Mein (Latenight) Kampf

While this doesn't move Hitler up in my book, his rant here basically sums it all up...

Liar, Liar, (Extremely Large) Pants on Fire

Mark McGwire, pictured here testifying before Congress, has finally admitted to using steroids. Of course, everyone knew this all along, and he still claims he hit all those home-runs even without the juice. Jose Canseco is still saying that he and Mark injected each other back in the early 90's*, but Mark is denying that. Seeing as everything else Canseco has said regarding this eventually comes true, I'm gonna go with him on this one.

In a related story, I continue to take my Centrum Performance hoping that it will make me funnier, but as of yet there is no proof.

*Injected each other with steroids, that is. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Six Pack...Literally

Six Pack 28 just went live and you can click here to listen. We interview Broadway star Nick Adams in it, who tells us amongst other things what it was like working with Saved by the Bell's very own Mario Lopez, as well as how he maintains his ridiculous abs. (That's Mario to the left in the pic, and Nick to the right, by the way.)

We also do our usual hilarious stuff, plus you can even hear me losing my shit as I try to explain a story about a woman from Ohio who punched a McDonald's employee because there were no more Chicken McNuggets.

Oh, and are you following us on Twitter yet? It's all about Twitter, people. Now don't be afraid, just close your eyes and click.

Conan Minus Leno = Leno Minus Conan (Kinda)

TMZ is reporting that NBC is cancelling Jay Leno's 10 pm disaster and giving him back his old job as the host of The Tonight Show. That probably leaves Conan O'Brien looking for work, though maybe they'll kick him back to 12:30 and give Jimmy Fallon the boot. Frankly, it all doesn't really matter as nobody watches these shows anyway, but I would like to say that I predicted this even before the Leno's 10 show debuted. Need proof? Click here.

I do need someone to explain to me how if you get awful ratings that hurt the local news after your show that you then get rewarded with the same job back that you were forced out of in the first place.

You're right, you're right, calm down, Dave. If there was ever a sign of my preeminent success, this is it...

(I don't think I used the word "preeminent" correctly there. What word was I looking for?)

I Like Jack

CNN's Jack Cafferty summed up what pretty much everyone is saying about health care, politics and the non-stop lies related to health-care on "The Situation Room" last night...

Sometimes you need and old, grumpy guy to tell ya how it is, right?

One Big Fish

Check out this big-ass tuna, which was just sold for $177,000 bucks at a Japanese fish auction. Two sushi restaurant owners split the cost, and I assume will split the fish, though how they will decide who gets heads and who gets tails I have no idea.

Seeing is my mom is concerned that I eat too much tuna and am probably suffering from mercury poisoning I won't be having a spicy-tuna roll from this fish's gut. But if any of you want to fly me out to Japan to get a taste I'd be willing to take the risk.

Now excuse me, I have a couple old-school thermometers to suck on...

Six Pack 27

Click it. You Know You Want To.

Blue is the New White

Our fantastic graphics guy Andy Diehl created this picture of Ben and I as Na'avi from Avatar. If you haven't seen the movie yet, get your ass over there before you finish reading this sentence.

Oh, sorry, that was a little tricky of me.

Point is, go see it. Even both my parents liked it, which only happens once every twenty years.

Alright, I gotta go sticky my tail into the tail of another organic life form.

See, if you had seen it already that would've made sense to you...