rubinville

I've been doing a lot of thinking about Richard Jeni since I heard
about his death. Beyond thinking about him, I've also been reading
articles about him, watching old clips of his, and reflecting on my
own life in stand up comedy. Of course, doing none of this can give
me any true insight into why he killed himself, but if nothing else it
can help me own who I am and know why comedians do what we do.

I first saw Jeni on an HBO special sometime in the late 1980's. My
friend Brian had been telling me how funny he was, and when I finally
caught the special he had me in rolling over in pain from laughter.
While I atribute my first inspiration of being a comic to Bill Cosby,
I now realize that Richard Jeni played a bigger role than I thought.
Come to think of it, I even remember wondering why he wasn't in more
movies when I saw him alongside Jim Carrey in "The Mask."

People will continue to wonder why his life unraveled as it did, and
many will say it is because he never broke into the straosphere of
comedic stars. Believe me when I say that what drives comedians is so
much more profoundly personal and often darker than simply the pursuit
of success. However, when the effort and the talent doesn't get you
what lesser hacks somehow attain, it can shake you to the core. The
one thing that keeps me going in comedy is the idea that I can conquer
my demons and then use them as fodder for my act, as opposed to being
ruled by them until one day I am the lead story on Entertainment
Tonight for all the wrong reasons.

I guess what I've learned in all this is that Richard inspired me once
to get into comedy, and then, perhaps accidentely, to do it for the
right reasons.

Here's one more clip of him, and then I'll be back to the funny later...