm, this is making me think of all kinds of other trades. Like a Presidential trade. I'd trade Bush for Castro and some Cuban cigars. I also would trade Bill Clinton for Tony Blair and some shoe polish. And Jimmy Carter for peanuts.

I caught the last five mintues of Sex in the City last night, only because I didn't want to miss the beginning of Curb Your Enthusiasm, which was on after it. Ironically, the scene I saw took place at the Hudson Hotel, the same place that I couldn't get into the night before and thus wrote my last rambling journal entry about. The show further confirmed my thoughts about that place. May the Hudson Hotel and its bouncer burn in hell.

The Terrot Alert thing is still Orange. I don't know when they are gonna go back to Yellow, but I doubt we'll ever see it at Red. I mean if its Red you might as well start killing people yourself because the shit is about to hit the fan anyways, right?

I am official sober from New Years in 3, 2, 1...Ahhhhhh.

We had two kick-ass shows tonight over at the comedy club. There are so many tourists in town that the club filled up quick and people we're defintely in a laughing mood, I guess the New Year is treating people well so far.

Anyways, the reason I'm writing in the journal at 2:15 a.m. is because after the show, Tarun, Mindy and I decided to go out for a drink. Not really wanting to go to our usual spots we headed over to the Hudson Hotel which is on 58th and 8th. I've been there once before, and from what I remember it was hyper trendy, with lotsa dudes in big lapel open shirts and lota girls who need something to eat. While this isn't like our usual dive bar we figured it be fun to check out.

We were going up to the entrance when some guy dressed in all black and with a big mohawk stopped us and told us that the bar is only for people who are staying in the hotel. Now seeing as a group of hot girls walked in right past us, I found this to be a little curious. Apparently the guy before us had a problem with the mohhawk dude too, because he got in his face and was telling him to "go fuck himself", and that he "hadn't heard the last from me."

I guess that three comedians and some other random guy and his friends aren't quite cool enough for the Hudson Hotel. I'd like to take this time to tell that mohawk dude that he is nothing more than an insecure poser, who sadly thinks that his life is important because he can pick who he thinks is cool enough to have over-priced drinks with a bunch of other plastic people. I'd also like to say to the owners of the Hudson Hotel that they will soon be paying for having some sort of exclusivity clause, because I'm gonna write a kick ass bit about this bullshit and get them a bunch of bad PR.

Ahhhhhhhh, i feel much better now.

Good night.

Well, its the last day of 2003. Lemme do a quick recap of events of the past year. Did stand up pretty much every night in January-March at Gladys'. Then we opened ComedyWorks and I did stand up there pretty much every night from March to November. Then we caught Sadaam. Then it was Christmas season. And then the year ended. I think that about wraps it up.

Actually, I think I accomplished more this year both personally and professionally than any year up to now, and hopefully this will be just another one of the years that I can say that. I'm pretty sure that the whole point, right?

I'll be heading downtown to a loft party for the New Years celebration tonight. The plan goes something like this; go to party, drink, drink, drink, get laid. Not necessarily in that order, of course.

The other day I dropped my laundry off at the place down the street only to pick it up and find out I must've left some gum inj a pocket because all my white shirts are now pink. I don't mind the color change but after chewing the shirts for only like 15 minutes they lose all their flavor.

I'd like to have a lesbain friend. Not a rugby lesbian friend, but like a hot lesbian friend. Please e-mail me if you are interested or can recommend someone.

For my last political comment of the year, I'd like to once again say that there is something purely evil about Howard Dean and that he must be stopped at all costs.

For my last Michael Jackson comment of the year, I'd like introduce the following idea. Let's just put him in jail for something. I dunno what exactly, but just a short time in jail with no special treatment. I'd like to see him dance after a month of being someone else's little 12 year old.

And for my last comment of the year, I'd like to thank all of those of you who have come out to see me do stand up and support some loon with a joke and a dream. 2004 here we come.

We had the Roast of Adam Hunter last night at ComedyWorks. The night was really incredible. We brought together the most random mixed-match of comedians and put on a great show. Adam took the whole thing in stride, which was quite amazing for anyone to deal with 2 hours of insults, much less a guy like Adam who takes so much stuff personally. However, he had a smile on his face the entire time, though come to think of it that might have had something to do with the 8-10 Corona's he drank. For the most part all the comics were sharp and the jokes were just the right mix of insult and humor. I hosted the show, which was great fun, mostly because I got to throw zingers at every comic before and after I brought them up to perform. I'm sure as my career goes on that I'll be part of many more roasts, however, I think this one will always be special because it was before any of us were anything, and only because we came together as comics and friends.

That was by far the sappiest thing I've ever written in the Daily Dave. I owe you one.

The NFL regular season ended today, sending both the Giants and Jets home for a couple long months. I wish life had an off-season to re-group and heal injuries and take anabolic steriods.

Okay, I'm still slightly hungover so I'll write more tommorrow.