I was looking around the net when I came across this headline on Yahoo...

"Simpson sought therapy over marriage rumors"

I swear that my first though was Homer and Marge. 18 years of dysfunction had finally come to a head.

Thank god it was just the ficticious couple of Nick and Jessica Simpson.

I gotta run out, but I'll check in later. This CIA leak thing is killing me...

No, that's not a shot of last night's Lakers/Celtics game. It's a screen capture from NBA Live 95 on Sega Genesis. Sorry for pulling the old switcharoo on you.

The NBA season begins tonight and my prediction is that there will be 4 race riots, 3 rapes, 1 murder and a handful of guys who are suspended for wearing t-shirts on the team plane.

The t-shirt guys will deservedly get the longest suspensions.

As I'm sure you've noted, this is my second consecutive late posting. I'm sure you are wondering what's going on with me, but for national security reasons I cannot say.

Okay, okay, real quick, I'm involved in the CIA leak investigation. I once had lunch with Marla Maples, Scooter Libby and Tom Arnold. Oh no, I've said too much.

Speaking of CIA leak, screw Trent Lott for questioning whether Karl Rove should resign or not. I like my good guys good and my bad guys bad. I simply can't have crossover in this regard. That'd be like Soundwave suddenly saying he's gonna spin some tunes for the Autobots.

Australian authorities are looking into a specific terror threat for their country. Picking up on a tip from the New York Police Department, they will be randomly searching kangaroo pouches when they enter the subway.

Apple has sold a million videos for the video iPod in just twenty days. Conversely, they've sold only one video iPod made of real apples in the three months that they've been on the market.

Damn that Granny Smith iPod I bought. It was rotting before I got even half way through Leo Sayer's Greatest Hits.

Anyone else watching Boston Legal? I've caught a couple episodes that I'm enjoying. And it's not only because Betty White made a couple guest appearances.

However, lemme say that she's still got the magic.

Speaking of magic, think of a card, any card.

I'll tell you your card tommorrow.

Theo Epstein is leaving the Red Sox. Everyone is saying it's because of money, but my insiders tell me it's because he likes Krispy Kreme more than Dunkin Donuts.

I find it hard to sympathize with anyone making millions of dollars to do anything. I can't even sympathize with anyone making a million lira. Take that Mario and Luigi!

Mario and Luigi were the plumbers who said they could unclog my toilet in under and hour for a million lira (20 US dollars), but then left without finishing the job. They claimed that they had to save some princess and I haven't heard from them since. I guess that's what you get when you find your plumber from the Nintendo Yellow Pages.

Don't even ask me about the time Donkey Kong came over to fix my leaky barrel.

Bush picked a new Supreme Court nominee, but I haven't had a chance to read about his record and make-up ridiculous statements yet, so give me another day on this one. I like to have my facts sideways before I make my opinions known.

I'm going to be heading downtown to the big Haloween parade tonight. It's really quite a scene down there with all the freaks, the ghouls, the misfits and the oddballs. And then there's all the people who get into costume.

Oh, the Stewie Griffin DVD was excellent as I assumed it would be. Lotsa funny stuff, some edgier than they get away with on TV, and they already get away with more than any other comedy out there. I'd give it two thumbs up.

Two thumbs up? Dave, you stole that from Siskel, err, Ebert and Roper. No, not really. See, I am only one man, thus giving it both my thumbs up. Those guys each give only one thumb per movie. It's totally different.

Okay, I'm outta here, I'll tell you more about the freakshow tommorrow. And maybe I'll discuss the parade, too.

Ah, the callback, you gotta love it.

Just rented the Stewie Griffin DVD, which I have very high hopes for. I'll be watching it once I finish with this gripping episode of "Mysteries of the Bible."

I love the bible shows, though this one isn't nearly as good as "The Cosby Mysteries of the Bible."

Seems like The Simpsons should be showing their new Halloween epsiode tonight instead of next week. I have to call Rupert Murdoch about that. Maybe in Australia Halloween is a week later.

So we turned the clock back an hour last night, and that, coupled with the excessive drinking I did, has turned this into perhaps the longest day of my life. I've taken three naps, had two lunches, and solved at least four mysteries of the bible.

"Saw II" was the number one movie at the box office this weekend. I never saw "Saw", so I'm not planning on seeing "Saw II". It doesn't seem right to see "Saw II" before you've ever seen "Saw" in the first place.

I did however, use a seesaw at the local park this afternoon and it brough back some truly horrible grade-school memories. Damn fat kids, holding me up in the air and then jumping off and dropping me. It's a miracle I never broke my tail bone. A miracle, I tell ya.

For a far better version of the "Saw" bit, check out "Who's on First?" by Abbott and Costello.

Oh, now they're delving into bible codes. I better go, there might be something about me in there. Maybe "Rubin" is crossed with "Comedic" and "Genius".

Or maybe it'll just be crossed with "Should" and "Retire".

