Thanks to CNN's little bathroom snafu, Rubinville got more hits than ever yesterday. Interestingly, we got a ton of hits because many people searching for her spelled her name incorrectly, typing in "Kira" instead of "Kyra." See, my lack of fact-checking around here can pay off sometimes.

This all clearly leads us to another installment of the top ten search phrases people used to come to Rubinville...

1. Kira Phillips
2. Kyra Phillips
3. Kyra Phillips bathroom
4. Horse Vagina
5. Dave Rubin
6. Kyra Phillips open mic
7. Kira Phillips audio
8. CNN Kira
9. David Rubin
10. Rubinville

As you can see, it is a very uniform list. Hoepfully, some of the people who stopped by for Kyra will come back for some Dave, I'll just have to keep my fingers crossed. If I know one thing, it's that the good people who came for horse vagina will be back, so that need not be mentioned. I do want to emphasize though that I really do like Kyra, and you can check out the archives to confirm that.

(If you do check out the archives to confirm that you are truly a Gold Member here at Rubinville. Please e-mail me and we'll automatically upgrade you're entire package.)

One last clerical thing. This was by far the most hits here this month, which continues a trend of increasing traffic for something like the last 14 months. I'd like to get the comment section a little more alive, but I'm told that the Rome comment section wasn't built in a day, either.

As the student of comedy that I am, I've been reading a book, "Seriously Funny", about the great comedians of the 50's and 60's. To no surpirse I've loved the chapters on comics like Lenny Bruce, Bill Cosby and Mel Brooks. To my surprise though, I found the chapter on Joan Rivers pletty enlightening, too. Just when I thought I knew it all.

Okay, time to take Emma for a walk. I went to the bathroom a few minutes ago and she's looking at me with jealous eyes...

Someone left Kyra Phillips microphone on while she went to the bathroom during GWB's Katrina speech yesterday. Kyra, you know I love ya, but this is too good not to post...



(Thanks to Cinders for the link.)

No, they aren't doing another remake of Planet of the Apes.

That's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, also know as The Nutty President of Iran. Today, instead of his usual kill all the Jews speech, he publicly challenged President Bush to a live TV debate. Call me crazy, but I'm thinking that George should say yes and then when he's supposed to show up at the debate we just bomb the place with Mr. Ahmadinejad in it.

I probably should've e-mailed that privately to the White House instead of posting it here, but what are the chances that any Iranian Secret Service agents are visiting Rubinville this time of year?

Wait, a minute. Come to think of it, the manager of the Ritz-Carlton Rubinville called me yesterday saying some suspicious Middle Eastern men had checked into the hotel. Excuse me, I have to make a call...

(Yes, we have a Ritz-Carlton in Rubinville. Please, what'd you think, that I'm gonna be shacking my guests up in a Best Western? Not on this day, sir.)

This is the first image of Megatron from the new Transformers Movie. I don't curse often here on The Daily Dave but allow me to both curse and yell when I say...

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK???

Oh, good old network executives...

In response to their piss-poor airing of the plane-crash beginning to the Emmys, NBC released this typical BS respsonse...

"Our hearts and prayers go out to the many families who lost loved ones in the plane crash in Kentucky on Sunday, and to the entire community that has suffered this terrible loss."

It continues...

"In no way would we ever want to make light of this terrible tragedy. The filmed opening during the Emmy telecast was meant to spoof some of television's most well-known scenes. The timing was unfortunate, and we regret any unintentional pain it may have caused."

Really, NBC, really? Cuz it seems to me that if you didn't want to cause pain you could've intentionally not aired the segment. Don't they hire like 50 writers to handle the 20 repetitious jokes on the show?

Okay, that's it for now, I just had to get that out. In more pressing news I just saw pictures of Megatron from the Transformers Movie. My concern level regarding the movie just jumped another 22 percent...

I'm watching the Emmy's as I write this. It's really hard to believe that I'm gonna host this thing in only four short years from now.

Somehow the finale of Six Feet Under, by far the best thing on TV in the past year, got passed over for both writing and directing. Call me a cynic, but it's almost as if awards can only go to shows that are still on there air so that the industry can make itself feel more relevant.

Not too worry though, that's one of the things I'm gonna fix when I host. Unless, of course, The Dave Rubin Show has already been cancelled by then and posthumously wins. If that's the case, I'm just gonna have to let it slide.

Saw Little Miss Sunshine this afternoon which gets my official Three Thumbs Up. Don't ask where I got the extra thumb, just go see the movie. It was funny, heartfelt and different. Like me after a week-long bender.

Okay, gotta get back to the Emmys, my time is coming soon enough. Coming, I say!

(Note the use of dramatic tone there. I am a true pro.)

