Calm down, calm down, I'm back. And not only am I back, but back with information of another Ben Stiller movie, this one brilliantly titled, "Meet the Little Focker." I kid you not. Don't ask how I got this information, just know that I lost two men during the mission. Good men, too.
I'm still pissed about my missing YouTube post. If you can't trust a giant file-sharing website owner by a huge corporate monolith, then who can you trust?
Bought Cocoa Pebbles last night for the first time in three or four years. Truly delicious. Fruity Pebbles, on the other hand, are disgusting.
Believe it or not, I did a videoblog yesterday but YouTube seems to have eaten it. Damn shame, too, cuz it was particularly funny. I might try to re-do it, but some thing are better left in the vast, mysterious space know as the internet...
The State of the Union is tonight, which has led every journalist in America to label George "a lame duck president." Frankly, I think it's an insult to ducks everywhere, including my personal favorite, Daffy. I know some people would go with Donald but I could never understand what the hell he was talking about, and I guess I identify with Daffy never getting any respect.
We'll see what George says tonight, but you know it'll just be same old same old. For fun try to count the wrinkles in his forehead while he is talking. If you look close enough you can see them actually multiplying when he gets confused.
Hey, look at me, a whole post without YouTube. Well, not a long, concentrated post, but a post nontheless...
Until tonight, I've watched about 10 minutes of American Idol. And even tonight, I was only temporarily stopping on Fox during a commercial in the Nets-Bobcats game. That being said, I've spent the last twenty minutes laughing, cringing and wondering why I didn't try out for this freak show. These two indian kids that just passed are so gonna end up in some sort of murder-suicide thing. You heard it here first.
I'd write more but they are about to move on to day two in Seattle and I have to go find my Game Boy...
I needed one more peice of inspiration and I just found it. If you've ever seen me dance, now you'll officially know where I get my moves, though it should've been pretty obvious...
Alright, so I'm feeling inspiration again thanks to Clyde. Then, last night, just as the inspiration was simmering, Betty White was on The Tonight Show. Despite Jay Leno's ability to suck the funny out of people, Betty was hilarious. I hope that when I'm in my eighties I'll be nearly that funny, witty, or mobile. I couldn't find a clip of it, so here's Betty doing the Comedy Central Roast of William Shatner. The best part of this is that not only is she better than everyone else on there, but they are all reading their jokes and she goes up with nothing. Always nice to see a true professional...
Okay, so Clyde first, now Betty White. I think one more bit of inspiration and my comeback will be complete...
I've made myself a little nauseous with all this game show host talk and felt that I needed some inspiration. Where does one go for inspiration in the year 2007? YouTube, of course. As I've mentioned on here before, Clyde Drexler was my hero growing up. This video has me fired up to focus in on my dream again.
That dream, of course, being to play in the NBA...
Howie Mandel ain't the only big-shot game show host out there. In case you haven't heard, the man that is more defined by "game show host" than anyone else, Bob Barker, is retiring after this season of The Price is Right. As game shows are now the hottest thing in TV, and there aren't many other places for comedians to go, hosting The Price is Right would surely be a great gig. After a little reasearch though, it turns out that his replacement has already been selected, it's CBS weatherman Dave Price. I guess you could say that The Price is Right for Price.
I'm sure I'm the first person to think of that brilliant play on words.
All this game show talk got me thinking about something from my early days doing stand up. I remember meeting a comedian whom will remain nameless (unless he reads this and wants to be named), who always told everyone he wanted to be a game show host. Something about that really bothered me, because I felt that being a comic should be its own reward. (Lord, I was so young and stupid.) Life does come around to smack ya in the ass though, because after eight years of this I'd take a game show in a second. Not only would I take it in a second, but I'd take it for half the pay and to sweeten the deal I'd even do my own makeup.
Okay, so now I've put that out there. Let the offers roll in.
Alright, I gotta go check out what that gas smell in downtown Manhattan is. I'll start at the bean factory...
Howie Mandel (pictured here before his shiney, Daddy Warbucks look), should be a happy man today. It turns out that "Deal or No Deal" was the highest rated show on television last week.
That settles it, I'm officialy open to becoming a game show host. I suppose that the writing has been on the wall for a long time...
I did a show downtown last night where 50 comedians all told their first joke. While I'll spare you my first joke, the night was really bizarre for me. In the couple of years since the clubs that I ran no-longer exist, I've lost touch with several comedians while others have dropped out of the biz altogether. So, last night, out of the 50 comics, I knew maybe 6 of them. For a brief moment, I got nostalgic for those long summer days when the other comics and I would hang out by the lake, playing on the tire we hung from the old oak tree. We'd drink lemonade and chew on sasparilla while telling stories of the old south. Gosh darn, I miss those days.
Pat Robertson, who gets more phone calls from god than anyone else, said that there is going to be a major attack on America sometimes this year, after September. That's so weird, cuz god left me a voice-mail the other day and said he was taking the year off. I think Pat may have god and the devil confused for one another.
I might have more later I just wanted to get something up while some people were still at work. It's my way of helping the economy...
First off, if you haven't seen Rocky Balboa yet, go see it. Sure it's cheesy, and Stallone's eyebrows are a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma, but somehow the inspiration part shines through. Actually, not only does the inspiration come through, but also the viens in his arms, which appear to be in 3-D.
Soooooooooo, as you could tell I needed to end the year on a lil break from Rubinville. My sporadic, at best, posting of the final month was a prelude to my absence, when suddenly I just couldn't pull myself to the computer. Even my visits to ESPN.com and Drudge Report sharply dropped. I'm sure that will be profoundly reflected in their ad sales this month.
I needed the time off for a couple reasons, some of them being holiday related, some career related, some finanance related, and some existentially related. However, I have settled some of those things (let's just say exisistential things are easier to knock out than financial ones), so I'm back in action.
Career-wise, the year ended on with the simulataneous up and down motion that comedy will do to ya. In pretty much every way I'm doing the best, truest, most honest stuff I've ever done, but I'm mainly working in the sorts of little rooms that are popping up all over NYC. Sometimes it seems like I'm running in circles, but as Rocky says in the new movie (I'm paraphasing here), "It's not how many times you get knocked down, it's how many times you can make a sequel until one works."
That being said, my new years resolution is to get on Letterman by the end of 2007. I'm ready, willing and able, which interestingly is also the slogan for the Doe Fund, a project here in NY that allows former convicts to get back into the work force. Point being, if Letterman doesn't happen by the end of the year, I can get a job with those people, at least.
Let's see, what else? Oh ya, if you texted me "Happy New Years" on New Years and I didn't respond it's because I don't like being added to some random list of people who then get the honor of you sending us all one generic message. Let's personalize things for 2008, k?
Speaking of New Years, can you be hungover from something two days later? My hair still smells like beer which is particularly strange considering I was drinking Vodka all night.
Alright, so that's it for now. Tommorrow will bring the hilarity you've become accustomed to, and maybe some newly discovered, freshly minted hilarity that I've been toying around with...
