Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Best Worst News Ever

In perhaps the worst reporting misspeak in the history of media, NBC's Michael Okwu reported this morning that Betty White was dead and buried in The Forest Lawn Memorial Cemetery. Thankfully, at the end of the report Meredith Vieira stepped in to correct Okwu, informing him that everyone's favorite St. Olafian is in fact, alive and well. My sources tell me that he was actually referring to Bette Davis, not Betty White.

And a collective sigh of relief goes through Rubinville.

In a somewhat related story, NBC, ABC, CBS, FoxNews, MSNBC and CNN have all announced that they are becoming one giant channel, from hither forth known as YMJDWJCSTAI. Though it is obvious, I'll tell you anyway that the call letters stand for, "Yes, Michael Jackson is Dead, We Just Can't Stop Talking About It."

Did I use the phrase "hither forth" correctly, there? I think so, but I'd say there is a 40 percent chance it is not totally on the money.

A British University (I assume in Britain) has just announced that they have created artificial human sperm by using stem cells. The scientists say that in about 10 years the artificial sperm could help couples have a baby to then be aborted to harvest more stem cells.

Rim-shot, please!

Whoa, a semi-right wing joke. How about that? And you thought I was a left-wing commie.

Actually, that joke is pretty funny and clever, if I do say so myself. I'd fax it to Letterman or Conan, but what would they do with a clever joke?

Oh snap.

Damn, I'm on a roll today. This Betty White almost-death thing really got to me.

I think that's it for now. Taping a new Six Pack tomorrow. Gotta do some sit-ups...

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