*Larry David just lost to Tony Shaloub for best actor in a comedy series. I'll have that officially reversed when I host. Any other requests?

Apologies for the slow day today, but as you know I write from my laptop, and with all the exploding computers these days this is becoming a hazardous job.

To alleviate your concern, it should be noted that I have an HP laptop, not one of the Dell/Apple exploding-kind. You can never be too careful about this sort of thing though, and thusly I'm wearing a nuclear-reactor-type-suit that Homer wears at the beginning of The Simpsons.

I literally can't think of anything else I want to write about at the moment. Perhaps it has something to do with that whole Pluto not being a planet anymore. That's the kind of information that'll really rock your world.

Or, uhh, I should say your non-planet.

Okay, I think the corny-meter just exploded. Lemme go read the news and get angry about some stuff...

Scientists have announced that Pluto is no longer a planet. There is some joke about Pluto now waiting to be adopted at the ASPCA, but I haven't had my coffee yet so think of it yourself.

(Sorry about that, it's just that Pluto was one of my top-nine favorite planets and now there are only eight left. It just sucks for me, I guess...)

I'm not sure where this is from, but check out this duet between Bea Arthur and Rock Hudson. Somehow I don't think these lyrics would get past the network censors these days...



More later, doing a thing...

I've got a couple things to do this morning, so before my regular post click the image above to check out a new video by Best Week Ever superstar Melissa Rauch.

(Yes, it's big of me to even mention BWE considering I didn't get on after they taped me, but there's no use crying over unaired TV appearances...)

Just snapped this picture of Emma at the dogrun. Listen to the audioblog below to hear about the good times we had...

Before I get to William Shatner, I'm watching GWB discuss Iraq and the overall war on terror. I don' t know if this is even possible, but I think I can see the wrinkles on his forehead actually getting bigger by the second. Botox, Mr. President. Botox.

And now to William Shatner, shown above after winning an Emmy for Boston Legal. (Which is a very good show that I recommend you check out, and not just because Betty White is a semi-regular.)

Last night, Comedy Central aired their Roast of William Shatner and much like their other roasts it was an orgy of hack-filth spewed out by the same people that they parade out for their other roasts. I don't know if most of Shatner's Hollywood friends refused to show up, or if Comedy Central just likes to recycle the same comedians over and over, but having a group of comedians who have mostly accomplished nothing roast a guy who is a living legend just doesn't work. Those guys roasting Shatner made no more sense than having me roast William Shatner.

That being said, the people with some connection to Shatner, like George Takei, Nichelle Nichols and Betty White were actually funny. Moreso though, it actually made sense that they were there in the first place and it didn't feel like they were trying to make it just by being there.

You might be thinking, "Yea, like you wouldn't do the show if they called you, Dave?" And the answer to that is "Hell yes." Firstly, maybe I could bring a new, fresh voice to the roasts. Secondly, I'm pretty sure it pays American money. And thirdly, I have my opinions, but work is work.

More than anything else though, I wouldn't miss a chance to say hello to Betty White...

My sources are telling me that Soundwave is not going to be in the upcoming Transformers movie. My level of concern about the film has just jumped 47 percent...

Believe it or not, I have another bachelor party this weekend. Fortunately, for my body and mind, this one is in Manhattan, though the festivities begin tonight at Shea Stadium in Flushing, NY. I haven't been to a Mets game in about a year and I'm looking forward to commenting on that area in right-center field that looks like a graveyard that got ransacked.

I'm sure this weekend will be a lot of drinking once again. A fine mess I've gotten myself into by having a brother and friends. A fine mess.

Have a good weekend, and look for me at Shea tonight. I'll be the shirtless guy with the letter "S" on his stomach.

(The "S" will be for "METSSSSSS." We had to add five extra S's because there are nine of us.)

And now to the Atlantic City/Bachelor Party Review...

I'll start by telling you that the picture above was taken at the big dinner on Saturday night. About five minutes after I snapped the picture with my camera phone (impressive, I know), one of the guys punched another guy in the face. I'm told that the punch was thrown because of a mixed-up drink order, and who hasn't punched someone over a drink? They were both kicked out of the hotel, and then, in a move that defines the word "irony", they got a room together at another hotel. Obviously, people can be both fighters and lovers.

As for the gambling portion, some won, some lost and some just got lost. If you listened to my audioblog from the casino floor you know that I was one of the people that just got lost. I think I spent the better part of three days wandering the casino asking where the "Regis" slot machines were located.

Yea, Regis Philbin even has his own slot machines. The man is more of a currency than a human at this point.

The drinking was non-stop and caused much drunkeness. I drank mostly Bud Light for some strange reason, which you literally pee out exactly the same amount of as you drink in. That doesn't even seem scientifically possible but I assure you it's true.

