Right now I'm standing on the corner of 79th and Broadway while on the internet through the new Verizon wireless internet service. See, while I am a hugely successfulcomedian, with more money than I could ever spend in this lifetime, I still like to work during the day doing nonsensical promotions for giant telecommunication companies. Yup,thats just what I like to do.

I've officially decided to drink alcohol whenever I spend more than 2 consecutives hours with my family. This new policy officially went into affect at dinner last night.

Phenomonal shows this week at the ComedyWorks. Warren hosted the late show on Saturday, did an awesome job. The amount of people that stayed after the show just to meet us was pretty amazing.

Ok, I'm gonna ask Bob Juergens to say something funny right now let's see what he comes up with...

"Perpetrating segundas"

That's what he said. I'm not sure what that means but I'll cut him some slack, comedians usually aren't as funny in the daytime.

Ok keep up the good folks. Drink a lot of water, it's hot out there.

Heatwave 2003 continues here in NYC. I think I've dropped about 15 pounds of sweat in the last few days, which, if it continues at this rate, could lead to me becoming just a pile of clothes by mid to late next week.

It was my birthday yesterday so all the comics took me out which ended in a big drunken mess. Mike Tsirklin bought shots for everyone of some unnamed alcohol which everyone is paying the price for today. Come to think of it, I never saw him actually buy the shots, I wonder if he just brewed that stuff himself. I'll have to do some research.

There is a guy in our bathroom right now trying to fix the sink thats been clogged up. I just heard a big crash and then the sound of glass shattering. I wonder if I should go see if he is okay.

Nah.

I have some bad news to report. There has been a death in the fishtank. Goldfish #2 is no more. Investigators are still trying to find out the cause of death but I think it may have been due to his long depression. Services will be held this Saturday at Temple Emanuel in Great Neck, Long Island. Donations can be made to the following address:

The Small Goldfish Family
32 Gravel Lane
Underwater, Fishtank 10024

A tree will be planted in a fishtank in the Holy Land for every donation made.

We'll all miss you Goldfish #2, send my best to Old Bluey.

Hmm, I'm not really in the mood to write about the world of comedy today, lets see, what else is there?

I'm playing Grand Theft Auto - Vice City on Playstion 2. I'm not sure what the point of the game is but I've been beating up hookers and driving over old people all day long. Pretty cool, right? My friend Lenny lent (thats kinda funny - Lenny lent) me the game Bounty Hunter, where you play Jango Fett on some missions between Stars Wars Episodes I and II. I'd say that Boba Fett was my favorite character from Star Wars which is probably why I moonlight as a bounty hunter myself.

A couple comics have said to me that I shoukd think about retracting all my anti Leno/NBC thoughts that I write on this thing. After reviewing the evidence I stand by everything I've said, and in some cases you can double the hosticility and triple the annoyance.

I just saw the Muppets Take Manhattan the other day. Great movie. I just find it hard to believe that the guy who owned the diner would hire rats to cook the food. That's got to be some kind of health violation, don't you think?

One of my goldfish is looking kind of sick these days. He's just been laying low by the gravel pile. I wonder if he knows his days are numbered. They say fish only have 6 second memories, so I guess that doesn't give him too much time to write up his last rites.

Deep stuff today, right?

So people keep asking me what I think of NBC's new reality show "Last Comic Standing". I guess because I'm a comedian I should have some passionate feelings about the show, so, for the record here are my feelings...

I haven't seen the show, but I'm sure it sucks. Putting comedians in a reality show is exactly the opposite of what any real comedian should be doing, seeing as the reason so many comics can't get on TV these says is because of these reality shows in the first place. Screw NBC.

NBA Finals are now 2-2. I'm still sticking with my 4-2 Nets prediction. My friends have been telling me I play like Kerry Kittles, I'm not sure how to take that.

I'm thinking about making some tuna right now but my hand is kind of aching from excessive Playstation 2 and I'm not sure I'll be able to use the can opener properly.

I think I'll go with a turkey sandwich instead. Isn't that exciting? That's it for now.

Well, I finally moved into my new place last weekend. It's looking pretty good so far and I'm a little closer to where Seinfeld took place, so I'm feeling quite comedic these days. Now I just have to find a neighbor who has crazy hair and swings the door open to massive applause whenever he enters.

I bought a 12 gallon fishtank the other day, which is a massive step up from my previous 3 gallon one. We've got s bunc hof different goldfish in there, and so far there have been no reported deaths or drownings. Seeing the new tank set up reminded me of Old Bluey, my Japanese Fighting Fish, who passed on just about a year ago. Old Bluey was a good fish despite the fact that the other fish in the tank, particularly the Neons, barely ever swam with him. I miss ya buddy.

ComedyWorks continues to go strong. We were without Adam Hunter for the past couple days, as he was off to LA to for some spots at the Improv. I spoke to him briefly this morning and it sounds like it went well. I'd guess the sitcom deal should be knocked out in a day or two, I'll keep you posted.

The quality of comedy has contunutely gotten better in the less than two months that we've been running the club. I really don't think there is another club in NYC, or probably the whole country that has a better, more committed group of comics working hard to make things happen for themselves and each other. We don't have any of the ridiculous bullshit politics of the main clubs, and the atmosphere is amazing because we all are actually friends with each other. Anytime I need some inspiration someone does something on stage to give it to me. Lately, its been Bob Jergins who is in an unbelievable zone. He's even cutting down on the fart jokes, which, im told, is a good thing.

Nets are down 1-0 in the finals, but I'm sticking to my 4-2 Nets win. Nutty, I tell ya, nutty.