rubinville

So the NHL cancelled their season today. Now, I know that many people come to Rubinville for a bit of light-hearted funny during an otherwise excrutiatingly painful work day, but I have to be serious in my comments about this whole lockout thing.

As a comedian, I've spent about 6 years handing out flyers on the street 5 or 6 nights a week in order to get on stage. This often includes little to no money and we do this regardless of weather or if it is even sane to do so. Some of the comics that I "bark" with (barking is our term for handing out flyers, since we're basically dogs out on the streets), are the most dedicated, hardworking, and clearly insane people that I know.

But, whether we're all nuts, or we're all dreamers, or we're all nutty dreamers, you have to love comedy to stand on a street corner in sub-zero temperatures and hand out flyers. And you know what, if tommorrow they said to me that when we bark there are gong to be snipers out of the rooftops of Times Square who will be aiming to kill us, well, I'd still bark. And if then they told me that there would be snipers shooting at us while wild elephants tried to trample us down, well, I'd still bark. And if they said that while the snipers and the elephants were out there that they'd be playing the Jay Leno monologue through loudspeakers, well, I'd still bark.

So that's how much I love comedy. And when these multi-millionaires are fighting over money with other multi-millionaires to PLAY A PROFESSIONAL SPORT, well, then they all just suck.

I wish I could've ended that sentence with something more biting that "they just all suck", but they really, really do. And not the good kind of suck.

Finaly thought on this. I don't like hockey. I never watch hockey or go to hockey games. I change the channel when hockey highlights are on Sportscenter. I don't even like people who like hockey. I do, however, have a thing for being passionate about what you love.

In other news, I took a walk to Central Park today to see "The Gates" that everyone is talking about. These are the big orange flag type things that some French artists put up in the park at a cost of 22 million dollars. As I walked through them I wanted to have some sort of feeling one way or another about how I felt, but I really felt absolutely nothing towards them. Then, remembering they were French, I decided I didn't like them.

Oh, Dave, you ask, why still hate on the french? It's so passe. Good point, I say. But the real question is, did I even spell passe correctly?

Since many of you are probably wondering how my Valentine's Day went, I will say the following. McDonald's is even more depressing on Valentine's Day than on any given Wednesday.

Yes, that is true, and please don't ask for more info.

Ashley Olsen is suing the National Enquirer for 40 million dollars for spreaidn what she calls false lies about her being involved in a drug scandal. I don't know if that's true or not but I banged her last night while she did cocaine off her sister's asscrack.

Little know fact about me, Jackie Mason's brother performed my circumcision. No, that isn't a joke. That's gotta be weird for the parents. I mean one son is a comedian and one a guy who chops penises. Makes you wonder something, I'm just not sure what.

Can someone please explain to me the logic behind Kirstie Alley being the spokeswoman for the new Jenny Craig ads? She's fat. Am I missing something here? Have they just given up altogether?

Yea you know what ladies, you're just fat so you might as well get used to it, Kirstie Alley sure has.

I've suffered back to back blowout loses in basketball this week. Tonight I scored 21 and we lost by about 35. That's what we in the biz call an "Antoine Walker"

Doing the Joey Reynolds radio show tonight at 2 am, you can listen live on 710 am in NYC or online at www.wor710.com/listen. Yup, that's right, 2 am, also known as the furthest thing possible from primetime.