I'm doing the old Daily Dave today live from Central Park where I'm sitting on a green park bench by the Great Lawn. I don't know why I felt it necessary to tell you the color of the park bench, but I don' t feel like deleting that sentence, so know that the bench is green and revel in all that knowledge.

We've been getting a lot of hits here at Rubinville lately, which is making the general population here quite happy. We're also working on a website for Comedyworks so in a few weeks you can check out nycomedyworks.com and find even more hysterical stuff.

I was discussing the lifestyle of a comedian the other day with Tarun and he said that he doesn't want to be 30-something and alone in a room with just a couple jokes to show for it. I told him that if he wrote more joes that the room would seem more full and that then he would be ok. Pretty sound advice I think.

My roomate rented the "Old School DVD" yesterday because it has some bonus footage. Bonus Footage. Who are these ass monkeys fooling? Bonus footage is just extra crap that they couldn't fit in the original movie in the first place. Bonus Footage. Yea, I usually walk out of movies thinking, "You know what? That movie was pretty good but I wish there was another 30-45 minutes of it. If they only would've tacked on another 45 minutes to the boat sinking scene in the Titanic I really think it would've more enjoyable. Ya, 45 minutes more of the boatin sinking, that woulda made it just perfect!"

So Arnold is running for Governor of California. I saw GWB say the other day that he thought Arnold would make a good Governor. Now, obviously he says that only because they are both Republicans, I mean what is he basing this statement on? He has absolutely no idea what Arnold policies or thoughts are on anything. (Much like the general public as well as Arnold himself.) Then I got to thinking - Maybe GWB thinks that Arnold is actually the Terminator in reality - And who would fuck around with Governor Terminator? Not GWB, apparently.

I'd like to start today with a shout out to my fans in Cincinatti. That's actually the first shout out I've ever given. I tried to give one a couple years ago but I lost it mid-sentence cuz i choked on a piece of apple.

So I went to the Broadway Arcade on 42nd Street yesterday with Bob Juergens. We played several intense games of Ms. Pacman, and though I do pride myself on my video game skills, Bob won each game. In the last game he won by only 20 points, or two pellets, because I foolishly checked the score instead of seeing that Blinky and Clyde were closing in on me.

We looked around for some of the newer video games to play but I gotta say I know I'm getting older because I'm intimidated by all the new games. Have you ever seen that dancing game? You actually dance to techno music on some crazy board for points. This is not something a comedian should ever take part of. I actually thought of going up to the kids and saying, (in old man voice), "Back in my day we didn't have dancing boards, we had joysticks with 1 button, 2 if we were lucky. Now go home and nap, damnit!"

Marty, I'm writing about you in this sentence you are reading right now. Thank you for not physically attacking any audience members this week. Much appreciated. Keep up the good work.

I'll end with this. I've noticed that I enjoy writing comedy - or whatever this is. But, when I do stand up, I like just going up there and seeing what happens. I've become the comedian who can't tell a joke. I gotta look into that.

I'd say that watching television at 4:30 in the afternoon is probably one of the worst experiences you can have as a human being. Despite my 100 plus channels on digital TV, there is absolutely nothing to watch. I almost gave up and left "Crossfire" on CNN on, but Tucker Carlsons tie is way to upsetting. What a freak that guy is. I mean how hard can you be trying to look intellectual to be 30 something and wearing one of those dorky ties? I wonder if he has sex with that tie on. Of course, that would imply he actually has sex, which, we all know isn't true.

Long story short, I'm watching "Weekend at Bernie's" on HBO. I've seen it probably 30 times. It too bad they had to actually kill Terry Kiser to make the movie, though. Whatever happened to Jonathan Silverman? I'm picturing him in an alley somewhere trying to score some drugs. Whatdya think?

Check out my friend Mindy's newest online column at -

http://www.nycpulse.com/web/articles/sex/aug/080503a.htm

She's a comic ally of mine (as Tarun calls us all). Funny girl and good writer.

Think that's it for now. Weekend at Bernie's is calling.

Just as a public service reminder, my e-mail adress is comedyguy2@aol.com - My old e-mail address, dave@rubinville.com has been wigging out lately, so if you are trying to e-mail just send it to the AOL one. AOL is a giant monopoly and they need our money and service to help them take over the world.

