rubinville

Hurricane Rita is on the way. Judging by this picture it seems to have some sort of electro-mangentic field around it, which I assume means that it will take over all machines and turn them against us. Please folks, for your own sake unplug all microwaves and vibrators.

Obviously, that's only applicable if you have an old-school, plug-in vibrator.

Now there's a sentence that's never been said before.

Speaking of electronic equipment turning on us, my wireless internet has gone down and now I'm wired like some sucker in 2002. Normally I write this while taking a dump, but today I'm sitting on the couch because the wire won't make it to the bathroom.

Is that true? Does he really write this while on the toilet? If so, where does he put the laptop while wiping?

Some questions are better left unanswered.

Something ain't right today, I'm writing about is vibrators and taking a dump.

Okay, let's clean this up. Oh, I got a new cell phone today, the Motorola Black Razr.

(Insert "Back in Black" by AC/DC here.)

I got quite a deal on the phone so if you need one just ask me. I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a girl who knows a guy who knows a midget who knows a fairy who knows a sorcerer who knows a cyclops who knows a guy who gets phones for wholesale.

Jennifer Aniston told Oprah that she's ready to date again. I'd have a one night stand with her, but I honestly don't know if I could date an actress. They're so needy.

Dave, you're a comedian and you're gonna call actresses needy, isn't that hypocritical? Actually no, no it's not. Comedians are wanty, not needy. There's a difference.