Yes, I'm alive and well. Just needed a couple days. Thanks for all the e-mails making sure I was okay.

Actually, I only got one e-mail, and it asked quite simply, "Are you dead?" If writing this isn't proof of life, I don't know what is.

One thing that's nice to see is that comedy goes on even when I am off. Sacha Baron Cohen, better known as Kazakh reporter Borat has been doing some amazing things lately. He has been parading around Washington trying to invite President Bush to the premiere of his upcoming movie. This of course resulted in the Secret Service having him removed from the gates of the White House. Those Secret Service guys just have no sense of humor. That's in stark contast to war-monger Donald Rumseld, who I'm told is quite hilarious.

Even better than that event, the Kazakh government actually is working on a PR campaign to show people that their country isn't filled with all the cartoonish stereotypes that Borat projects. Basically, it's a comedian versus a country, and only one side is getting the joke. Good stuff.

I think that's all I got for now. This wasn't much of a post, and if anything it just promoted someone else's comedy, but I'm nothing if not a giver. Give, give, give, give, give...

I lost one of my credit cards today. No, it's not an American Express Gold Card, but I guess once you lose a card it doesn't matter what kind it is.

Now the question is whether my debt also disappear along with the card. That can't possibly be how it works, right?

Please, please, pretty please...

It would've been better if Bill had just punched him, but it's still worth a watch...

The kids are telling me that this is the hot new drink in NYC and LA. It leads me to once again ask the question, "But what about the kids in Sheboygan, Wisconsin?"

Mel Brooks has just announced a cartoon version of Spaceballs, to hit TV screens in 2007.

"I think your Schwartz is as big as mine."

Brilliant.

Did the Joey Reynolds Show last night and said a couple funny things, if I do say so myself. I probably should've promoted that beforehand, right?

More in a bit, I know I said that yesterday, but this time I really, really mean it...

I thought Ahmadinejad was gonna steal the show at United Nations, but today Hugo Chavez called GWB, "the devil." Hate to tell you this Hugo, but the devil looks like the guy above, not like George.

As you can see, it's been a busy day of diplomacy here at Rubinville, more later...

Some bad stuff is gonna go down in this building today.

In case you don't recognize it, that's the Unitied Nations building, which is about a ten minute cab drive from my apartment. Later today, at the General Assembly, Iranian Wackjob, I mean President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, will be giving a big speech. I think I spelt his name wrong there, but frankly the guy isn't worth me looking it up.

In a time when the US is roundly attacked for anything we do, or don't do, you gotta give us some credit that we allow for this morally compromised, unethical, flat-out evil organization to operate on our soil.

Oh, wait, I meant that in reverse. Why is it that we allow for this corrupt organization to sit on our soil? Having the United Nations in NYC, especially when it's being addressed by a nut like Ahmadinejad is the equivalent of the Justice League of America letting the Legion of Doom come to Metropolis and then have Lex Luthor give the keynote speech.

That's one of the better analogies I've ever made. Somewhere in the archives from about a year ago I listed the Justice League equivalent of the member states of the UN. The United States is Superman, England is Batman, etc. Everything being equal though, I prefer Marvel Comics, and in that world we would be Spiderman.

As Uncle Ben said, "With great power comes great responsibility." We could use a does of advice like that sometimes.

(No, not Uncle Ben the rice-guy. Uncle Ben, Peter Parkers dead-uncle.)

As long as I'm discussing America, you gotta love this new Free Speech segment on The Katie Couric Variety Hour, or whatever it's called. Basically, they are supposed to let people discuss anything they want, hence the title Free Speech. Bill Maher was gonna do it but for some crazy reason he was annoyed that CBS executives gave him a list of approved topics to choose from for the segment titled FREE SPEECH. Good stuff, CBS, good stuff.

I should be on that Free Speech segment to talk about all this. Anyone know how to get in touch with Katie?

Have you ever seen so much star power in one picture?