The strip club had some of Atlantic City's finest strippers, also know as the Vegas rejected strippers. I don't know that it's ethical to reveal what went down at the strip club, but I can tell you that my brother didn't bring his underwear back to the hotel.

The eating was excessive and often illogical. Let me be very clear about this next sentence: There is NO reason to eat a Philly Cheesesteak at 6 am under any circumstances. ESPECIALLY after you ate something called a FatBurger at 3 am. Why? Why?? Why would I do such a thing???

One morning, I'm not sure if it was Friday or Saturday, I had about 8 cups of coffee, which led to an event in the bathroom that is beyond words, so I'll just leave it at that.

On a comedic level, you know there had to be one, I had two chats with Lewis Black, who was performing at the Borgata over the weekend. I know Lewis from my days as a Daily Show intern, so we chatted about that as well as some stuff that only comedians can/should talk about. He gave me a couple words of advice that'll fuel the fire for a couple months, at least.

Overall, it was a great weekend with a bunch of great guys. My brother even won 1,500 bucks in a final, drunken run of blackjack. Not bad, especially considering he wasn't even wearing underwear.

The weekend was one I won't forget, which is strange, because by all accounts, I shouldn't remember any of it...

And here, finally, is a picture of The Golden Girls. The good people at Blogger told me that I should use Firefox instead of Explorer as my internet browser to post and I'd have no trouble. As you can see it worked, and I think that it signifies the further crumbling of the Microsoft Empire.

(I don't know that Microsoft's empire is crumbling, actually I doubt it, but it'd be nice if it was, dont you think?)

Enjoy the picture of the ladies and their new 4-5 pm timeslot. Now that I can post pictures again I'll give the long-awaited Atlantic City review a little later...

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Pictures still won't load. I've sent an e-mail to the proper authorities. Hang tight, gang...

Pics still won't post. The internet sucks, I'm looking into getting on the outernet...

Pictures won't load at the moment but I couldn't wait to post this breaking news...

Thanks to my e-mail (and mine alone), The Golden Girls are making their return to the Lifetime lineup from 4-5pm on weekdays. It just goes to show that writing an e-mail to a network can cause change. I bet any day now I'll get responses to my e-mails from NBC, Fox, HBO, Showtime, CBS, ABC and TNT.

Yup, any day now.

I'll get back to ya once the pictures are working. Any other bloggers having the same problem today?

First off, I'd like to thank all eight of you who took a fraction of a second out of your day to vote in my first ever poll. I'm forever indebted to you. As for the other 1,396 of you, we're in a fight.

I came to that number because as of 11:29 pm tonight there were 1408 unique hits to Rubinville today. And, according to my remedial math skills, 1,408 minus 1,396 equal 8. For those of you who perfer a number equation, enjoy this...

1408-1396=1408

That's how much I care about you guys, when I talk math I write it out in both words and numbers. Think about that when I put up my next poll.

Okay, guilt session officially over.

I have much to tell you about Atlantic City, but I'm tired from a long day of catching up on things. I promise to fill you in, in non-poll form, tommorrow.

Until then, go to CNN.com where they have many polls like the one above. I know how the idiot who comes up with them feels if only a couple people click on them...

(See how I snuck a little more guilt in there? Pretty slick, if I do say so myself.)

I need a couple hours to piece together the whole weekend, so I'll start by putting up the first ever Daily Dave Poll. Vote, it's your duty as an American.

I'll have a full report of the weekend once I finish draining the alcohol and smoke out of my pores.

How Much Money Did I Win/Lose in Vegas This Weekend?
	Lost under $200
	Won $200-$500
	Lost $500-$1,000
	You can't lose what you don't have
	It's a trick question, you were in Atlantic City, not Vegas
Free polls from Pollhost.com

I attempted to do an AudioBlog from the casino floor last night but apparently it didn't fully take. While that's probably best for both legal and moral reasons, some did manage to record. Click play below to listen in...

Heading to Atlantic City, the famed Borgata Hotel and Casino, for my brothers bachelor party this weekend. It'll be an adventure filled with gambling, drinking, strippers, eating, midgets, strippers, gambling and drinking. I, for one, am more of a gambler in life than in the casino, so I think I'll be poolside most of the days. Rumor has it that my brothers friends are bigtime gamblers so I'll probably have a story or two related to bailing someone out of jail after a failed attempt to steal an ATM machine.

Interesting sidenote, they say that LA is for actors and Vegas is for comedians. I'm not sure what that makes Atlantic City, I'll just have to find that out for myself.

Most likely if I'm not at the pool I'll be playing video games at one of the many arcades along the boardwalk. I'll try some of the new-fangled stuff, but it always comes back to Ms. Pacman with me. When I was in Amsterdam about seven years ago I actually got so stoned that I met God in between the sixth and seventh levels.

