My Personal Bailout

Despite saying I would post something this weekend, I just didn't do it. I would've, but I had to go to DC to help get this bailout passed. If my version of the bill passes all my fans will be getting Nintendo Wii's. I'll keep you posted.

Oh, and Nancy Pelosi looks even more Botoxed in person...

A Hole Lotta BS

So, George, John, Barack, and a few other people who claim to be fighting for us have been sitting behind closed doors in DC trying to solve this financial crisis thingy. George said he had a plan (but nobody listened), John said he was suspending his campaign and postponing the debate (which he backtracked on), and Barack said he needed time to think (which he loves to do).

Since then, various other polticians like Harry "I'm half napping" Reid, Chris "Look at my white hair" Dodd, and Barney "My speech impediment has nothing to do with my sexuality" Frank, have all been posturing for the TV cameras. No deal has been made, my personal bank Washington Mutual collapsed today, and for a bunch of people who all talk about bi-partisanship, they all seem pretty partisan.

This has all led me to believe that Washington is nothing more than a giant black hole. You see, scientists have long hypothesized that there are black holes in outer space. Basically, they are places where matter sort of collapses on itself and matter simply dissapears. Some scientists believe that the matter reappears in another time and space, but of course this can't be proved. However, if that is true, let's just hope these people all end up in Newark, New Jersey, at about 3 in the morning. Somehow, I think they'll become bi-partisan pretty quickly out there.

Alright, that's all. I'll be doing stand-up tonight during the debate, but I will DVR it and comment over the weekend. That's right, these motherfuckers have me blogging on the weekend.

Fuck you, you black hole fuckers...

(Rare cursing today, I know, but I'm just saying what everyone at CNN is thinking.)

See ya, Summer!

The summer is officially over, which seems particularly sucky when you look back on days like this one. This picture is from a few weeks back at the Boat Basin alongside the Hudson River right here in NYC. As you can clearly see, I was in deep thought as I knocked back that Corona.

What was I thinking, you ask?

I have no idea. It was the summer. I was drinking. The sun was setting. And thinking at such times is highly overrated.

Undeniable

I was just walking down the street when I realized what the contents of my bag were.

1. Sex and the City DVD (For Carlos)
2. Hair product (From Dramatics NYC)
3. Diet Coke (No sense in extra calories)

Yes, folks, you're right, it's undeniable. I'm a woman.

(Let the gay jokes begin...)

A Golden Oldie

I was flicking the channels last night and happened to turn on Dancing with the Stars just as 82 year old Cloris Leachman was about to take to the dance floor. If I'm doing anything like this 50 years from now, it'll be pretty amazing...

The UN General Assembly is going on for the next few days right here in NYC. I'm listening to George talk right now and I have to say he is reading his speech quite well. That's George for ya, finishing up his reign of terror on a high-note.

This afternoon Hitler-wannabe, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, will speak at the very same podium that George is standing at right now. After he gets done blaming Israel for the world's problems I am told he will have a hot pastrami sandwich over at Ben's Kosher Deli in Rockefeller Center.

(You just can't get a good pastrami sandwich in Iran. You know, that whole no Jew thing.)

Alright, I'm heading out for a bagel. Hey, maybe I'll bump into Ahmadinejad having brunch before the big speech. Will keep you posted...

Quite A Week

It was some crazy week here in the good ole' US of A. I'd write about it, but instead I think you should hear my thoughts about it on this weeks Topical. Click the link below for the most recent episode or go to iTunes and subscribe.

That is all. Have a financially sound weekend.

http://www.heretv.com/APodcastDetailPage.php?id=33

McView

Cindy McCain is complaining that the ladies of The View were "picking their bones clean" when she and John McCain visited the show last Friday. While some of the interview might've been a little harsh (oh, poor presidential candidate getting asked tough questions), there were several moments that were really fantastic. One of those moments was this, when Joy Behar looked John in the eye and said this...

