I'm not feeling any particular inspiration right now so I'm gonna try to do some freestyle writing here and see what happens. By freestyle, basically I'm just gonna keep typing even when I'm not having any particular thought. So, right now, for example, I'm not really thinking of anything but I'm writing it. I guess this could become a massive headache for both of us, but I've started and now I can't stop.

So I'm watching the The People's Court right now, I think Marilyn whats-her-last-name wears too much makeup to be a judge. For some reason I don't think a judge should wear red lipstick that you would expect a hooker to wear. Although, speaking of hookers, I've noticed that the hookers on 8th Avenue don't wear that much makeup anymore. What kind of world is it when our judges look like hookers and our hookers look like they need more makeup?

I just made new business cards using some business card software. That seems like a good thing to do with business card software, right?

Why is it that no matter how many times I clean my room that all my clothes end up on the floor? I don't remember ever putting everything on the floor, yet it just gets there. I think there's something going on that I don't know about.

If you are reading this and have seen me perform lately, if you have a better finish for the bit about the guy behind the counter at Subway, I'd really like to hear it. For some reason I can't finish it off right. Come to think of it, I have the same problem with sex, I just don't finish strong.

I'm not sure what that meant either.

Freestyle writing here folks, I can't be help acocuntable for any of this.

Okay, I think that's it for today, see ya on the flipside. Or next time you come to Rubinville, either or.

Jay Leno makes me sick.

Literally, sick.

As in I just tried to watch the Tonight Show for a few minutes and I feel phsyically ill.

Luckily, since I'm doing comedy just about every night I don't have the chance to see the show that often, but I took a rare night off tonight and tuned in for a couple minutes. That guy is literally the biggest hack known to man. I won't get off on a crazy rant about him, but if you want to know my feelings about Jay Leno I'd recommend buying or downloading Bill Hick's bit on Leno from about 1992, I forget which CD it is, but I'll post that in when I find out.

Leno is a sellout at every level. I don't know one self respecting comic that likes the guy, yet nobody will say that in public because everyone wants to get on his show. But even getting on his show isn't like it used to be when Carson hosted - then, if Carson liked you, you made it. Now Leno is at the helm and since nobody really respects him, nobody respect the show. Damaged goods, is what it is. I'm sure Johnny Carson would be flipping out if he knew what garbage his show became, but somehow I doubt he watches.

Oh, I guess I did get off on a rant there, huh?

Okay, now I don't wanna seem like some angry player hater so lemme list some comics that I really respect and admire:

Bill Cosby
David Letterman
Jerry Seinfeld
Larry David
Ellen Degeneres
Chris Rock

I guess writing this hurts my chances of getting on The Tonight Show, but to quote Derrick Coleman, "woop de damn do". I'd rather do some stand up and then sit there with Letterman any day. Whether you like him comedically or not, the guy at least has managed to keep some level of intergrity in a business that has none. Leno is further along in the Darkside than Darth Vader ever was. He's more machine than comic.

Ah, good to get some shit off my chest. Over and out.

My roomate Mike got the Juiceman Juicer for his birthday last week. Ever since then I've been juicing like a madman. While I do fear that my eybrows will eventually become silver and bushy and turn upwards like the Juiceman's himself, I cannot stop the juicing process. Today I'm thinking I'll go with some sort of orange/apple/carrot combo. There is a rumor some grapfruit will get in there, but I can't confirm nor deny that at this point.

Comedy continues to go really well. I've noticed lately that the general state of the NYC comedy scene is a distarter, with tons of comics depressed about the way things are going, but we've really got an awesome thing going on at ComedyWorks. I'd bet that there isn't a better, more creative atmosphere in the entire country as for comedians to be part of. The website for the club will be up soon at www.nycomedyworks.com

Hmm, what else?

Naptime.

So Arnold is running for the governor of California. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to capitalize the "G" in governor, but now that Arnold is running I am official never capitalized that word again. Anyways, President Bush has already come out and said that Arnold would make a good governor, which means the endorsement is right around the corner. And that was making me think, I mean, what is GWB basing this on? How does he know Arnold would make a good governor? Does he know any of Arnold's policies? Does Arnold know his policies? Does anyone know any of Arnold's policies? I don't think so. But maybe, just maybe GWB things that Arnold actually is the Terminator. He's walking around thinking, "Boy, if he can go back in time to save John Conner and thus save the world, he'd sure make a pretty good governor. He can probably go back in time and kill Grey Davis' mother. And I know he'd work well with children because of Kindergarten Cop. And I bet he'd surround himself with good people, like his twin brother, Danny DeVito."

Oh, that crazy GWB.

Let's see, what else is going on? We had the blackout last week which was interesting. Governor Pataki became like a 7th grader doing current events during the whole thing? "I don;t know who did this. I don't know what happened. I don't know when it happend. I don't know where it happened. And I don't know how it happened. Now where are my shoes?"

Oh, that crazy Pataki.