No word yet from the people over at Lifetime regarding The Golden Girls debacle. Reba obviously has them by the balls. Damn you, Reba! Damn you to Hell!

I'd stick around and write more but I have to work on my card-counting skills. Wish me luck...

In case you haven't seen it, here's the first poster from the upcoming Transformers movie. I'm hearing rumors that Bumblebee is going to be some kind of sportscar instead of a Beetle, but I'm will to give the movie the benefit of the doubt, at least for now. There's a teaser up at www.transformersmovie.com. Who doesn't like a good tease?

In more urgent entertainment-related news, I have gotten a few e-mails and had various discussions with people regarding the Lifetime channel basically giving The Golden Girls the boot. While they used to be on from 9-10 am, 6-7 pm, and 11-midnight, they've now lost all slots except for the early morning one. To make matters worse, Lifetime has replaced them from 6-7 pm with Reba. No, I've never watched it, nor will I ever, but I am confident in saying that I'm sure that the show blows and that Lifetime has made a serious programming error. Thankfully, because of my many years in the biz, I'm well-connected and was able to obtain the e-mail adresses of some higher-ups over at Lifetime. I sent them this letter last night...

To the good people at Lifetime,

I'm sure your getting a ton of email on this so I'll keep it brief but please, please, please bring back the Golden Girls and move Reba to 3-4 am where she belongs. My readers have long known about how much I love the GG''s and I'm getting all kinds of e-mail today requesting that I contact you. Please do something. Reba ain't no Dorothy, Blanche, Rose or even Sophia...

Dave Rubin
www.rubinville.com

Now we play the waiting game...

Much like the Tyranosaurus of Jurassic Park, the new and improved Rubinville is now "Live." It's an exciting time here and the whole town is buzzing with chatter. We're putting up some new high-rises which will probably push all the poor people out of town, but that's the price you pay for progress. As I'm sure you know by now, I'm a hardcore capitalist if nothing else.

Along with our new style, you'll also notice some new links on the right. I don't take links lightly and these comedians all have the official Rubinville Stamp of Approval. If you have a site and want to be linked send me an e-mail and I'll consider it. Of course, if you PayPal me some cash along with the e-mail you will move directly to the front of the line. Again, hardcore capitalism at its finest.

I wanna thank Steve Giordano for the updates and dealing with my IM's all day long. He truly is the Webmaster of Webmasters. Check out his band's website at www.bluishband.com for some rockin' tunes. That's what the kids say, right? Rockin' tunes? Yea, that sounds about right. I'm hip, yo. Word to your mother.

Okay, well that's it for now, but I seem to have broken my blogfunk and the new design has me rearing to get some new, highly hilarious, stupefyingly sensational stuff on here. So, if you haven't already, get your lease signed over at the Rubinville office ASAP. Time is running out to get in at the ground floor...

Big changes are coming to Rubinville within the new day or so. Security is tight but I was able to obtain this picture through an undisclosed source. You'll get more info as it comes in...

Lenny Bruce, who most people consider the father of modern stand-up comedy, died 40 years ago yesterday, fittingly enough, at the age of 40. Lenny changed stand-up because he not only attacked social and political institutions when it was basically unheard of, but was also profoundly personal and didn't always go for the laugh. Some of his material on religion in particular would still be more controversial than you'd hear in any comedy club today. Sadly, his life and career veered out of control, partly because of drugs and partly because of his passion not to compromise.

I'd like to think that if Lenny was around today that we'd be in the same group of comics, all trying to get better, get deeper, and get wherever we're supposed to go. I'd probably skip out on the heroin, but you never know.

It's snowing in South Africa, it's 100-plus degrees in NYC, there's a war in the Middle-East, and I'm don't have any cleans socks. I just don't know how much more of this I can take. Anyone wanna go on an inter-stellar trip with me aboard my new spaceship? I've got room for four besides myself...

MTV is celebrating it's 25th anniversary, which led the AP to write an article about how hip the channel still is today. Here is an excerpt...

"Without MTV, you might not have reality television. Commercials wouldn't have vertigo-inducing quick cuts. Musicians wouldn't need to look like models to survive. Kelly Osbourne wouldn't have gotten near a recording studio. And only seamstresses would know about wardrobe malfunctions."

Almost sounds too good to be true, doesn't it?

It's so freakin hot outside that I'm sweating-out Gatorade, and I haven't even drank any Gatorade today.

Believe it or not, I now suspect that my phone broke because I sweat in it yesterday. There is a pool of water in the screen and I know that I didn't spill anything on it. I might be the first person ever to break a phone because of a glandular issue.

I'll write more later, I've gotta go put some ice in my underwear...