Pretty great, right? When do politicians ever get called out on their bullshit? Not only that, but she actually asked the question in a deferential way, and even her voice changed, as if to say, "I liked you, what happened?" Cindy McCain can go suck an egg if she thinks that was too hard of an interview.

I've don't think I've ever used "suck an egg" before. It just felt right there.

Speaking of sucking eggs, I think I'm gonna make some. Be back later...

Go Tuck Yourself!

I thought that Tucker Carlson, the bow-tie wearing dingbat on MSNBC, was the most annoying Tucker on television until I came across Tucker Bounds, an aide on the McCain campaign. How this guy got a job is beyond me. See the video below, and if you're as amazed as I am, there's plenty more on YouTube.

So, I played some Force Unleashed last night and so far so good. You open the game as Darth Vader, (I think the first time you play as him in a video game) and I used my Wii-saber to slash some Wookiees and cause general mayhem. Using the controller as a lightsaber is pretty awesome, although you can only use it as a righty and I am a natural lefty. Makes you wonder if there were any real Jedi's who were leftys. I'll have to Wookipeedia that.

(Yes, there is a Wookieepedia. Pretty great, I know.)

The line at midnight to pickup the game was a rather depressing collection of people who clearly hadn't been laid in a long time. They actually only let us in the store two a time, which led me to say to the guy guarding the door, "Jeez, this is like a hot club!" He looked at me confused, as if he had never been to a club. And to think, I almost was the king of these people.

Alright, I have a couple things to do including killing more Wookiees and submitting my resume to the McCain campaign...

One Tired Jedi

I took this picture a few minutes past midnight after picking up my copy of The Force Unleashed.* Several funny things happened while on line, but you'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out because I have to play this thing at least once before I pass out.

*The strange lighting in the picture is because I stood under a sign for Sister of the Traveling Pants 2 when snapping the shot...

May The Dork Be With You

Few people know this, but Darth Vader actually had a secret apprentice, so secret, in fact, that the Emperor himself didn't know about him. Not only that, but even Star Wars fans such as myself didn't even know until the last few months when the story for the new Force Unleashed video game was leaked on the internet.

I just returned from pre-purchasing the game over at Game Stop, where I can go tonight at midnight and pick up my copy for my brand new Wiiiiiiiiiii. Believe it or not, I have never lined up for a video game midnight release and to be quite frank, at my advanced age of 32, I'm a little nervous about the whole situation. That is precisely why I'm going to bring my old Nintendo Duck Hunt gun to stave off the nerds in case things get out of hand.

I will take a picture once the game is in my hand. May the force be with us all...

Oh, Brothers!

Lehman Brothers is going under and people are freaking about it all over the country. While I don't know much about the financial markets, I do know a little something about lighting, and it seems to me that a company that uses this much electricity just to light the outside of the office was due to go bankrupt.

George spoke about the situation from the White House lawn, but had to be corrected by an aide when he confused Lehman Brothers with the Ringling Brothers. The ironic part was that he was actually making sense when he said something about the clowns running that place.

More later, got an important meeting in Central Park...

Huh?

In case you didn't see Sarah Palin with Charlie Gibson last night, here is one of the many mind-blowing clips. In this one, she answers a totally different question than the one he asks, proving only that she is, in fact, a politician...

(Dunno why I can't center the clip, but after five tries, I can do no more.)

Love, Exciting and New

Tell me John McCain isn't trying to crush Obama's hand in that picture. Strange, considering it appears he is also about to hand him some lovely flowers.

More in a bit, promise...

Live with Regis and Dave!

I took this picture of Regis Philbin and I standing on the very same embankment just an hour ago.

Yea, stardom has its perks.

Doggie Crime

Emma, pictured here with face blurred, busted into the garbage in the kitchen last night. It's only the second time she has done that in the over two years since I've had her. The first time the culprit was the bones of about 20 chicken wings. If you've never spent any real length of time with a dog farting buffalo sauce is, you don't really know hard time. This time, however, the culprit was a bag of dog food, some tissues, and a couple banana peels. I sense that this will be a much less painful day after for both of us.