OK, time to shoot some hoops. I've re-found my old three point touch. Gonna go show those 12 year old whose boss.

I'm doing the old Daily Dave today live from Central Park where I'm sitting on a green park bench by the Great Lawn. I don't know why I felt it necessary to tell you the color of the park bench, but I don' t feel like deleting that sentence, so know that the bench is green and revel in all that knowledge.

We've been getting a lot of hits here at Rubinville lately, which is making the general population here quite happy. We're also working on a website for Comedyworks so in a few weeks you can check out nycomedyworks.com and find even more hysterical stuff.

I was discussing the lifestyle of a comedian the other day with Tarun and he said that he doesn't want to be 30-something and alone in a room with just a couple jokes to show for it. I told him that if he wrote more joes that the room would seem more full and that then he would be ok. Pretty sound advice I think.

My roomate rented the "Old School DVD" yesterday because it has some bonus footage. Bonus Footage. Who are these ass monkeys fooling? Bonus footage is just extra crap that they couldn't fit in the original movie in the first place. Bonus Footage. Yea, I usually walk out of movies thinking, "You know what? That movie was pretty good but I wish there was another 30-45 minutes of it. If they only would've tacked on another 45 minutes to the boat sinking scene in the Titanic I really think it would've more enjoyable. Ya, 45 minutes more of the boatin sinking, that woulda made it just perfect!"

So Arnold is running for Governor of California. I saw GWB say the other day that he thought Arnold would make a good Governor. Now, obviously he says that only because they are both Republicans, I mean what is he basing this statement on? He has absolutely no idea what Arnold policies or thoughts are on anything. (Much like the general public as well as Arnold himself.) Then I got to thinking - Maybe GWB thinks that Arnold is actually the Terminator in reality - And who would fuck around with Governor Terminator? Not GWB, apparently.

I'd like to start today with a shout out to my fans in Cincinatti. That's actually the first shout out I've ever given. I tried to give one a couple years ago but I lost it mid-sentence cuz i choked on a piece of apple.

So I went to the Broadway Arcade on 42nd Street yesterday with Bob Juergens. We played several intense games of Ms. Pacman, and though I do pride myself on my video game skills, Bob won each game. In the last game he won by only 20 points, or two pellets, because I foolishly checked the score instead of seeing that Blinky and Clyde were closing in on me.

We looked around for some of the newer video games to play but I gotta say I know I'm getting older because I'm intimidated by all the new games. Have you ever seen that dancing game? You actually dance to techno music on some crazy board for points. This is not something a comedian should ever take part of. I actually thought of going up to the kids and saying, (in old man voice), "Back in my day we didn't have dancing boards, we had joysticks with 1 button, 2 if we were lucky. Now go home and nap, damnit!"

Marty, I'm writing about you in this sentence you are reading right now. Thank you for not physically attacking any audience members this week. Much appreciated. Keep up the good work.

I'll end with this. I've noticed that I enjoy writing comedy - or whatever this is. But, when I do stand up, I like just going up there and seeing what happens. I've become the comedian who can't tell a joke. I gotta look into that.

I'd say that watching television at 4:30 in the afternoon is probably one of the worst experiences you can have as a human being. Despite my 100 plus channels on digital TV, there is absolutely nothing to watch. I almost gave up and left "Crossfire" on CNN on, but Tucker Carlsons tie is way to upsetting. What a freak that guy is. I mean how hard can you be trying to look intellectual to be 30 something and wearing one of those dorky ties? I wonder if he has sex with that tie on. Of course, that would imply he actually has sex, which, we all know isn't true.

Long story short, I'm watching "Weekend at Bernie's" on HBO. I've seen it probably 30 times. It too bad they had to actually kill Terry Kiser to make the movie, though. Whatever happened to Jonathan Silverman? I'm picturing him in an alley somewhere trying to score some drugs. Whatdya think?

Check out my friend Mindy's newest online column at -

http://www.nycpulse.com/web/articles/sex/aug/080503a.htm

She's a comic ally of mine (as Tarun calls us all). Funny girl and good writer.

Think that's it for now. Weekend at Bernie's is calling.

Just as a public service reminder, my e-mail adress is comedyguy2@aol.com - My old e-mail address, dave@rubinville.com has been wigging out lately, so if you are trying to e-mail just send it to the AOL one. AOL is a giant monopoly and they need our money and service to help them take over the world.

Comedy is still going real well. The club has been getting better and better, and I'm working in a really good creative mode lately. Sometimes when things are going well I have this feeling that some disaster is about to strike, but thats not very productive, so after a couple shots of tequila I don't think like that anymore.

Caught Minority Report on HBO yesterday. Great flick. Something very similair happened to me actually. Without getting into it, that whole eye replacement thing isn't as painful as it looks.

Just hooked up wireless internet to my apartment here. Now I can sit on the toilet and take a dump while researching about toilets. Pretty cool.

Dinner just arrived, turkey burger and fries. Adios.