Well, this is my last post of 2005. And seeing as I have to get ready to party tonight, it's gonna be a short one. I just want to thank all of you for coming back here to read my ramblings time and again. Somehow after seven years of doing comedy, this has, in a certain way, become the most redeeming part. I see the numbers goes up literally week by week and am now averaging about 520 unique hits a day, which, I think, is pretty good.

So long 2005, and happy New Year to all of you. Get drunk tonight, it's on me...

I've been planning on posting all morning but since I haven't been on IM for a week I'm getting slammed with a ton of messages today. I know I could just sign off, but frankly I like all the attention. I'm really weak when it comes to virtual attention.

So now that I've been to Texas I have to say that all the pictures that you see of GWB in a cowboy hat are a bit misleading. I saw about five people in cowboy hats, and two of them were working at the airport. After asking around it seems that the cowboy community in Texas is dwindiling in numbers, and most of them just wear the hats to trick us into thinking that they still are cowboys. I know, I know, just the thought of GWB tricking us into thinking something that isn't true is just unbearable. I'm truly sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings.

I didn't bump into any Bush family members but I was surprised to find that of the few people I talked politics with that most seemed very anti-Bush. I haven't seen that much anti-Bush sentiment since the 2005 Gay Pride Parade.

I hope you enjoyed the double-entrendre of the previous sentence, it was a pleasure writing it.

While I thought Texas was gonna be all cowboys and inbred hicks it really just seemed like a slightly bigger version of New Jersey. Malls where everywhere and there were so many food chains that I even saw an Applebee's inside of a Starbucks.

Yup, an Applebee's in a Starbucks. They aren't kidding when they say "everything is bigger in Texas."

Went to a fast food joint known as "Whattaburger" where a woman with no teeth gave me the biggest smile ever as she welcomed me to the fine establishment. Somehow a toothless smile can be very disarming. And a burger chewed with teeth can be quite delicious.

I was offered tickets to a Dallas Mavericks game but unfortunately because of my break-neck schedule I couldn't make it. Thanks again Mark Cuban, I owe you one.

From what I understand I didn't miss much here, and somehow they were even able to resolve the transit strike without me. I guess it just goes to show that sometimes you have to let go to really allow things to change.

Now you'll have to excuse me, I'm gonna go rassle me up some collared greens for dinner...YEE HAW!!

Got back to NYC late last night. I'll have a full report on Texas later this afternoon. I've gotta do a couple clerical things to do first like feeding the fish, hitting the gym, going to the bank and gettting my new cowboy hat fitted...

Heading to Texas for a couple days. I might check in, I might not. It really depends on if they have computers down there.

Happy Holidays...

No subway = Walking around
Winter = Cold weather
Cold Weather/Walking Around = Get Sick
Get Sick = Nyquil
Nyquil = Trippin' balls

Have a good night. I know I will.

Screw you Transit Workers Union head Roger Toussaint. I hope when they make the movie about all this that Laurence Fishburne plays you very poorly.

Very, very poorly.

Like Keanu Reeves poorly.

The transit strike is on, and while I don't want to take sides, let me say that the transit workers and their union representatives can go fuck themselves.

The starting salary for a subway conductor is $52,000, while the starting salary for a police officer is under $30,000. I'd mention the starting salary for a comedian, but I don't want to upset you anymore than you already are.

Long story short, the strike was interesting, dare I say even a little fun in the morning, but as the day wore on it got more and more tedious and people got more and more frustrated. I haven't seen so many angry people stuck in traffic since the day before we bombed Baghdad.

In other news, I just got a pair of whatever you call those things that just cover your ears from the cold. I guess you call them earmuffs, I don't know why that didn't come to me just then. You see how this strike is affecting me? It's sick.

Think I'm gonna have some soup for dinner. Not with a sandwich, just soup alone. Soup and sandwich isn't really a meal, so said Banya in one of the best episodes of Seinfeld, and here I am having just soup. I guess Banya and I don't agree on this one. We do agree however on comedy about Ovaltine. It's gold Jerry, gold!

Alright, that's it for now, I really need to relax. Think I'll just flick the channels for a few and see what comes up. If I'm lucky I'll see another commercial for "Skating with Celebrities" on Fox. That should help me unwind.

Peyton Manning and the Colts lost for the first time all season yesterday. Interestingly, I also watched the movie, "The Hand that Rocks the Cradle" on Sunday, a movie in which the main character's name is Peyton. Then the Colts lost. Coincidence? I think not.

Bush gave another speech this morning. He's like a little 7th grader who doesn't do his homework all year and then brings it all in the last week of the semester. I can relate to that.

The light in my fridge broke this morning. Where do you get a replacement for a fridge light? If I lived next door to Fred Flintstone I'd just borrow a jar of firefly's. I guess I could just get firefly's on my own, but they aren't in season right now.

Iran's President banned wastern music throught the entire country. Finally, some good news out of the Mid-East.

They're once again talking about a transit strike set to kick-in later tonight. You know it's getting serious this time, even the rats in the subway are picketing.

Yes, if you're reading this Jay Leno, you can use that tonight.

I'll probably be going to a holiday party at one of NYC's many comedy clubs tonight. It's the way the clubs give back to us for stealing our souls and dignity. Warm beer and cold pizza go a long way for hungry comics.

Mmm, warm beer and cold pizza. It's like college, but with less cool people...