Been a long day but I want to get something up so it's time for the Top Ten Google Search Phrases that bring people to The Daily Dave...

1. Dave Rubin
2. Kyra Phillips
3. David Rubin
4. Dan Abrams Toupee
5. Horse Vagina
6. Horse Penis
7. Joanna Kearns
8. Ikky Shuffle
9. Darin Kagin
10. Felecia Rashaad

First off, let me say that I'm fairly certain that those ten things have never been put in a list together. Secondly, what an honor it is for me, Dave Rubin, to finally make number 1 on my own top ten list. I've long trailed Kyra Phillips and Horse Vagina, but I've finally had my day. Interestingly Woody Paige, who made a huge jump last time I did a Top Ten dropped to 16th. What's up Woodrow?

In case you haven't figured it out, the man in the picture above is MSNBC's Dan Abrams. Apparently, I'm not the only one out there wondering what it is on his head. Unfortunately for him nobody seems to care what's in his head.

Take that cable news channel that nobody watches!

On a semi-sorta-kinda serious note, I want to thank all of you that keep coming back here to read this stuff. The hits have gone up every month this year with huge increases the last two months. I'm just trying to put funny/interesting stuff out there, and it's nice to see that it's spreading around.

Don't worry, that's it for the thank-you's. Except for a personal thank you to Starscream for never giving up his dream of being the leader of the Decepticons. You taught me never to give up my dreams either and I can never thank you enough for that. One day I know that I'll finally accomplish my dream of destroying the Autobots and ruling the world forever. It'll be in large part because of you, pal.

Hey, cut me some slask it's been months since a Transformers reference.

In other news, GWB gave a big speech about the war today. I'll tell ya, he's really getting better at this teleprompter thing. For a moment I thought he was reading off old fashioned cue-cards, that's how much he's improved.

CNN.com had a headline today that reads, "Will your BlackBerry be shut down?" I didn't even know I had a BlackBerry. I better make a call. Can I even make a call on a device I'm not sure I have? This is all very philosophic. I need answers ASAP. CNN.com, refresh your headlines for god's sake, I don't know what to do!

We'll get to Circuiy City in a moment, here's just a couple other things first...

This morning on Sportscenter, Stuart Scott previewed the Nets-Lakers game by saying, "How things almost got mad ugly on the court Sunday night." Stuart, you are a main reason I have to keep the remote control in my hand when I watch ESPN these days.

The CNN crawler this morning said something about how a star of MTV's "Laguna Beach" called off his engagement. This is why the terrorists hate us, folks.

A headline on Reuters news service today reads, "Study - Longer needles needed for fatter buttocks." Well I'll be damned.

Okay, now to Circuit City. I went there on Friday with the idea of making a purchase. That's usually why I go to stores and it was no different on this day. In I went to look at the electronic device, (I'd tell you which one more specifically but I can't have you knowing too much about me), only to find it for 850 dollars more expensive than the exact same model I had just seen at PC Richard's. Being the keen shopper I am I went up to a salesman and asked him about the Circuit City policy of matching prices and then giving you 10 percent of the difference.

Before I continue, let me mention that I am using the word "salesman" in the loosest sense of the word. He was no more than 23 or 24, had his shirt untucked and had incredibly bad breath. He also had body language which seemed to say, "I don't work on commission so don't make this difficult for me, okay?" Anyway, I asked him if he would match the price and do the 10 percent and he said that I needed to show it to him in writing. I told him that I didn't have it in writing but if he would call the store I'm sure they could verify it. He then told me that he knew that PC Richard didn't have it in stock. I asked him to call anyway since I had just been there and knew that they did have it, and he finally agreed to do so. Knowing he wouldn't be able to make the final decision on this matter what I asked to speak to a manager. He rolled his eyes and then told me that the manager was on his lunch break and that I should not disturb him. Being the crazy mo-fo that I am, I chose to disturb.

