rubinville

Just saw a commercial for "8 Simple Rules" on ABC. It said there is a secret so shocking that "it will upset even special guest Nicole Ritchie!"

(Insert coked-up whore joke here)

Gary Sheffield of the Yanks smacked a fan in Boston yesterday after the fan wacked him across the head while he was trying to play a ball against the right-field wall. Note where I chose to place the words "smacked" and "wack" in that sentence. Sometimes words make all the difference.

Adam Sandler's "Wedding Singer" is going to be on Broadway in 2006. I would've preferred "Billy Madison", which I saw over 300 times while stoned during my sophmore year of college.

A high-school senior in Orlando Florida bit off a classmates ear during a fight yesterday. Originally charges were filed but they were later dropped when it turned out the were in their 3rd period "How to be more like Mike Tyson" class.

How many quotes will I use in this entry? Defintely some sort of record today.

Finished up another week as a stand in for ESPN's Stump the Schwab. Television is really a great industry, basically you just stand around listening to music and then "take 5" every 10 minutes. I think you guys should start taking 5 at your jobs.

"Johnson, where is the T-500 report that you were supposed to have finished for today's meeting?"

"Umm, I uhhh, well, uhhh, hey, let's take 5!"

"Good idea Johnson"

It says something about how out of the working world I am that when I come up with a working-man bit, I can only think of the name Johnson. And on top of that the only report I could think of was the T-500, which I'm pretty sure was an older model of the Terminator.