rubinville

Oprah and Letterman finally buried the hatchet yesterday. I guess now all that is left is for me to bury the hatchet with Leno. Okay, okay, Jay, call me, I'll do the show. This tension between us is getting us nowhere.

Every month I get one or two e-mails from people who want to "make it" in comedy asking me for advice. For some reason this month I've gotten a slew of those e-mails. I'm starting to think it's my parents screwing with me.

I don't know that I can give anyone advice on how to "make it", whatever that means. I can give insight into how to be a real comedian, about how to be an artist, and about how to surround yourself with some like-minded people. As for making it, umm, I uhhh, well, umm, I'd recommend buying Regis' book.

Regis must have a book, right? The man has everything. He probably has an encyclopedia.

Watching Alan Alda with Tony Danza right now. He seems like a nice guy.

A new study says that 6-10 percent of internet users are "destructively addicted." If that's the case you can just consider me your crack dealer. Whatdya need?

The Obelisk, which is a tall thin building in Buenos Aires, Argentina, was covered in a giant condom yesterday as part of World AIDS Day. If I were Chile, I'd make sure not to drop the soap anytime soon.

I'm noticiting several websites and columns lately that write things quasi-anonymously by always saying "we" instead of "I". We'll never do that here. That's our promise to you.

Actually, I find that incredibly annoying and cheap because it means that the author is afraid to put him/herself out there. I'm out there. Probably too far out there. I'm so far out there that I'm actually here.

Think about that, it's very Einsteinish.

Speaking of Einstein, I've gotta go, in a parallel universe I'm getting rather hungry...