Super Boring.

(Clearly, I'm not back to my full-posting self. Maybe some beach time this weekend will fix that...)

Sorry I didn't make it back yesterday but when I heard about Star Jones leaving The View I got all broken up.

Rumor has it they're looking for a hot, young, fresh-faced, black woman to replace Star. Hmm, if I can find a good makeup person maybe there's a chance...

Believe it or not, I was asked in audition today if I knew who Tomax and Xomat are. Who said 30 year old's are out-of-touch?

Gotta deposit some birthday checks but I'll be back. Or, as Tomax and Xamot would say...

Tomax: I'll

Xamot: Be

Tomax and Xamot: Back

I'm pretty sure that the first thing that happens to you when you turn 30 is that you need to believe that you're "Better Than Ever" even though all the phone calls/emails/text messages that you've gotten so far today have had something to do with a lower-back pain that you'll soon have for the rest of your life.

So yes, I'm back after my quasi-hiatus. And, as I mentioned, this marks not only my 30th birthday, but also my 500 post here on The Daily Dave. Oh, how far we have come. I had a pleasant lunch already today, and plan on having a sensible dinner before hitting the sack around 6:30 or 7, depending if I wanna stay up for Jeopardy.

My time off was good for several reasons, if for non other than that I felt I was becoming a little stale lately. Not too worry though, I feel refreshed and my 30 and 500 Existential Crisis seems to be over. I say "seems" because a good friend told me the other day that when he turned 30 that he cried like a baby in the middle of the day. It's only 3:15 right now, so I don't wanna count my chickens before they hatch.

Oh yea, I should've mentioned that one of the things I did while I was gone was become a chicken farmer.

I'd like to thank the people who came back time and again to post comments trying to figure out where I was. Somehow, almost everyday that I didn't post I actually got more hits than when I do post, I suppose because people were coming back to see if I had returned. I guess less actually is more sometimes.

Besides a couple day-trips and some random meetings with people, I also had a couple good auditions and interviews. Things are surely coming together, and coupled with my new sense of "I'm 30 it's sell-out time", I have a feeling someone you know might be a gameshow host soon enough.

Anyway, thanks for being patient and starting tommorrow we'll get back to the funny.

Unless, of course, my lower back prevents me from sitting and typing, or I fall and break my hip, or my dentures fall out, or I lose my shoes, or, well, you get the point...

Not quite ready to reveal where I've been/what I've been doing, but I will tell you that I had a very pleasant conversation with Meredith Viera earlier today. She's a really warm, genuine, funny person. Matt, if you ever need a little time off please don't hesitate to call, I''d be happy to fill in for ya.

This marks my 499th posting, my 30th birthday is in four days, and suddenly I've got a couple good things cooking. Is it all finally coming together?

My full-return is coming soon, will all, or at least some, of the answers...

Can you find Waldo...or Dave?

Where in the world is Dave?

Let the guessing begin...

Done gone and went fishin'.

That, or I'm actually doing something else but they don't make a sign for it.

Filets for everyone when I get back...

I just read a great piece about why television sucks by former NBA player turned ESPN.com columnist Paul Shirley. While I felt like becoming a plumber after reading it, it's worth taking a look at if you've ever wondered why TV blows and why I can be little moody sometimes...

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/columns/story?columnist=shirley_paul&page=Journal-32

(Yes, I used "sucked" and "blowed" in the same paragraph there. It's not the first time and it won't be the last time...)

The first hurricane of the season, Alberto, is on it's way to vacation in Florida. As always, our satellites using technology borrowed from The Predator, are keeping a close eye on the situation. The hurricane hasn't even hit yet and it's already more exciting than Alien v. Predator.

Some big soccer thing is happening today. I'm not a fan of soccer, nor a fan of the fans of soccer. Hand usage is very important to me, in sports, and all other aspects of life.

Friday with Grandma was very nice. I realized that I've lived in the city for so long now that when I go to the suburbs and see a couple trees that I think that I'm in a forest. At one point I thought I was about to get mauled by bear but it turned out to be a squirrel.

So when I posted that picture of Sophia on Friday, I did a little research about her and it turns out that not only did she Estelle Getty play her through The Golden Girls and Golden Palace, but also for two seasons of Empty Nest. I totally forgot about that. Empty Nest was a very under-rated show, by the way. I'm guessing it's on at 4 in the morning on channel 80-something, but I don't have the patience to search the guide to find it.

Alright, I might check in later, but for now I have to go check behind the fridge, there's a weird smell coming from there and that's never a good thing...

Picture it, Sicily, 1928...

Actually, picture it, New Jersey, 2006. That's where I'll be tommorrow visiting Grandma Mimi. If there are any Sophia-style stories, I'll be sure to give a full report...

(If time permits I'll also stop by Harry Weston's house to check in on his dog Dreyfus.)

Two facts about yesterday...

1. al-Zarqawi killed.

2. No Daily Dave post.

So, was al-Zarqawi killed in an airstrike like the US is saying?