Yes, that's yours truly, along with the one and only Steve Guttenberg. The picture was taken at the Greenwich, CT, train station at 12:30 am, Saturday morning. We chatted it up about Police Academy, Cocoon and everything in between. (As if you can fit anything in between those two classics.) I recommended that they combine Police Academy and Cocoon into one revolutionary sequel and he said he would think about it. More importantly though, he told me that Policy Academy 2007 is in the works and that, "All your questions will be answered."

When we got on the train the real fun began, so much so that it's worthy of an audioblog. Hang tight...

Not much going on in my brain at the moment. Maybe if I focus on this picture of the brain something will pop, let's see...

Nothing yet...

Nothing...

Nope, still nothing...

Nadda...

Oh, here's something...

No, was a false alarm...

Hmm...

C'mon Dave...

Ummmmmmmmm, hmmmmmmmm, there's gotta be soemthing this brain...

Wow, this is disturbing...

I think it's cuz I had a rough show last night...

Wait, that's something, talk about that...

Good thinking...

Well do it then...

Okay, here we go...

So, ya, I had a rough show last night. It was my first rough one after a nice run that I've been on lately. I don't like to make excuses (though I will), but I got a really poor intro and then the mic-stand broke literally the moment I touched it. Normally I weave that into something really funny, but for some reason I stood there holding the mic-stand in one hand and the mic in the other, it felt more like a weapon than a comedic prop. The set finished up better than it started but it was nothing to write home about. Fortunately, as the tech savvy person I am, I generally e-mail home instead of writing.

The point of all this is, that the beauty of comedy is everytime you think you've got it, you suddenly lose it, only to get it back again. I supposed it's like the Honky Tonk Man's quest for the WWF Intercontinental belt in that way.

I saw an old friend the other day who told me that he thinks "industry people" are becoming aware of Rubinville. As I say to everyone who talks about the industry, "What industry? The steel industry?"

Anyway, if you're reading this and you're from the industry, I can melt metal and make it into a horseshoe like nobody's business.

Well, maybe the horse's business, but nobody else's.

Did I use the apostrophe correctly in "else's" there. I'm not sure and it's making my brain hurt to think about. I feel an ache in my basal ganglia as I write this.

Okay, gotta prepare for my show tonight. Tonight's theme, "Not cracking under the pressure of a busted mic-stand..."

Mel Gibson isn't quite out of the woods just yet. Check out this clip of Dennis Leary up in the booth at a recent Red Sox game. Quite hilarious...

There's nothing like revenge killings when it comes to nature. In a strange turn of events, there has been a sudden rash in sting-ray murders in Australia. People are saying that it's locals taking out their anger on the sting-ray that killed Steve Irwin last week. By that logic I should be chopping down trees because of the time I fell out of the tree in the front of our house back in 1986. If only I could find my good axe.

I didn't catch George's big speech last night but I'm guessing that is was mostly same-old, same old. Fight them there before they get us here. If only I could find my good axe.

Have you heard about this teacher in Washington who won't shave his beard until we catch Osama? He's gonna really need some help trimming that thing by the time that happens. I sure hope I'll have found my good axe by then.

Oh, I should also mention that Golden Axe was one of my favorite games on Sega Genesis.

(Strange post, indeed...)

Amazing it was already five years ago. I'll be back tommorrow with the usual hilarity...

Damn, I'm good.

Only two days after writing about how Barbara seems "slow, out-of-touch and unamused," the ladies of The View spent several minutes discussing how Barbara should smile more. The way I see it, either I called her out on this, or someone else saw the same very obvious thing that I did. Either way, it was cringingly hilarious seeing her stretch to smile every three seconds during the show. And that's it for todays re-View.

The most noteworthy thing going on in the world today is that Tony Blair announced he's going to resign in a year. First Spain, then Italy, and now England have all voted out Bush's buddies. Osama is gotta be smiling in his cave somewhere with all this good news. I hope that at least it's really cold in there or that there's rats or something. Otherwise this war on terror thing is really going as poorly as those damn liberal freaks say it is.

Anyone else not give a flying you-know-what about the ABC September 11th movie? Democrats are in an uproar about it, but if you really watch network dramas for your factual news then you are an idiot. Come to think of it, if you watch network news for your news you also are an idiot.

