Well, intelligence reports are now saying that al-queda is planning an attack this summer. Of course intelligence also said that there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. It's almost like President Bush and intelligence shouldn't be said in the same sentence.

I don't want to just Bush bash on this thing, because there is no way in hell I'll vote for John Kerry. He reminds me of Ben Stein playing the boring teacher in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off". "Bueller? Bueller?

I'm now battling Cyclonus in Tranformers on PS2. He's pretty powerful and I've already injured both thumbs trying to beat him. Anyone have any tips?

More great shows this week at the Comedy Company. We're really pushing each other to get better every night. People are picking up on the interactive style of comedy that we're bringing to the table. Now we just have to figure out the next step, whatever that is.

Did you see that block Tayshaun Prince had on Reggie Miller the other day? It's always sad seeing an old player unable to do things like he once could. Much like watching Rodney Dangerfield on The Tonight Show last week.

That was uncalled for, I apologize.

He couldn't remember any "I get no respect" jokes. Just sad.

I'm working on my one-man show but I really need a director. You interested?

John Kerry has flip-flopped once again, this time on his abortion stance. I find Kerry so pandering that I might just have to vote for the retarded man in the White House to remain President for another four years. Not that I have anything against retarded people.

The Nets lost game 7 to the Pistons last night thus ruining my prediction for the NBA Finals. I guess I'll have to turn to the WNBA now.

Ha.

More torture photos being released today according the the Washington Post. You can view all the pictures online at www.hotiraqisoldiersbeingtortured.com, or their sister site, www.americansoldiersgonewild.com

I put a craw fish in my fish tank and he has systematically eaten or mauled vietually every other fish in the tank. I hate him and yet I don't want to break his claws off, as the guy at Petland told me to do. Maybe I'll just eat him. Anyone know a good way to cook craw fish?

Watching Caddyshack 2 right now. Chevy Chase used to be so good. If they really didn't want kids to to drugs they'd show his early career vs. his career now to show what cocain can do to people.

McDonald's launched their Adult Happy Meals today. I don't know who will be buying these things but I don't know one adult who can eat McDonald's and then not end up feeling sick within 2 hours. Also, when they use the word "adult" it makes me think of an adult shop where they sell porn. So unless they are giving away porno movies or small dildo's in the happy meal, I think they should change the name.

I bought the Transformers game on PS2 and it is just confirming that I am now 16 anymore. I can't figure out the damn buttons and everytime I go to transform I end up jumping and everytime i go to jump I end up transforming. This is a real problem.

Chris Rock has dropped by the Comedy Company twice so far. He hasn't performed yet but I'm thinking it'll happen soon so I'll keep ya posted. The shows we've been having, particualrly on the weekends have really been awesome. The comics are focused and pushing themselves and our styles are blending into a great 2 hour show.

That was a public service announcement from the people at the Comedy Co. The thoughts and ideas in that reflection do not necessarily represent the thoughts of the people over here at Rubinville.

The Dick Van Dyke Show Reunion is on this week. Isn't it funny that there was a show with the words dick and dyke in the title?

John Kerry warned his rivals not to attack his wife Teresa Heinz. He said he would stop the supply of ketchup and related condiments to anyone's hometown who says a bad word about her.

Some Nuns in Boston are now under investigation for molesting a bunch of kids over the course of 30 years. That's just great now the Nuns too. Does anyone working for God not molest children? Makes you think God is just a figment of everyone's imagination that religion capitalized on to control and repress our thoughts so that otherwise good people would start doing insanely evil things.

I'm making a temporary switch from iced tea to lemonade for the next few days.

Well folks, after about 2 years I've finally put up some new video on the site. It's just a little 6 minute clip, but quite hilarious if I do say so myself. I taped it with my handheld camera so the video is a little off, but I'm working on getting up some other new video soon. No need to thank me, it's all for you, the fans.

So Major League Baseball is going to put the Spiderman 2 logo on bases of games during a weekend in June. Now there is this out cry against baseball selling-out. Between that and the steroids thing baseball could be in real trouble. Let's just hope Barry Bonds doesn't get bitten by a radioactive spider, then all hell could break loose.

There hasn't been a death in my aquarium in over 5 days. That's a 6 month high.

Okay, nice day out, gotta take my 1:12 pm stroll.

And now, after a slow month of entries, the Daily Dave is back by semi-popular demand.

The big news this week is that some of our soldiers tortured Iraqi prisoners. There are even pictures of Iraqi's having electrodes attached to their genitals with paper bags over their heads. I don't know what is torture about that, it sounds more like a Saturday night in the East Village.