He sent me to customer service to have the manager paged. I stood there for a few minutes while the girl behind the counter stared at me while rudely talking to someone on the phone. Finally, she asked me what I wanted and I told her I wanted the manager paged. She too rolled her eyes, as if I was asking to have a sit down with Tony Soprano, but then did page him. I waited there another 10 minutes or so and then he showed up, with the "salesman" right behind him.

He told me that they called over to PC Richard and that they didn't have it in stock. I told him that I knew they did but I would gladly buy it at Circuit City if he would just match the price and give me the 10 percent of the difference just as their ads claim. Instead he said that he would knock off 400 bucks of their price. I found that pretty interesting since a moment ago he had claimed PC Richard didn't even have it. He had major attitude the whole time and when I told him that was still about 450 dollars more expensive he told me to go buy it at PC Richard.

So anyway, I'm sitting here watching my new electronic device from PC Richard. Oh, I shouldn't have said "watching" there, damnit, now you know. The people at PC Richard seemed knowledgable and friendly AND had the better price by 850 bucks. The people at Circuit City were all about attitude and seemingly couldn't care less whether I purchased something their or not. The first guy's bad breath and the manager's indifference just added to the whole thing.

So, while I'm not gonna send a letter to Circuit City, I'll just hope that a couple of you don't shop there this season and instead go to PC Richard or anywhere else after hearing about my experience. Crazy Eddie is hiding somewhere in Europe on tax evasion charges, but I'm sure he has a website.

The whole thing rings with a little irony when you hear the Circuit City slogan, "Just what I needed." In this case it was actually the complete reverse.

I'll be back with more jokes from the headlines tommorrow. Unless the Circuit City people put a contract out on me, which I wouldn't put past them, except they really are indifferent about their business so I'm not too worried.

Pat Morita, better known as Mr. Miyagi, passed away this weekend. Karate Kid is one of the great movies of the 80's in part because of Miyagi's "Wax on, wax off" speech. Tell me you don't say that to yourself when you wax your '84 Camaro.

So long Mr. Miyagi. Daniel-san wasn't the only one you taught a thing or two too.

Just bought a fresh pineapple which I intend on eating right after this posting. Someone told me you can grill pineapple and serve is as a sidedish, does anyone know anything about that?

I had an incident at Circuit City on Friday that left my vowing to never go back there. Customer service is dying right in front of our eyes folks. I'll give a detailed description of the event tommorrow because I first need to rehash the whole thing in my brain before I write it out.

Thanksgiving was very pleasant. Family was well-behaved and in good-spirits. I know you shouldn't cover the turkey in a Prozac glaze, but you can't argue with the results.

Watched the movie "Flight of the Phoenix" yesterday. It's a very average "I don't want to get up from the couch on a Saturday" type of movie.

Hmm, I'd like to see that quote in a movie commercial instead of the standard bull that we are normally fed from critics and magazines and websites that we've never heard of. Not every movie is "Fascinating" and "Ground-Breaking." Some are just "Pandering" and "Helping You
Pass The Time Until You Die."

Circuit City story coming tommorrow. If you must buy something electronic before then I know this crazy guy named Eddie who will gladly slash prices for you...

X-Box 360 is out as of today, which means I'm officially one generation behind the video game console market. I don't really feel like I'm from another generation but I know I am. Just yesterday I was about to sit on the couch and I pulled my pants up just a wee-bit from right above the knees. Once you do that you are officially no longer the current generation. That and having an old-video game system are pretty much the two big signs of aging.

Ted Koppel is leaving "Nightline" after 25 years of anchoring the program. Don't worry if you're a die-hard fan of Koppel, his toupee will continue to host the show until a suitable replacement has been found.

Yes, that was hacky, but I got to it before the late-night talk shows. Take that people that make way more money than I do!

On Foxnews.com they have a headline under "The O'Reilly Factor" that says, "Do we need to protect Chistmas?" Hmm. Good question. I'd say just put a force field around it and let see what happens.

My mom keeps calling me to tell me to get a flu shot. I suppose that's what you get when you admit to your mom that you sleep with chickens, ducks, and various other birds.

