Looks like Mr. Bush is getting ready for is post-presidency job. I think the tucked-in shirt is unnecessary, but I respect his work ethic.

That's all for today, it's too nice to be inside typing and I hear that there is an oil-exec at Starbucks on 81st. This is a job for Oilio...

Exxon just posted an 8 BILLION dollar THREE-MONTH profit. Allow me to write out 8 BILLION as to show you the ridiculousness of the number...

Eight, Zero Zero Zero, Zero Zero Zero, Zero Zero Zero.

I'm sure every paper in the country will write editorials about this story, but let me be the first to say it's time to revolt. I'm talking about a full-scale, burning shit in the street, pretending we were offended by a Mohammed cartoon, balls-out revolt. Oil execs, like that Jabba the Hutt-look-alike that I posted a pic of last week, are literally ruining this country and nobody is stopping them. Their constant greed and lack of any moral compass must be punished.

We need a hero...

By day, Dave was a mild-mannered comedian.

By night, he was America's only Superhero devoted to eliminating evil oil-execs one at a time.

He was known as Oilio.

Okay, I need a better name, but I'm seriously considering this. Sidekick applications now being accepted...

I just got back from an audition for a desk-based internet news show. It went pretty well, although I�ve learned not to hold my breath or I�ll just end up with massive brain damage. Anyway, they brought us into a room ten at a time and then we read from some cue cards. After we finished they asked us if we read blogs. The guy sitting next to me turned to the girl on the other side of him and said, �What are blogs?� She paused for a second and said, �They�re like these internet things.�

That�s a word for word account, directly transcribed into my notebook.

I found it interesting, because first of all, does anyone in their 20�s not know what a blog is? I�m sure plenty of people don�t read them, but it seems like you should at least know of them. More interestingly though, was her response, because she clearly knew what blogs were and somehow was afraid to tell the guy because it might give him a leg up in the audition. Priceless stuff, truly.

To top it all off he was black and she was asain. Somehow I doubt it would�ve been the two of them slugging it out as the finalists.

That�s not to say a black guy or an asian girl couldn�t have been selected. I�m just saying I just doubt that these specific two would�ve been the finalists. They�re just too far apart on the diversity scale to be the final two people. Isn�t the exact opposite of a black guy an asian girl? I think I read that in Stuff Magazine. Or was it Newsweek? No, no, I think it was Black Tail Magazine.

Oh, who am I kidding? Neither one of them had a chance, anyway. Everyone knows that white people are by far the best cue card readers.

On the way to the audition I bumped into the only person on the planet Earth that I truly hate. I�ve got plenty of people I dislike, but I truly despise this vile piece of dung. For some reason though, I shook his hand when he put it out to shake mine. I should�ve left him just hanging there, but I didn�t, and now I feel gross from the whole interaction. Damn those four years I took at the Canterbury Manners Institute of Oxford.

Well, there�s always next time. You live and learn.

(FYI, the picture above is of the TORE desk at Ikea, which retails for $169.00. It�s not quite a news desk, but it�s a pretty good deal.)

I'll be damned, there is actually a thousand dollar bill. However, there is absolutely no truth to the Trillion dollar bill that Mr. Burns was supposed to deliver to the Europeans to aid in the reconstruction after WWII. It's still a great episode, just one with a factual error.

I mention the 1,000 dollar bill because The Daily Dave hit 1,000 unique visitors each and everyday last week. We've had the occasional 1,000 hit day here and there, but last week we hit it everyday, which seems like some kind of milestone in the world of blogging.

As I've mentioned before, checking the number of people who come here, and from where, is an important part of writing this. If I didn't know that people were reading I could just as easily keep this all in my notebook only to have it sold to pay off my debts after my untimely death 30 years from now.

(Unfortunately, I have a sneaking suspicion that I'll be murdered by poweful oil-industry executives sometimes in the 2030's.)