In other news NYC taxi fares have just had a 26 percent hike. Drivers claimed they need the money because of their high cell phone bills.

The Transformers game on Playstation 2 comes out next week. Nothing funny about that, just important information.

If you haven't checked out the shows at the Comedy Co. yet, come on down and get your laugh on. The shows, especially on the weekends, have been totally kick ass, and the quality of comedy and overall atmosphere is really great.

That was very corny.

NBC's hit show "Friends" ends this week. The geniouses at NBC are spinning off the show into "Joey" much like "Frasier" was spun off "Cheers". I'm sorry I put so many words in quotes in that sentence.

The Yankees have no swept 2 series' in a row after losing all those games to the Red Sox. That affects me in no way whatsoever.

Why is it major news when 2 panda's mate? I never get on CNN for mating with a panda.

Wait, that came out wrong.

Well, The Comedy Company is out in full force. We sold out our first 4 shows last weekend, and the comics were quite hilarious if I do say so myself. The weekday shows were lighter in terms of crowd, but as people see what type of quality shows we're putting on I'm sure they'll be packing the seats. I think the idea of putting on only 4 or 5 really quliaty comics instead of the 10-14 average ones as most clubs do, will really help the turn around of comedy that we're currently part of.

And now onto the funny....

I made the mistake of shaking the hand of a homeless man who plays the drums outside the new club. Now, everytime I see him he expects a handshake. So, for like 5 consecutive days I've shook the hand of a homeless man. I'm pretty sure that would qualify me for the Guiness Book of World Records.

They just pumped 28 golf balls from the stomach of a dog in England. I can't believe Britiain lets dogs play golf.

Louisiana is considering banning low cut jeans. I'd like to propose banning Lousianian's from New York.

Nothing too interesting so far in the NBA playoffs. I'm still sticking to my Nets will win the east prediction that I made before the season. Tarun, I'll take that 20 bucks in cash or check.

Hey everyone, sorry about the week long layoff here, but I've been mad busy preparing for the opening of The Comedy Company. Yea, that's right, I said mad busy.

So here is the official info...

COMEDY COMPANY GRAND OPENING WEEKEND
Friday/Saturday April 16th/17th
8:30 and 11pm Shows
Call 212.592.0341 for reservations or e-mail comedycompanynyc@yahoo.com
www.comedycompanynyc.com

After opening weekend, we'll have shows Mon-Sat at 8:30 with 11pm late shows on the weekends.

I'll write some funny stuff tommorrow. I've been inhaling so much paint lately I don't know which way is up.

That has nothing to do with the opening of the room, I just inhale paint.

Joke. Kids, don't inhale paint.

Inahle paint thinner, much more powerful.

Don't you hate it when people tell you their dreams?

Well, here's what I can remember of one of mine from last night.

I was at the doctor's office and he told me I needed glasses even though he didn't do any examination. Next thing I know I am sitting in english class in high school and I feel very smart because I have glasses. Then class ends and when there is nobody left in the room I go into the teachers draw and choose a donut from the many that are in there. I leave the classroom and I'm walking down the hall when I look into the gym and see Phil Jackson coaching 2 kids, probably like 10 years old, in basketball. I go into the gym and there is a big basketball game about to be played and I'm supposed to pick teams but I can only remember one kids name. The game starts but I have to go put down my glasses and my notebook. When I take off my glasses I realize that one eye frame is much bigger than the other. I go to play and it turns out I joined the wrong game. I put the glasses back on and realize that my vision is only blurred when I'm wearing them.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Condoleeza Rice spoke to the 9/11 commission today and claimed there was no "sliver bullet". That's nice, but I thought we were after al Queda, not Dracula. And if we are after Dracula, why not line the borders with garlic?

I'm juicing 100 percent pure grapfruit juice these days. Good stuff.

This is a paraphrase of something that Andrew Tavani wrote me about yesterday. Seinfeld went on the Daily Show to promote his new American Express commercials with Superman. Is that the first time in TV history that a guest was brought on specifically to discuss a commercial? Is Jerry's creative vault so devoid of anything that he can only come up with 20 second commercials? And what happened to Superman that he can't get better work?

The Simpsons have finally announced that they will come out with a movie sometime after the series is over. While I am excited abotu that, I just hope that it is better than the made-for-tv movie of "Growing Pains", in which Maggie Seaver runs for office. That sucked bigtime. And I don't think Boner was even in it.

A shark killed a 57 year old surfer yesterday. Why is that news? If a shark killed a mountaineer, now that would be news.