Getting ready for Thanksgiving. I've begun the medication and drinking, now I just need the Turkey and the other medications.

I'm considering an early posting tommorrow, like the good old days of just a few weeks ago. Yea, you see, in my generation we got up early and posted to our blogs, not like the kids these days with their all night partying and their myspace's and friendstereses.

Now you'll have to excuse me I'm gonna have my Metamucil and hit the sack.

The world's largest aquarium opened today in Atlanta, Georgia. Wouldn't it be funny to have a movie where Jim Carrey inherits an aquarium and all sorts of crazy hijinks ensue?

Oh wait, that was the movie that Albert Brooks' character was writing in the movie "The Muse."

And that's the first time anyone has ever mentioned that movie in a blog. Though it is a fine movie, it isn't his best work. If you want to see a better Albert Brooks movie I'd recommend "Mother" or "Defending Your Life."

Feeling really inspired the last couple days but still unsure of how to focus the energy. Anyone have a Inspired Energy Focuser I can borrow?

Oprah is gonna do Letterman after years of him begging. Just goes to show that persistence works. Well, persistence and the need of the other person to promote their upcoming Broadway show.

I'm very half-assedly watching "Medium" on NBC in 3-D. Maybe it's cuz I don't have 3-D glasses, but this sucks.

Hmm, half-asses, 3-D glasses and sucking, that gives me an idea. I gotta call the people in research and development...

Soundwave just made a guest appearance on Family Guy. Within minutes I had received three text messages and one phone call.

The phone call was from Starscream who had coincidentally gotten locked out of his apartment and needed to pick up the set of keys he leaves here.

I'd write more but I have to get the Energon Cubes out of the oven before he gets here. Nobody likes burnt Energon...

According to a new study in the New England Journal of Medicine, Viagra may be useful for serious lung disease in men. The study fails to mention that Viagra can cause serious lung damage to women.

Pretty sure that's my first ever Viagra joke here in The Daily Dave. And that includes the big Viagra joke-boom of 2000.

Saw the X-Box 360 in action yesterday at Best Buy. It looks like a lot of fun and yet all I left the store with was Norton Antivirus 2005. That says a lot about the state of my life.

Have you seen the commercials for the new Dennis Quade/Renee Russo movie where they have way more kids than they can handle? I can't wait to see that one.

Family Guy in 6 minutes. Must prepare plate of cookies. Goodbye.

First off, thanks to everyone who came to the show at Stand Up NY last night. The show was completely sold-out and pretty damn good, if I do say so myself. It's also nice actually hearing your laughs instead of getting e-mails about them.

The highlight of the show was probably when I said to a white-haired woman sitting in the front row, "Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Bea Arthur!" The crowd first laughed, then felt weird because she clearly was offended by the comment. Little does she know how often I find a way of writing about Bea here in The Daily Dave. You just can't pay a woman a compliment anymore, I guess.

That situation was coupled with the fact I had already gotten into it with a jack-ass in the front row who refused to face the stage. He also wouldn't remove his feet from the stage, which made for a very odd situation. The whole thing was real and funny and crazy, just the way I like it. In a moment of passion a man even threw a lemon at me, though he missed badly. I got all kinds of interesting compliments after the show, my favorite being from a girl who came up to me and said, "I'm so sorry about what happened, you were was hilarious!"

It'll never cease to amaze me how people think that anything a comedian does serves any other purpose than to be funny. I guess that's the smoke and mirrors part of the whole thing, and I probably shouldn't have just said it aloud. Forget I even mentioned it. Here, look into this light for a second while I put on my dark black sunglasses...

(FLASH!)

Today is the one year anniversary of the big NBA brawl. The NBA is commemorating the event at halftime of tonight's Pacers-Pistons game by having Ben Wallace and Ron Artest square-off in a steel cage match.

CNN.com has a headline that reads, "Did South Park go too far in mocking Tom Cruise?" I don't know what they did, but the anwer is a definitive "No."

Tuna or tuna for lunch today? Hmm, I'm thinking tuna.