rubinville

(Pretend there is a picture of Snapple iced tea here, I can't get it to load at the moment.)

I love iced tea. I'll drink it anytime, anywhere, with anyone. I like it both sweetened and unsweetened. Sometimes it's all I'll drink for days on end. That being said, there was an incident yesterday, and I have to bring it up...

We currently have no air conditioning at the Comedy Company. The last few days have been dreadfully hot and equally as humid. This combination is not good for anything, much less comedy. I've sweat so much on stage over the past few days that I now have a 6-pack coming in, though I'm not sure this is the best way to get it.

Anyway, after a particularly hot and sweaty show last night, I was walking home and decided to stop in the local store and pick up a lemon iced tea Snapple. For years Snapple has been my iced tea of choice and I briefly had an affair with Wendy Kaufman, the Snapply lady, several years ago.

With sweaty pouring down my head I purchased the Snapple and briefly put it agisnt my forehead to cool off before drinking the heavenly beverage. Next, I opened the bottle, ignored the Snapple "Real Fact" underneath the cap and took my first gulp of tea.

Something was not right with my tea. It didn't taste like Snapple, or anything remotely close to Snapple. I was shocked and appauled, but I drank it anyway. It was a curious taste, not good nor bad, but one I cannot truly describe in words.

What happened at the Snapple plant? Was this the work of al-Queda? Who would taint that delicious recipe? Was Wendy Kaufman peeing in the tea? These questions and more began to run through my mind.

I doubt that I will ever know the answer to these questions, but for now on, when I drink a Snapple, I'll always wonder what happened to this specific bottle. I doubt I'll ever find out the truth, but the question alone has changed me forever.

In a strange way I have to thank Snapple. Whatever was put in that magical bottle, it has opened doors for me that I didn't even knew exist. My eyes are now open, and they can never be shut.

Today I toast to Snapple! Hazaa! Hazaa!

(Serisouly though folks, don't drink that shit, there's something wrong with the current batch. Something really, really wrong.)