The "big bang" machine that I mentioned on Monday had it's first successful test yesterday. Another day without the universe being sucked up by a black hole. Pretty, pretty good.

Hurricane Ike is battering the Gulf of Mexico and expected to hit southern Texas shortly. While Ike is considered so dangerous that the federal government has sent Tina Turner down to Texas to deal with it.

(You did get the Ike/Tina reference there, right? Ok, good.)

Alright, gotta jump in the shower. Cleanliness is next to godliness, you know...

Can This End Well?

Though this picture is small, and looks like it is from a new Marvel movie, it is in fact a particle accelerator that is buried deep in a bunker beneath the border of France and Switzerland. Scientists are using it to recreate the big bang theory, though my guess is that the experiment will go horrifically awry and that one of them will end up having robotic arms fused to his spine. That, or the whole thing will blow up and the Earth will be consumed by a giant black hole. We shall see which.

The weekend was a good one. We had a storm here which trapped everyone inside their respective apartments on Saturday. By mid-day I couldn't take the isolation anymore so went out to go get myself a Nintendo Wiiiiiiiiiiiiii. After playing only for an hour I had smashed holes in virtually every wall in my apartment. Nintendo pays you back for the spackle right?

In other news, Bonnie Hunt (not really sure who she is), has a new talk show. I'm watching as I write this and have to say it is quite awful.* Robin Williams is jumping around and speaking in various accents. After all these years of doing the same thing he really seems to be just crying for help.

*I will glady do the show, call me, Bonnie.

Honey, I Found an Actor!

UPDATE: My sources are now confirming that Rick Moranis will be unshrunk in order to reprise his role as Louis "The Keymaster" Tully in Ghostbusters 3...

More updates as they come in...

Who Ya Gonna Call For A Sequel?

I've just been informed that Bill Murray and Dan Akroyd have signed on for Ghostbuster 3. With Ernie Hudson and Harold Ramis already aboard now the producers are just awaiting word from Slimer.

I know it was a slow week here in Rubinville, though it was not a slow week for me. We did our two big live shows of Hot Gay Comics on Wednesday night and they were a huge success. The first show, which I hosted, was particularly good. The series will begin on television in November or December. Stay tuned.

I watched John McCain's speech last night and have to say that it was pretty decent although I thought his head was going to explode at the end when he started that whole "fight with me" thing. Fortunately, it did not, and now we have eight more weeks of campaigning.

For the rest of my thoughts on the RNC check out this week's Topical which should be posted by the end of the day. If you haven't subscribed yet through iTunes, we are not on speaking terms.

Wil try to come back later. But if I don't, who ya gonna call?

You Gotta Love It

As I'm sure you've heard by now, Republican VP-nominee Sarah Palin's 17 year-old daughter is pregnant. This is the same Sarah Palin who is against abortion and for abstinence-only programs in school. This is also the same Sarah Palin who has no foreign-policy experience and would be a heart beat away from the presidency if John McCain gets to the White House.

Oh, and it's also the same Sarah Palin who has somehow rallied the conservative base of the Republican party. Actually, you really gotta hand it to the Republicans, they really have a way of taking a stituation that should work against them and somehow making it seem positive. Now they are touting the family's courage and how the daughter will marry her 17 year old boyfriend. Thus, they will create a whole new generation of Republicans! Good old family values. Nothing like them, right?

In more inspirational news, the levees of New Orleans held and it looks like Hurricane Gustav will pass without anything near the damage of Katrina. How pissed is George that he didn't get to speak at the Republican Convention because of this? Cheney got out of it too, but my people tell me that he actually wanted to go to it because it was going to be his only trip out of his evil bunker for the rest of his reign of terror.

Besides this stuff, it was a fun, relaxing weekend for me. That's good too, because I have a big week coming up. We are taping two episodes of Hot Gay Comics tomorrow night at Comix here in NYC. I'm not sure if there are seats left but if you want to come to one of the shows (8 and 10:30 pm), call the club at 212.524.2500.

Ok, the ladies of The View are back, which means I'm off for a run. Ladies, start your engines...