Anyways, good things are on the horizon, so stay tuned. Actually, sit right there. Or, you know what, don't move at all. Stay perfectly still. Just refresh the screen every few minutes in hopes that I've updated. That'll be the best way to stay abreast of everything.

I've had a couple people ask me about doing a guest column recently, one of them being the infamous Real Sherman. I'm considering it, but they always say that a comedian shouldn't ever hand the mic to someone in the crowd. I wonder what they say about doing it virtually. Thoughts?

Congrats to my college pal, Ed, who had a baby girl over the weekend. I'm pretty sure his wife had something to do with it too, so congrats to her as well.

Do I owe anyone else a congrats for something that they've accomplished lately? Don't be shy folks, you know you've done some good stuff recently, stand up and have yourself counted...

Another day, another bombing, this time in Egypt. This one was in the resort town of Dahab, which I actually visited about 8 years ago. The beach-side town is known for it's lax restrictions on drugs, marijuana specifically, and thus it brings in quite an eclectic mix of people. My few days there were spent sitting on the beach, eating lots of hummus and smoking the funny stuff. I mention this because if you ever need proof that marijuana should be legalized, Dahab would be the place to go. There are Arabs, Israelis, Americans and Europeans kicking back, all enjoying the weather, the water and the weed. It's a great example of co-existence, something we see so rarely these days.

Now some terrorists went and blew up the place. I'm really loosing my patience with the al-Queda motherfuckers.

As long as I'm on al-Queda, how about that new audio tape from Osama? Isn't it about time he started podcasting instead of dropping off shoddy audio tapes to al-Jazeera? I mean I'd love to add him to my RSS feed and then just download his stuff whenever I sync up my iPod. It'd be so much easier that way.

No, I don't have an iPod, I have a Dell mini-Jukebox, but it's just a lot cooler to say iPod.

Okay, okay, I don't even know what an RSS feed is, either. Damn, you're good.

The Nets lost the first game of the playoffs yesterday despite the fact that I've been raving about them for weeks. It's almost as if they don't even read this stuff. Unreal.

Anyone else with a Plasma TV concerned that you're gonna have irreversible burn-in on the screen from the scores of NBA playoff games? For those of you not into the NBA, feel free to replace the NBA with NHL, MLB, or whatever you're into, including porn. I'm pretty sure you can get tit-burn-in if you watch too much of that stuff.

Ha, tit-burn-in, I just made myself chuckle...

I haven't posted a personal picture of myself on here in, well, ever. So, to prove I was in Jersey with the old-time buds, here is a pic. Yea, it doesn't quite prove that I was in Jersey, but why do I keep trying to prove that? I was there, we all just have to accept it.

Yes, that's me in the red shirt. And no, it's not pink, it's red. I wouldn't wear no pink shirt. If I have to say that again heads are gonna roll.

Maybe this will start a trend of personal pictures of me and my cohorts on The Daily Dave. Or maybe it'll start a trend of people wearing pink...uhh, I mean, red, yea red, shirts...

In Jersey today with my two old-time elemetary school friends, Jon and Ari. The picture above pretty much resembles us, except that none of us has the unkempt hair that Larry does. You should've seen the fiasco that occured when we were trying to paint the basement a few minutes ago. I stepped in a bucket, Jon knocked over a ladder and Ari spontaneously combusted. It's amazing the hijinks that happen when old friends get together.

Anyway, I promised I'd come back, so here I am, but I gotta go because Jon is about to fire up the old 8-bit Nintendo and I should start stretching my fingers...

The lack of post yesterday was due to the weather which caused "a beautiful day in the neighborhood." I couldn't help but be romaning outside, people watching and enjoying the day.

While it's equally as nice out today, I promise to take my shoes off later and write a solid, humorful, well-thought-out post. In the meantime, check out yesterday's comments for a new Daily Dave theme song, as well as some thanks from the NYPD Commissioner.

Oh, and as long as I'm on a Mr. Roger kick, I'll tell you that I used to have nightmares about that woman who lived in the carousel. Anyone else freaked-out by her?