Right now I'm standing on the corner of 79th and Broadway while on the internet through the new Verizon wireless internet service. See, while I am a hugely successfulcomedian, with more money than I could ever spend in this lifetime, I still like to work during the day doing nonsensical promotions for giant telecommunication companies. Yup,thats just what I like to do.

I've officially decided to drink alcohol whenever I spend more than 2 consecutives hours with my family. This new policy officially went into affect at dinner last night.

Phenomonal shows this week at the ComedyWorks. Warren hosted the late show on Saturday, did an awesome job. The amount of people that stayed after the show just to meet us was pretty amazing.

Ok, I'm gonna ask Bob Juergens to say something funny right now let's see what he comes up with...

"Perpetrating segundas"

That's what he said. I'm not sure what that means but I'll cut him some slack, comedians usually aren't as funny in the daytime.

Ok keep up the good folks. Drink a lot of water, it's hot out there.

Heatwave 2003 continues here in NYC. I think I've dropped about 15 pounds of sweat in the last few days, which, if it continues at this rate, could lead to me becoming just a pile of clothes by mid to late next week.

It was my birthday yesterday so all the comics took me out which ended in a big drunken mess. Mike Tsirklin bought shots for everyone of some unnamed alcohol which everyone is paying the price for today. Come to think of it, I never saw him actually buy the shots, I wonder if he just brewed that stuff himself. I'll have to do some research.

There is a guy in our bathroom right now trying to fix the sink thats been clogged up. I just heard a big crash and then the sound of glass shattering. I wonder if I should go see if he is okay.

Nah.

I have some bad news to report. There has been a death in the fishtank. Goldfish #2 is no more. Investigators are still trying to find out the cause of death but I think it may have been due to his long depression. Services will be held this Saturday at Temple Emanuel in Great Neck, Long Island. Donations can be made to the following address:

The Small Goldfish Family
32 Gravel Lane
Underwater, Fishtank 10024

A tree will be planted in a fishtank in the Holy Land for every donation made.

We'll all miss you Goldfish #2, send my best to Old Bluey.

Hmm, I'm not really in the mood to write about the world of comedy today, lets see, what else is there?

I'm playing Grand Theft Auto - Vice City on Playstion 2. I'm not sure what the point of the game is but I've been beating up hookers and driving over old people all day long. Pretty cool, right? My friend Lenny lent (thats kinda funny - Lenny lent) me the game Bounty Hunter, where you play Jango Fett on some missions between Stars Wars Episodes I and II. I'd say that Boba Fett was my favorite character from Star Wars which is probably why I moonlight as a bounty hunter myself.

A couple comics have said to me that I shoukd think about retracting all my anti Leno/NBC thoughts that I write on this thing. After reviewing the evidence I stand by everything I've said, and in some cases you can double the hosticility and triple the annoyance.

I just saw the Muppets Take Manhattan the other day. Great movie. I just find it hard to believe that the guy who owned the diner would hire rats to cook the food. That's got to be some kind of health violation, don't you think?

One of my goldfish is looking kind of sick these days. He's just been laying low by the gravel pile. I wonder if he knows his days are numbered. They say fish only have 6 second memories, so I guess that doesn't give him too much time to write up his last rites.

Deep stuff today, right?

So people keep asking me what I think of NBC's new reality show "Last Comic Standing". I guess because I'm a comedian I should have some passionate feelings about the show, so, for the record here are my feelings...

I haven't seen the show, but I'm sure it sucks. Putting comedians in a reality show is exactly the opposite of what any real comedian should be doing, seeing as the reason so many comics can't get on TV these says is because of these reality shows in the first place. Screw NBC.

NBA Finals are now 2-2. I'm still sticking with my 4-2 Nets prediction. My friends have been telling me I play like Kerry Kittles, I'm not sure how to take that.

I'm thinking about making some tuna right now but my hand is kind of aching from excessive Playstation 2 and I'm not sure I'll be able to use the can opener properly.

I think I'll go with a turkey sandwich instead. Isn't that exciting? That's it for now.

Well, I finally moved into my new place last weekend. It's looking pretty good so far and I'm a little closer to where Seinfeld took place, so I'm feeling quite comedic these days. Now I just have to find a neighbor who has crazy hair and swings the door open to massive applause whenever he enters.

I bought a 12 gallon fishtank the other day, which is a massive step up from my previous 3 gallon one. We've got s bunc hof different goldfish in there, and so far there have been no reported deaths or drownings. Seeing the new tank set up reminded me of Old Bluey, my Japanese Fighting Fish, who passed on just about a year ago. Old Bluey was a good fish despite the fact that the other fish in the tank, particularly the Neons, barely ever swam with him. I miss ya buddy.