Fortunately, I know you aren't an idiot, because you get your news here at Rubinville which is the most non-idiotic place in the galaxy.

I like that. It's officially our new slogan...

Rubinville: The Most Non-Idiotic Place in the Galaxy

Just follow along here for a second...

I wrote the post below about five minutes ago, only to find out that the audioblog that is posted beneath it actually did post. When I did the regular post I had thought that the audioblog never got here. I'll probably regret calling the audioblog "probably the funniest thing I've ever done", but I don't delete posts, and I'm not starting today.

Oh ya, also the audioblog skipped out right as I was about to pick up the poop, it's not that I slipped and get knocked unconscious or anything like that. That'll make sense if you listen in, I promise.

Lastly, this is probably just confusing matters even more but the reason that I put a picture of some clouds here is because I couldn't think of anything that was relevant to this explanation and everyone likes clouds.

Okay, phew, enjoy...

I'm sorry to post a picture of Mr. A for the second time in a week but I just read that he is coming to NYC to give a speech at the UN in about two weeks.

(Oh, I should mention first that the reason for this late post is because I did an audioblog that apparently didn't post for some reason. Since it's been lost forever, let me note that it was probably the funniest thing I've ever done.)

So anyway, Ahmadinejad wants to debate Mr. Bush and now it seems like it could become a reality. Of course, George will get out of it somehow, which is probably good, because even though Ahmadinejad is a nutjob, he seems pretty well spoken.

(Insert any memory of George screwing up a simple word that pops into your head.)

My point is, that even though we've gotta stop this Islamo-Facism thats sweeping the word (much like Cabbage Patch Kids in the mid-80's), we can't stop it via debating. Maybe if we could send in a pinch-debator for George, but not if it's just him up there.

Okay, enough of this topic. I'm not even sure if I said anything new or unobvious, but my hilarious audioblog took a lot out of me.

I'm watching the Yankees vs. Royals as I write this. I'll be all about baseball once the playoffs start but this is majorly boring. Are the Royals even still in the big leagues?

Okay, that's it for now, I have to go bring sexy back...

There's nothing like a random still-shot to make a situation look weirder than it actually is.

Rosie debuted on The View today, and I gotta say she was pretty funny. I thought she had some good interactions particularly with Joy Behar, which was nice, because it's always good to see two solid comic minds riffing together.

Beyond that, I thought the most interesting thing going on was how clearly it seems that Barbara Walters is losing her control of the show. She seems slow, out-of-touch, and unamused. She fakes it all decently, I bet her days as a full-time co-host are numbered after this season. Remember you heard that here first. Rememeber it!

I also watched a couple minutes of Katie who was her usual, new self. By that I mean, sort of smiley, but also not trying to smile too much. As Andrew Tavani pointed out to me, there is a poster of her on a bus here in NYC where her smile is so contrived, as if to please everyone, that it's utterly ridiculous.

Okay, that's it for the ladies of TV in new places. Tommorrow, the men of TV in old places that shouldn't exist anymore.

As for me today, I went food shopping this afternoon and had the good fortunate of seeing a woman yell at a man behind-the-counter over the price of caviar. Fortunately for him, I don't think he understood much English, and fortunately for her, despite her bad attitude, she has enough money to buy caviar. It was 400 bucks for 4 ounces. Is it really that good? Somehow, I doubt I'll ever know.

(If you'd like to send me some caviar via caviar.com or snootyfood.org, just e-mail me for my home address.)

It's the first day of school, and I don't have a school to go to anymore. It's a sad, sad day when that happens. At least I have my banana and apple and giant pencils.

Everyone's talking about Katie Couric's debut on the CBS Evening News. I'd like to reference something I wrote about her back in January, well before she got the job...

http://www.rubinville.com/dailydave/2006/01/up-early-today-as-i-have-some-stuff-to.asp

Watching Rosie's first day on The View, I'll have a full Lesbian-Back-On-TV review shortly...

Just came across this teleprompter fiasco from Fox News anchorman Shepard Smith. Kyra, I hope this gives you a little piece of mind...



More in a bit...