Comedy is still going real well. The club has been getting better and better, and I'm working in a really good creative mode lately. Sometimes when things are going well I have this feeling that some disaster is about to strike, but thats not very productive, so after a couple shots of tequila I don't think like that anymore.

Caught Minority Report on HBO yesterday. Great flick. Something very similair happened to me actually. Without getting into it, that whole eye replacement thing isn't as painful as it looks.

Just hooked up wireless internet to my apartment here. Now I can sit on the toilet and take a dump while researching about toilets. Pretty cool.

Dinner just arrived, turkey burger and fries. Adios.

Folks, after a 5 week workin-like-a-regular person stint, I am officialy back in action.

My time promoting Verizon Wi-Fi is over and the hilarity can begin once again.

But first, some clerical things...

ComedyWorks in the big room has been a big success. Our opening night last Monday packed in about 150 people which, under normal circumstances is great, but the AC broke in the middle of the show, and there is nothign worse than comedy when people are sweating. We also had some audio problems and other logistical things, but we've since been knocking them out and the shows have been comign together once again. I think the coolest part of the room is that the windows surrounding the place allow people on 8th Avenue to see the show from outside - I don't know of any other comedy club that has anything like that but its defintely a nice touch.

Got a new cell phone today. Fancy color screen. When I was a kid we didn't have cell phones. And we didn't have color screens. We just had to yell as loud as we could from across the street. All in black and white.

I wonder how may people actually read these nonsensicle ramblings anyways? I got some random emails from people but I really have no idea. Are you reading this right now? Are you? Are you?

I've noticed that can no longer function without coffee in the morning. When I wake up I am like Jason from Friday the 13th - "Kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill". Then, I have one little sip of coffee and I don't wanna kill anyone. Coffee is stopping me from killing, who woulda thunk?

So the new and improved ComedyWorks opens tonight. this weekend has been filled with building stages, setting lights, rearranging tables and writing a couple jokes. We had mentions in the NY Post and the Daily News this weekend, so everything should be rockin' tonight.

Here's my last plug...

ComedyWorks Big Room Grand Opening
TONIGHT, July 21, 2003
8:30 pm
On the corner of 45th and 8th
212.592.0341 for reservations

Be there or be square.

I haven't said that phrase since 1987. Oh, 1987 was a good time. 3rd grade. Had a crush on Amy Weinstein. My first Gi Joe v. transformer war took place in the basement of my house. Smoked crack in the dumpster behind school. Yea, those were the days.

Great news on the comedy front today. As of next Friday, ComedyWorks will be taking over all Joe Franklin's Restaurant. Basically, the shows have been such a success that we're gonna see what happens if we add another 50 or so seats. So, if your reading this come by on Friday or Saturday - drop me an e-mail before hand and I'll personalize a joke to each and every one of you.*

*Personal joke not guaranteed.

Working back at Verizon right now. They are making me do the tucked in shirt which is one of my most hated fashion things. I don't like doing the tuck, I don;t like seeing the tuck and I don't like people who like the tuck.

Spent a quality day with the family yesterday, without drinking. I know that goes against my proclamation made last week about always drinking when I'm around the family but everyone was on their best behavior yesterday, I think it was the weather. That or the joint we all passed around.

If you haven't checked it out yet, take a look at Tarunshetty.com. Tarun is a "comedic ally" of mine, as he puts it. Beware though, he is Indian, so if you think Kashmir should go back to Pakistan then you better steer clear of the site before his radical views get to you.

Thats it for now, Bob Juergens need to check his e-mail because he just signed up for lavalife. Pathetic, isn't it?

So one of the drawbacks of having an online journal is that people read it. Without getting into a whole long thing here, I'd like to publicly apologize to anyone named Warren that I've recently offended. I'd also like to apologize to the New York State Board of Education, my 7th grade english teacher, the Tuna Association of America, and everyone on the 1 train going downtown last Friday when I farted during rushhour.


You'll be happy to know I'm now officially 2 months off of Chapstick. Its been rough, and I do have to check into the Methadone clinic 2 or 3 times a week still, but I think I'm off that stuff for good. Hilarious bit on said subject forethcoming.

Bought some pants at Urban Outfitters yesterday. Maybe I'll buy a shirt today.

Yea, a shirt, nobody can stop me.