ComedyWorks continues to go strong. We were without Adam Hunter for the past couple days, as he was off to LA to for some spots at the Improv. I spoke to him briefly this morning and it sounds like it went well. I'd guess the sitcom deal should be knocked out in a day or two, I'll keep you posted.

The quality of comedy has contunutely gotten better in the less than two months that we've been running the club. I really don't think there is another club in NYC, or probably the whole country that has a better, more committed group of comics working hard to make things happen for themselves and each other. We don't have any of the ridiculous bullshit politics of the main clubs, and the atmosphere is amazing because we all are actually friends with each other. Anytime I need some inspiration someone does something on stage to give it to me. Lately, its been Bob Jergins who is in an unbelievable zone. He's even cutting down on the fart jokes, which, im told, is a good thing.

Nets are down 1-0 in the finals, but I'm sticking to my 4-2 Nets win. Nutty, I tell ya, nutty.

Went to Adam Hunter's Big Birthday Bash out in Longbeach, Long Island today. Joining me were such great comedic minds as Mike Tsirlkin, Mindy Raff, Warren Holstein, Bob Jergins, Eric Bronstein and Meghan Hanley. The day was filled with beers, burgers and lots of verbal sparring at each others' expense. There are few things more hilarious also painful as a bunch of comics ripping each other apart during a road trip. Highlights included Bob telling Warren he stole his famous farting bit, and Tsirlkin threatening to "turn this car around" if we all didn't shut up when we got slightly lost after getting off the Long Island Railroad.

I think I have this apartment all locked up, which would be nice seeing as I have to move out of this apartment in 5 days. These bastards want every piece of paper that I ever filled out in my life. Social Security number, W-2 forms, Savings Account number, etc. etc. That's all well and good, but when they asked to see my permanant record from elementary school I knew something was fishy. What do they do with those permanent records anyway? I hope they destroy them otherwise some of those incidents back in third grade could come back and haunt me.

The Nets are in the NBA Finals and the Spurs are up 3-1. I'm gonna make a crazy prediction here and say Nets in 6.

ComedyWorks continues to get better. Looks like we're adding a late show on Tuesday now too, which brings the weekly show total to 11. I'm getting up on every show, about 20 minutes per show, which translates into a lot of stagetime. I just wish I knew some good jokes. Actually, the comics keep calling me, "The comic with no jokes", so why should I fight it?

Big thanks to Steve and Laruen Giordano, the brother/sister combo who handle all the technical stuff here at Rubinville. They have bigger plans for the whole site but they are putting up this temporary version cuz I harass Steve at work constantly via Instant Messaging. Thanks guys.

Time to hit the sack, well either that or go to bed. G'nite.

I�m sitting in Central Park on one of those green benches around the loop of the Great Lawn. I�ve become one of those people who take their laptops out to Central Park, which, I guess I is better than one of those people who take their laptops out to Starbucks, but in all honesty, I once was one of those people as well. I�m guessing that it�s about 80 degrees outside, and there is barely a cloud in the sky � by far the nicest day of the year so far. Actually, it�s so sunny that I can�t even see the computer screen at all, so I�m guessing there will be plenty of typos in here, but I have spell check on this computer � pretty fancy, huh?

Looks like I finally found an apartment the other day. A little 2 bedroom on Amsterdam and 83rd. Its pretty small, but brand new inside, and the price, 1650 per month for a 2 bedroom, is pretty damn good in this city. My roommate Mike is finishing up the paperwork as I write this. People are always doing paperwork. I don�t think I�ve ever done paperwork, nor do I ever want to do paperwork. At my last office job I spent most of the days shifting papers around the desk to look busy, but somehow I don�t think that�s what people mean when they talk about paperwork. Either way, paperwork just isn�t for me.

ComedyWorks is still going great. As of this week we have added a 2nd show to Wednesdays as well, which now brings us up to 10 shows per week. I�m getting on stage and doing more time than I ever have, and am feeling quite hilarious in the process. I�m working on this new bit about how when I am with my extended family I like to look around and see who did what psychological damage to who, and how that affects everyone else in the family. As I�ve done that more and more I�ve been able to take it up generation after generation and as I see it, everyone is messed up because 2 monkeys weren�t sharing a banana way back when.

Our basketball team won again last night and are now on a season long 4 game winning streak. With 2 games to play we�re looking pretty good for the playoffs barring major disaster. Blake turned his ankle yesterday, though some team insiders claim played it up just for the camera.

I bought new sneakers a couple days ago in my first purchase of anything besides shoes in probably about a year. I went with Blue Pumas after a very intense five minutes of deliberating at the local Athlete�s Foot.

My second purchase was a 6 dollar shirt that I bought at the Salvation Army while with Bob Jergins, Bob has mastered the art of shopping at the Salvation Army and was thrilled to bring me into his little world. I do like the shirt, I just hope I don�t start smelling like old man stink now.

I wonder how long a laptop can be out in the sun before it melts.