OR

Did yours truly make the hit in during a top-secret mission?

You decide.

You just can't keep a man with a talking chair and an over-zealous mailman down.

That's right, Pee Wee Herman is back, at least for the summer, as Cartoon Network will be airing all 45 original episodes of Pee Wee's Playhouse in July and August. I could make a crass joke about Pee Wee's wee-wee but I'm gonna take the high-road because the show was once a staple during my Saturday Mornings.

Eh, you know what, lemme tell one quick Pee Wee joke. I didn't write it, but I remember this being my favorite Pee Wee joke back then...

What do Abraham Lincoln and the man who sat in front of Pee Wee have in common?

They both got shot in the back of the head at a theatre.

As I said, I didn't write it, so don't shoot the messenger.

Went to the new Apple Store on 5th Avenue today. It's quite an impressive display of nerds and cool people all in on place as a functioning unit. As usual, I was right smack dab in between the nerds and the cool people in that little space where I flourish. That place, of course, was the bathroom. Which, by the way, was very nice.

Okay, I'd love to stay and chat, but today is 6-6-06 and I have to go slay some demons...

Sorry for the late post today but pictures don't seem to wanna post, and you know my policy about non-picture-posting.

Anyone else think The Sopranos finale was pretty weak? Somebody, anybody, should've died, but instead it ended with a happy family at Christmas time. I know I'm not the only person that was praying for the house to blow up. Or at least a drive by shooting.

It wasn't just that nobody died, I can accept that. It was moreso that just when it looked like things were going to get out of control, here comes another heart attack. Yea, people have heart attacks, but in television I expect more clever writing to get out of sticky situations.

(Why I expect anything clever from television is something that I'm still working on in therapy. Either way, this was HBO which, I thought, was specifially not television.)

Overall though, the season was superb and I'll be back for the final eight episodes. That is, if I can still afford HBO when the show returns in the fall of 2016.

I'll try to post more later if I get the pictures working, I just can't operate like this...

Since I didn't post yesterday, I'm gonna do a rare Saturday post today. That's dedication, folks.

Actually, it'll be only half-dedication as I'm doing a "Top 10 Google Searches to Come to The Daily Dave". This will be searches for the month of June, which is only three days old, so this make for a rather bizarre list. Here we go...

1. Kyra Phillips
2. Horse Vagina
3. Penny Marshall hits Gorilla
4. Reggie Miller Prince block video
5. Boner sitcom
6. Ted Koppel Family Guy appearance
7. Dave Rubin
8. NYC Subway
9. Horse humping
10. 10 funniest people you've never heard of

As usual, Kyra and horse vagina are up top. It seems that no matter how early we are in the month that people always are searching for those two staples. Or should I say stables?

Get it? Horses...Stables...Oh man, I'm feelin' it and I've only been awake for an hour.

Number 3 is the most interesting to me, because I don't know why someone would want to see Penny Marshall get hit by a gorilla. I guess that's what the internet is all about though, searching for things that you hope have happened.

As for the others, the Prince block on Reggie Miller refers to the Detroit Pistons' Tayshaun Prince, and not the Artist Formerly Known as Prince, who I think know is known as just Prince. It's a great block from two years ago and I highly recommend you check it out.

Boner sitcom obviously refers to the character on Growing Pains, whom I've written about a couple times, and Ted Koppel's appearance on Family guy must refer to Ted Koppel's appearance on Family Guy.

Number 10 is the most bitter sweet of all, because by searching the phrase, "10 funniest people you've never heard of", people actually came here and found me, though I wasn't included on the lsit that they were searching for. I believe it was from an article in Time Out NY a couple months back, and ironcially, even I hadn't heard of six or seven of the people. Anyway, if you came here from that, just give me a chance to make number nine on the list, I know I can do it, I know it.

Alright, time to get my Saturday in full gear. My groove in the couch is looking pretty good right now...

Worked on my calves the other day and my legs are seriously hurting tonight. Yea, I could've posted a picture of my calves instead of these soon-to-be slaughtered ones, but it's hard to take a picture if the back of your own legs. Just try it sometime.

Not too worry though, I'm stretching them plenty, even as I write this. It shouldn't affect the post, I'm trying to type less with my feet and more with my hands these days.

In new outside of my aches and pains, I have a major announcement to make. After fighting the man for years, I'm loosening up my grip on originality just a wee-bit and I've joined MySpace. Check out the madness at...

http://www.myspace.com/daverubin

Finally, after all these years, I'll be able to count all my friends electronically. Doing it with an abacus was getting a little tedious.

I promise MySpace won't affect anything related to Rubinville, hopefully it'll just bring more out-of-towners here to help the local economy.

My only request of you is that if you're on MySpace and plan on adding me please drop me a note so I know that you're a reader of The Daily Dave, and not just some psycho trying to hord in on my friends. Cuz, that's not what friends are for. Or is it?

Now excuse me, I have people to reject...