Either way, the end of times is coming. Have a nice evening.

Well, I've finally done it folks. Slightly below, in the right column, you can now click the PayPal button and make a donation to me.

I'd like to say that if you don't donate that I won't write anymore, but we both know that's just not true. If anything, if I make money off this I won't even know what to do with myself and I'll probably go on a heroine binge or something.

Yes, I wrote "heroine" there, as in a female hero, not "heroin", as in the drug. I don't really do drugs anymore, but there is a chance that if I get a ton of money that I might have a sex change and then chase criminals throughout New York City. Without money, I just can't afford to do that.

So that's it. If you donate, it'll help me to what I do, and if you don't, I'll do it anyway. But, think of this this way, if you donate, I'm responsible to make you laugh instead of me making it big and being responsible to protect corporate interests. So donating to me in many ways is a donation for free speech, which in a larger sense is a donation for Democracy, which is really a donation for America, and that, ultimately, is a donation to the force of good.

Perhaps I'll also use some of the donated money to take a course on how not to write run-on sentences.

The big news of the day is that Lewis "Scooter" Libby has resigned after being indicted in the CIA leak investigation. Libby made the announcement and then got onto his scooter and drove off into the sunset.

George Takei, Star Trek's Sulu, has come out and admitted he is gay. Is this really a surprise to anyone? I vaguely remember an episode of Star Trek where he was involved some group sex with Scotty and a couple male aliens.

I would've said the type of aliens but believe it or not I can't remember what the alien's were called in Star Trek. Highly illogical.

Okay, I'll write more this weekend. I'm heading to the Knicks game tonight and and I have to lace up my sneakers before I get there. The team is looking pretty weak this season and I have a feeling that I'm no more than two injuries away from knocking down a couple three's.

Harriet Miers has withdrawn her nomination to the Supreme Court in a move that is a major blow to the Bush administration. The debate will rage as to why she turned down the oppurtunity of a lifetime, but my sources tell me that is has something to do with the late-term abortion she is going to have later this week.

Yes, those suits she wears are rather slimming.

Tropical Storm Beta is forming in the Caribbean. Luckily for us, it's just a beta version, and not the full version. For $29.95 you can download the full version which includes floods, evacuations and looting.

According to the Drudge Report, the costs of the new "King Kong" movie have soared to over 207 million dollars. Turns out that Kong is off bananas and onto Faberge Eggs.

My missing friend is still missing. I asked another friend if I should do anything about it and he said, "No, people disappear."

Michael Jackson is looking to sell Neverland Ranch because of the high costs of maintaining the estate. He's thinking of moving into something smaller and more manageable, something like Castle Greyskull.

Iran's President yesterday said that he's like to see Israel "wiped off the map." Then he used the map to wipe some babaganoush off his chin.

I was going to say "falafel" there, but I think babaganoush is way funnier.

Heading out in a few minutes to get some keys made. Is a guy who makes keys known as The Keymaster, or just The Angry Key-Man?

Pretty chilly out there today. I think I'm gonna slice open a tauntaun and stay inside it for warmth.

"I thought they smell bad on the outside."

Great quote. For 100 million dollars, who said it?

Pics don't want to seem to load at the moment and I don't know if I'm up to posting without a visual. Lemme see...

Nope. Nothing.

I promise to write something worthy of your return if I can get pictures to load sometime later today. If pictures never load again, well, it's been a pleasure entertaining you.

Oh, one other thing. Note the Jon Corzine Google Ad to the right of this column. Good work Jon, now let's get rid of the beard. Trust me, that'll get you at least 6 percentage points.

Clearly, Jon Corzine, or the people running his self-funded campaign, are devoted readers of The Daily Dave. A couple days ago I mentioned that all the ads in his campaign against Doug Forrester have only been negative bashes of the other candidate. The following day I saw an ad by Corzine actually comparing his views with Forrester's. Then today, I saw a commercial with President Clinton saying positive things about Corzine. Good for you Jon, positivity is the way to go.

That bit of advice was free but I'm charging for my next round of insight. How about a stipend or a grant? For god's sake, you have more money than Bloomberg, help a brother out!

This posting is coming live from Starbucks, which I decided to trek to despite the persistent drizzle.

Rome has outlawed fish bowls, claiming they don't allow enough air for the fish and that their shape can cause fish to go blind. Here's three punchlines, in question form, for that premise...

1. Who knew Stevie Wonder grew up in a fish bowl?

2. How would you know if your fish was blind, is there a fish eye chart?

3. Who knew Ray Charles grew up in a fish bowl?

Yup, #3 is by far the best.

I apologize, in advance, to all of my blind readers.

That's it for now. I know this was brief, but the rain is making the wireless connection here more unreliable than usual. If I lose this bit of blind-fish humor it would be okay, but I don't think I could handle losing my bit about how the wheels in the cage can make a gerbil deaf. I'll just save that for a time when I'm writing from a more secure location.